Decisions That Cause Pain or...Love Can Be Painful

 

I made my grand-baby cry last night. Something a grand-parent never wants to do. Yet, a decision had to be made, and in retrospect, it may have been the least productive one, for it caused great disappointment and emotion.

She and I have played guessing games from time to time, and I feel like I just lost this one. There is one called "which hand is it in", where you put something in one of your hands, stretch both behind your back and pretend to switch out whatever the "thing" is, between the two. Then bring both hands front and center, and the other person guesses which hand it ended up in. This was what I was doing with the situation at hand. In one hand was, "Do I ignore the fact Momma only has 5 minutes more of work and is expecting us there at that time (a 10 minute drive...already late), and give in to our little girls desire?" Or, in the other hand, "Do I do everything in my power to make sure both are well taken care of, especially since it was a school night, and our little is still in recovery mode from being sick?" Our girls momma (our daughter) has been extensively stretching herself for quite some time now, so I leaned toward getting her home to prepare her girl for the evening hours. At least, that was what I felt best...

Earlier...right after picking her up from school, she had laid her head on the dining table (very tired), with arms outstretched and asked me to "tickle" them. Her mom used to love that also. She spent the next 5 minutes, or so, relaxing to the soothing touch of fingers gently gliding over her arms. I thought she had gone to sleep, but no. 

Today was "mail day" for her, in which the "mailwoman" left a bottle of nail polish. So she painted my fingernails. I asked if I could fix her something to eat, but she had other plans that didn't fit in the narrow window of time we had remaining. She opted for just 2 slices of plain bread instead of a sandwich or something cooked. So maybe that would hold her over until she got home to eat with mom. She was ready to go to the park on this beautiful day, even though it was only 15 minutes before we had to take her to her mom. 

The day didn't end well, and I haven't slept all night because of it. I've gotten a lot of things done, however. Childs car seat has been removed and disassembled, liner washed and dried, base of car seat scrubbed and sanitized with Pine Sol, all car seats, body straps and strap locks cleaned and sanitized; hair brushes soaked in vinegar, rinsed, and now soaking in baking soda waiting to be rescued; a sink full of dirty pots and pans are washed and drying; a ton of boxes are now broken down for disposal (this is the time I will get mega online orders and need them); 3 loads of laundry almost complete, coffee brewing, and finally I get to stop for a bit. And it's only 4 AM. After a small break, I'll get back to the kitchen and do a little organizing before my body demands sleep.

I am so very grateful for family. For grace when it's needed the most. For a great place to call "home" and for all the challenges life provides us. It's been said, and I agree, "It doesn't matter how many times you fall (or fail), it's how many times you get back up."

Today, I will be apologizing to our little girl and letting her know how sorry her Grams is for causing such hurt in her little heart. I know none of us (including her) is exempt from a mirage of feelings as life is lived. I just don't want to be the one causing that pain, or anxious thoughts. For her, for any of us really, life can show itself difficult when we're tired, hungry, and just not feeling so well. I should have considered that a little more than I did.

"When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I (paraphrased)". ~Psalm 61:2

As always, here you'll find me...in Mary's World

Imaginations

Some say I have an overactive imagination. I'm not sure how I should take that, but I choose to think of it as a compliment. I can spin a story that only conspiracy theorists would sit and listen to. If I can't know what is happening at any given moment, my thoughts begin to create possible scenarios, and it doesn't take a lot for those thoughts to attach themselves as reality, in the worst possible way.

Case in point: I have "Find My Friend" activated on my iPhone. Both my girls agreed to allow me access to their whereabouts "just in case". They both know it helps me sleep at night knowing they are safely home when bedtime arrives. If they're not, and don't answer a text, nor a call, I am headed toward their last known location. And who wants that? Right? Anyway, such was the case one evening, a few months ago, where the app was following our youngest in a place I didn't recognize and it was near a body of water. No response to texting. No response to a phone call. I waited for a bit, until I couldn't wait any longer. My mind was already painting a less than desired scenario, so I sent a message to her sister to see if she had heard from her. She hadn't, but was sure she was okay. I wasn't. I knew someone had grabbed her while she was going to her car after work, and was doing only God knows what to her. Was she hand tied, with mouth sealed by duct tape, and thrown into the trunk of her car? Who had my baby girl? And why were they beside a lake? Oh geez...

Then, my baby called. She knew I would be nearing the frantic stage. "Hi Momma!" her sweet voice said. "I'm working with Door Dash tonight, but I'm on my last delivery and headed home." And though the news pulled my away from the ledge, I was still very concerned. A pretty young woman delivering food to anyone and everyone, past dark and alone, well.... She kept the soft tone in her voice as she spoke to me, "That's why it's called Door Dash, mom. You drop it at their door and dash off. Rarely do I even see anyone, and the pay is good." This girl has never had any problem finding ways to pad her paycheck, should she need just a tad more for special occasions and such. I had no idea you could get paid for selling your plasma, either. But when I found out that was a real thing, my imagination took hold and a whole new story began its journey as it ran in and out of the brain waves as they fired and sparked off each other. 

And then, there was the time I was shopping at Wal-Mart, in Miami, Oklahoma. My husband was employed there, and was walking with me through the store, when I noticed a man and a woman being very secretive. They maneuvered in and out of a couple of displays as they kept an eye out for someone who might know them. I was sure it was a rendezvous of two people cheating on their spouses, as I watched them whispering to each other, sometimes serious, sometimes smiling. Turns out they were store employees watching a woman stealing. 🙄

Someone needs to hook me up to Alexa or Siri for story time and just sit back and listen to the mysterious happenings of who done it going on inside my brain.

Until the next sleepless night, here you'll find me...in Mary's World

When Fear Won't Release It's Grip

 

I know it's difficult living life when much of the time fear is our companion. I know its grip can be intense, at times. I know fear can chain you to what caused it in the first place. I also know we imprison ourselves by allowing it to rule areas of our lives, and once we've conquered it for the time at hand, doesn't mean we'll never face it again. So, how do we release ourselves of the locked room in our brain that constantly keeps us alert to what created the fear in the first place? Good question!

Some say. "Just trust God." Well...I DO trust God, but please don't ever say that to someone that has lived through hell and are possibly still there. I trust that God has me. I trust that He is my true Father. I trust that He cares about everything I go through. I trust that at the end of my journey, it will be to Him I return. I also trust this is my battle, that He equips me to win. He won His battle, so we could win ours. When we say "Just trust God" to someone struggling, has become an easy way out of helping someone in the middle of a battle (in my opinion). What if we said, "Share your struggles with me. I will prepare you to fight them, and find you a place of rest while you are contending with this." It's basically the same thing as saying trust God. Just a little more detailed about how. When the Israelite children came to the land God had promised them, He also told them there would be giants to fight, but that He had equipped them to do battle. While they were circling the wilderness (for 40 years!), He provided for them. But once they got to the Land of Promise, God expected them to do their own fighting in order to live their lives by whatever their hands could provide. He never left them, but equipped them to do their own work.

Granted, it seems at times He miraculously steps in and switches things up on our behalf. But, mostly (in my opinion), He wants US to overcome the "demons" of our past, present, & future. Just think about it for a minute. If you ran to your child with every little problem they faced, and said, "Don't worry baby, you can do whatever you want, because I will erase the problem. I will take care of this." What sort of person do you think they would grow to be? Certainly one without tools to overcome whatever came their way. But, if we walk through the problem WITH them...not FOR them, then they would learn how to overcome any challenge they faced. 

True. Some things are bigger than we are, and we need someone (like a strong dad, or mom, or close friend), to right the ship, on occasion. But if we have the example of how, but never have to fight our own battles, I fear the thing that has chained us up will only become more powerful.

God has given us the necessary blueprint for overcoming any challenge we face. We can't just ignore the problem and it will go away somehow. We must face whatever is causing a disruption in our lives.  "Stand your ground." "Do not be fearful." "I will be with you." We can win any battle that rages in our mind. And when we do, we will find that "Trouble produces endurance, endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope never disappoints." ~Romans 5: 3 & 5 

So, yes...we may run to those who know a way through, but when we run to the Father of all, we not only find a way through, but we find an unrealized peace we didn't think we'd find. It's then that we understand that many of our battles come from a mess stored inside our brains of days gone by. We have to quieten that noise and agree to "do it afraid"! Be strong. Be brave, for it is the Lord your God that goes before you to do battle. ~II Chronicles 20:17

This one is for me...

As always, here you will find me...in Mary's World

Why We Need to Be Seen, Or Do We?

Why do people need to be seen? Please understand this post is not about a select few that have, for most of their lives, felt unseen. Unheard. And because of experienced trauma, a deep inner cry for needing to be seen developed. That's a real thing folks. But, this post is about all of humanity and our seeming need to be seen. No exemptions. Did I just hear a "bah"?

Studies show that being seen is necessary to feel like we matter and promotes mental and emotional wellbeing, including a reduced risk for anxiety and depression. Social psychologists Morris Rosenburg and Claire McCullough wrote that feeling noticed is "the most elementary form of mattering." Most of us just need to matter. We can "survive" without being seen by those not directly connected to us, but when it comes to family & friends, we need to see in their eyes that they are grateful we are a part of their lives. If we don't, a dark cloud begins to form inside us, trying to convince us we are not important in this life. It's a dangerous place to entertain. It has caused too much sacrifice, in my opinion. And that's another story...

One needing to be seen is different than one seeking attention. Or is it? It is. The first hides themselves, the second, does many exploits to be seen. Do we really know ourselves? Do we know who God says we are? Does it matter who He says we are? Why do we need more than that as we walk out this journey? Is it the answer to a need, for others to see us and not just God? If we don't know God, how can we expect to really know ourselves? To know God, is to know ourselves. We are so blinded by what the world says we should be, we fail to see who God says we are. And still, it is so important that we help others see just how valuable they are, by letting them know we see them. Humanity has a need to feel that someone, anyone, actually cares they exist. We do live in a very competitive world that demands one to be better than the other. Or so we think. Or so we've been told. And it's one of the reasons I've always been in competition with only myself and no others. Wanting to be better than I was the day before. Am I successful. Some days. Not all days. I've decided we are all a work in progress. The important thing is to get up, dust ourselves off, and try again. It doesn't matter what others can do, what others are good at. We must look at what we've been given to do and hone that skill to the best of our ability. Never comparing ourselves to others and what they can do. 

By the same rule, we should always acknowledge to others that we see them, and what a great thing God did in creating them for the betterment of this world. All the while giving encouragement to continue in their endeavors. 

My measuring stick is to always line my human ways up with what God says about whatever it is I am thinking of. Then (hopefully) rightly dividing the Word of Truth. So, what does the Bible have to say about us needing to "be seen"? We know what psychologists say. Is their analogy right?

So, please know that needing to be seen and doing things to be seen, are on opposite sides of the spectrum.  It's one of the places where we confuse what God says about being seen. 

The 6th chapter of Matthew (new testament...NIV version is more understandable), gives us sight of what is good and what isn't when it comes to the need of being seen. However, Matthew is talking about doing acts of righteousness, in order to be seen and known for our "Godliness". So, it's not addressing the need to be seen as one who feels invisible. It is talking about the pharisaical people who want others to know just how righteous they are. These are people who are one way in public and another way at home with those they have committed to protect. And they love to tell the world the good they have done, even though we are directed to do good deeds in secret. "Be careful not to do charitable acts to be seen by men, or else you'll have no reward from your father in heaven." ~Matthew 6:1 (paraphrased) 

John 12: 42-43 lets us know that we love human praise more than praise from God. God's plan for us is often in conflict with the world's plan for us (1 John 2:15). To be popular, we must choose the world. In doing so, means God is not the Lord of our lives (Luke 9:23). The world is.

But what do we do with those who are in need of feeling seen. Those who feel invisible? Those who walk in the abyss most of the time. Those who don't understand just how much they are loved by their Creator? The one who wove them together in their mother's womb? Those who have bought into the worlds view of being "less than"? Even those who know how much God loves them can allow themselves to feel less than, simply because those closest to them don't seem to see them. They are continually interrupted when speaking, continually told things like "I've already told you about that," continually overlooked for something more interesting (so they think). Are we too sensitive, as we are told, by those who defend their actions?

We all have five senses. Right? Every human being has the sense of touch, sight, hearing, smell, and taste. Unless, of course one, or all have been removed by illness or accidents. My point is, it's a God given thing. He gave those five senses so we could understand the world around us, and those in it. It's how we decide what is good for us to be around, and what is not. Those senses trigger responses. Fight or flight. Embrace or distance from. Calm or unrest, etc. You get the picture.

Last point: When we feel "seen", we thrive in a world with challenges. When we feel misunderstood, not important enough to be listened to, or just "non-existent", our world will present challenges that will either cause us to hide (retreat) within ourselves, believing the lie, OR we will bow before the Father, and He will tell us who we really are. He will lift our heads to see beyond the abyss and will lift us up where we belong. That isn't a haughty statement. It's simply truth. We are His. And He is ours to lean on, to listen to, to follow, to learn from, to obey. That's a tough one for many. We don't want to "obey" ANYONE. Let alone someone we can't see. But...just like a little child that obey's a good parent, the rewards are many.

Please comment below with your opinion. I'm interested, and I will listen.

As always, here you will find me...in Mary's World

Resistance Prevents Action

Early morning thoughts rambling around inside my head...

Resistance is genetic. That negative force, that dark hostility to creativity, is embedded deep in our humanity, from way back inside the Garden of Eden, as the first couple toiled over whether they should listen to the enemy of their souls.

Also genetic (in my opinion), is our IQ and talent, handed down from generation to generation. Yet, many of us resist the labor, the solid work, that creativity demands. We resist, because we don't really believe in ourselves. Maybe that's because we don't realize where creativity comes from. BUT...once we commit to the task, our talented side kicks in and the rewards are astonishing.

Most of the time, creative genius arrives out of the blue, and we tend to think it comes from our own resources, when in fact, it comes from our unconscious mind where God whispers to us. Where his angles encourage us to fight the urge to resist, as it keeps us from using the gift of creativity. The flow of what God instilled inside us at the time of creation. Can you remember a thought that just popped into your head and you're not sure why it did? But you follow the thought and end up surprised at how it led you to a solution you had never considered as being possible.

I love story. Doesn't everyone? Story brings us into the realm the storyteller is describing. My biggest problem is with resistance. It keeps me from sitting down and writing. Or sketching...

"There's a secret that real writers know that wannabe writers don't, and the secret is this: It's not the writing part that's hard. What's hard is sitting down to write." ~Steven Pressfield, The War of Art

What keeps us from sitting down is Resistance...

As always, here you will find me...in Mary's World

Road Rage & The Big Bad Wolf

Last nights road rage event still haunts my mind. I'm able to forget it while doing other things, but once I stop, or get in the car to go somewhere, it's up close and personal, once again. I allowed the world to know of it by posting on FaceBook, which I swore I'd never do. Too many posts about every little thing that happens, and it gets quite boring. To be honest...

I've been looking into the situation (a bit), today, as time allowed. And many of my FB friends have given excellent advice, as well! Still, I wanted to see what the law enforcement community recommended. 

Someone that goes by the name of Pam Shadel Fischer, and holds the title of Senior Director of External Engagement with the Governors Highway Safety Association, says, "It's like the Wild West out there, and it's just unacceptable." Law enforcement officers tell her "There are so many angry drivers, road rage aggressiveness, people going at incredibly high rates of speed and people being really unpleasant to each other,” she said. “It is very concerning.”

Not to belabor this, I'll just leave you with what little I have found.
Friends from FB: 

1) Keep doors locked and windows up. 
2) If you are headed home, make sure they aren't following you. If necessary, pull into a police station parking area, until they drive on by. Then later go the opposite direction, in case they are waiting on up the street. 
3) Carry a taser/flashlight with you, that can be used as either. You can buy a long one that is like a nightstick and if they try to grab it, it will zap them. It also has a very loud noise when it goes off.

And this from the internet...
How to respond if you’re being targeted: 
If you’re on a multilane road, move out of the angry driver’s way. You could turn off the road to get away, said Fremin, the retired Houston police captain, but you shouldn’t pull over. “If you pull over and stop, they’re going to pull over and stop,” he said. “That’s what they’re wanting you to do.” If you do end up in a scenario where someone approaches your car, lock the doors, lay on the horn and call 911. Don’t get out of the car, Fischer said.

You should also call 911 if you’re being followed. “Tell the dispatcher you have an aggressive road rage driver that’s following you, and the dispatcher is going to start quickly relaying that information” to an officer, Fremin said. Don’t hesitate to involve the authorities, he added. “It’s just a very dangerous issue we have happening right now,” and it’s best not to take any chances.

(copied and pasted from the Washington Post...an article written on April 19th of this year) If you’re being pursued by a rageful driver, resist engaging in any way. “You don’t want to respond to their aggression with your own aggression,” Fischer said. “Absolutely don’t make eye contact, and refrain from gesturing. If you show your frustration, it’s going to escalate even more.”

I hope you never have to experience this, but if you do, knowledge is power...

As always, here you will find me...in Mary's World
P.S. How does the Big Bad Wolf fit in here? I have no idea. It just sounded like a good attention getter...😂

An Amazing Thing About Christmas (and It's Abbreviated Form)

For sooooo many years I had an aversion to spelling the word "Christmas" as "Xmas." Making gift lists, I always had to write it as My Christmas List. I was tempted to write Xmas, because I'm always in a hurry. but I just couldn't...

What was really at the root of it, though? Well, I'm not 100% positive, but somehow there seemed to be a fear that I was disrespecting the One who rescued me from myself, something I couldn't do on my own. I would always honor him. Most of my life I have heard that the term "Xmas" was a weapon used in an alleged "war on Christmas" that came directly from the pits of hell, or the media, as some would say. Seriously. If you have never heard that phrase, just keep your ears open, because it's about to start being declared amongst us church folk, at least during this time of year. Innocently, of course! I was one of them for many years. But, the truth will set you free, I've heard. 😉😉 

I've always (more so now that I'm getting closer to the end of my journey here), searched for the truth in any given situation. And now, I've ran across some interesting tidbits of substituting Xmas for the word Christmas, and why some are offended by it and others aren't. My ears (eyes) perked up the first time I saw this. Maybe because it described me to a "t". 

It seems there is a particular belief system that gets offended when "Christ" is taken out of Christmas. Did you realize that 6 in 10 people with evangelical beliefs (according to a 2018 Christianity Today article), find the use of Xmas instead of Christmas to be offensive? And this had been ME! Always judging the intent of the heart.

Hope you're sitting down, because I'm about to help you rethink your position on Xmas, if you are one of those 6 in 10. "When we search for truth, we'll find it" (Matthew 7:7 paraphrased). Want to know the irony of all this? Xmas has been used by CHRISTIANS and the church for HUNDREDS of years, long before the term appeared in holiday advertisements and packaging. Yup. You read that right! There was never an intention to remove Christ from the holiday that celebrates him. Truth, you ask for? Well...the X stands for chi, the Greek letter that begins the word "Christ" or "Christos."

The first Roman emperor to convert to Christianity (Constantine), instructed his soldiers to display the letter on their shields before the battle of Milvian Bridge. The abbreviation also appeared in early Greek manuscripts of the New Testament. Hmmmmm...

The English version of the abbreviation dates back to at least 1021, when an Anglo-Saxon scribe shortened Christmas to "XPmas." (X and P indicate chi and rho, the first two Greek letters of Christ, and Constantine combined them to create the "XP" symbol for Jesus. Eventually, the letter P was dropped.)

Have you ever heard of, or maybe you are a parent, that calls your child by his/her initials instead of their birth name? Most of us shorten longer names, right? Our oldest daughter's daughter, has as her first name, Warner. That's the name she goes by, but when her momma writes about her, or sends a text, she most usually types out "W", instead of the whole name. The name of Christ is no different, when writing "Xmas". Remember that X stands for chi, the first letter of the word Christ.

R.C. Sproul, renowned theologian, makes note that when his parents took him home from the hospital as a newborn, they called him R.C. and in his words, "nobody seemed to be too scandalized by that." He noted that X as an abbreviation for Christ came into use in our culture with no intent to show disrespect for the Son of God. "There's a long and sacred history of the use of X to symbolize the name of Christ," he said, "and from its origin, it has meant no disrespect." 

But I get it. An "X" just seems to cross him out, leaving only a mess (mas) in its wake. I KNOW you've heard THAT! It's everywhere! But, may I suggest that it is US, and not a simple acronym, that takes Christ out of Christmas? We are the ones that create a mess when we intentionally leave the meaning of this most wonderful gift, in the shadows of making sure everyone has everything they ever wished for in what money can provide. Yes. It is the season of opening our hearts to give. But where we go wrong is in giving so much to ourselves and our loved ones, instead of those that Christ came for. The lost in spirit. The hungry in spirit. The needy in spirit. All that we see are results of a life lived for oneself that has no capacity to see others needs. That, I believe, is why as Christians we fear that we are REALLY "xing" out Christ, if we write out the word as Xmas.

Wrapping this up, could I also suggest the next time someone protests, "Let's put Christ back in Christmas," we can remind him or her that Christ has always been in Christmas. And he always will be. A simple Xmas can't delete him. We may not include him in the celebration that was designed for him, but he will always be "the reason for the season" as we say.

Always searching for truth, here you will find me...in Mary's World

P.S. Inspiration for this particular blog came from the book, 101 Amazing Things About Christmas