Seriously?

I have been asked, more than I would like to admit, why I'm so serious all the time. Some (usually family), think I am mad occasionally. One particular person told me I have a "resting _____ face." Didn't have a clue what she meant. She had to explain it to me. Seeeee....I'm STILL fairly innocent. Or maybe I just walk in a different realm and guard what I'm listening to. Or maybe I'm basically a hermit and have no idea what's out there. 😂

So, for those who have wondered, (you HAVE wondered, right?), here's why I'm of such a serious nature:

1) First, and foremost, I couldn't begin to explain the activity that happens in my brain 24/7. I AM a thinker. Most likely, an OVER-thinker. Seriously...

2) I was raised in a very serious family. Yes, they had their moments of full on laughter, but for the most part we had to be of a serious mindset in order to get done all that needed doing. Seems as if we were "on guard" most of the time, as well. Serious business...

3) I may lean a bit towards perfectionism. Admittedly I take life too seriously most of the time, because of the high standards that were set from the moment I entered the world. Seriously...

4) I used to be a people pleaser and had the need to be heard. To fail, meant I wouldn't be accepted. That takes some serious seriousness...

5) I was raised with strong Christian beliefs. We were valued because of our high moral standards and principles. It seems to be true that what a child learns the first 5 years of their lives will be their guiding force forever. Even if one strays from it, they will return to it, eventually. Serious stuff, right there...

6) Even though I live by faith in my Creator, my God, the One who rescued me, I'm a bit of a realist. I see things as they truly are. I can't abide by, or even entertain lies. Deception, to me, is the same as a lie. Just because one tells part of the story, doesn't mean they aren't hiding the rest of the story, so they might escape being judged. Or as a cover-up. It seems so easy (to me) to tell when someone isn't speaking the truth, the whole truth. I don't like superficial encounters. That's a serious over-thinker, most likely...

7) Last, and certainly least, I may, on occasion, be a tad bit stressed. Seriousness will do that to ya.

So, now you know why this gal right here, is so serious most of the time. I hope you never catch a frown on my face. It's really not the look I'm going for. 🤣

Working on being more "in the moment", here you will find me...in Mary's World. 

P.S.

Cast your vote in the comment section. Will I  succeed, or will I not, since I've already lived 77 years. UGH! That's a LOT of seriousness!!! And I'm in mega trouble for posting this picture. It was a fun night at Greg and Meg's!!!

Reality or Imagination?

Buckle up buttercup. We're going for a ride...

When someone tells you "It's all in your mind" it really is. Real, or not, all our thoughts originate in the subconscious mind. For instance, have you ever wondered if you are real? Have you ever sat and contemplated reality as we know it? Have you ever looked around you and wondered if what you were seeing was indeed real? Before you begin to wonder if this blogger is on some weird medicine, or has possibly given in to the psychotic behavior you've always thought she teetered on, let me dispel your fears. It takes something pretty scary, health wise, to get me to even down an aspirin, or an anti-inflammatory. I have to have a raging headache that causes my eyes to feel as if they will explode, for at least 3 days before I reach for the Tylenol bottle. 

I treasure a clear mind so that I can be aware of reality, and have the ability to make good decisions, which I haven't always done. Yet, there have been days (not recently...thank God), that my brain has taken me to places that some would consider concerning. I have seen some pretty horrific things, over the years, that I keep tucked away in an obscure, subconscious file, that will cause me to wonder about reality from time to time. Rightly dividing the truth can, at times, take a minute (or two). And, yes. I have pinched myself to make sure I'm still among the living. Are you worried, yet? 😉😂

There was a time, some years ago, while in one of these "reality" situations, nothing felt real. Standing in my kitchen, I began questioning myself about things that had always been true. Call the hubs (I didn't, 'cause I knew what he would say and I didn't want to hear it, real or not). Call the girls (they laughed while assuring me I was still present). Stir up some Energy Bites (yum!), clean the house (ahchoo!), touch the reflection in the mirror (hummmm), etc., etc. The way I was able to finally release myself from this dark feeling, was to decide that if I wasn't real, if the life I had lived was truly no more, then whatever this was that I was experiencing at that moment WAS my reality! And it was time for a pinch. 😁 

Just a curious question: Did you know the conscious mind can speak with the subconscious, and that the subconscious can speak to the conscious? The subconscious mind processes information and affects everything we say and do. It stores our beliefs and values, determines our memories and monitors the information around us, deciding what to send to the conscious mind and what to store for later. Interesting! Yes? Scientists say the subconscious mind is 95% of the brain, while the conscious mind is only 5%. So, most thinking takes part in the subconscious, then hands it over to the conscious for planning and critical thinking.
 

Soooo...is this why we can have moments of life "disappear" for a time? Some call it a "memory lapse." Does the subconscious protect us while it processes what we can, or cannot handle in the moment??? I say it's very possible. Even likely. Do you think we can reprogram our subconscious? Can we change our mental reality? Ugh! My brain hurts. 😉😁

Resting in God's Grace, here you'll find me...in Mary's World

Overthinking the Wind's Resistance

As long as I can remember, I've been someone who loves to be different than the norm. I rarely "go with the flow". It's much too boring and why would I want to "fit in" with the masses? This attitude crept into the world of business as I took up the challenge of being my own boss. The buck would always stop with me as I chose the extra ordinary. Rarely did anyone know the why behind those choices. 

I had mostly kept to myself in the early years of teenage-hood, as I became known as the quiet one. Maybe a little shy. But that wasn't it at all. I had been taught that children should be seen, but not heard, and it carried over into my pre-adult era. It's super easy to judge someone by what is shown outwardly, but super hard getting to know the real human behind the curtain. 

I took it all in, storing everything inside a file located in the back room of my brain. I saw the lions. I saw the mice. I saw the richness of souls. I saw the poverty of souls. As I read the rooms my feet carried me into, I prepared myself for the unknown. Little did I know the unknown was about to completely mess with my views of humanity and the world at large.

There is a Celtic expression from long ago, that has forever intrigued me. It sounds nice, just not realistic enough for my views. "May the wind be at your back" indicates life should always be easy, never challenging, and we all know that simply isn't reality. I get it, though. The expression was meant to give as a blessing of always being in good situations where help from external forces was present. Possibly even spiritual forces helping us along our journey. And even though I know that many times I have been accompanied by the spiritual realm (the unseen), as I navigate life, I still want the challenges that serve to improve the journey. The ones that cause me to look inside myself to see what God has put there that I can draw upon.

Without challenges, without difficulties, without sorrows, without self-reflection, without stumbling blocks and mountains, we would be a tad spoiled without any real value. We may be great to look at, but without any depth of the soul, I fear we wouldn't have much to offer this world.

Sooo....let the wind be in my face. Let it cool my physical body, as it warms my spirit, while forcing me to engage with it. Let the wind be in my face, pushing against this human shell I call home, so I might try harder, become stronger, and be more understanding of others reality. Let the wind be in my face so that I might learn to resist the push-back and look for a better way than my own.

"May the road rise to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face, and the rains fall soft upon your fields." It's really a nice Irish blessing, but...don't we always reap what we sow? 

Sowing doesn't come without hardships. I'll just leave that here for us to contemplate for a bit.

Overthinking the wind, here you will find me...in Mary's World

Becoming Conditioned to What We've Become

It was around the age of 7, or 8, that I remember thinking I must be an obedient child, just to please my dad and not be an embarrassment to the family. As with many little ones, the brain processes discipline a bit differently than the adult brain does. I thought it was the only way to make him proud of who I was. And so, I began the process of becoming someone I was never created to be. A people pleaser. I'm sure he had some of the same experiences as a child. Most do. Humanity does.

Throughout my lifetime I have worn many masks. Some would have said I had multiple personalities, had they stuck close enough to witness my people pleasing attributes. It all came from an underlying fear that had been felt early in life and continued until around the age of 22, when I finally began to face it for what it was. It's identity came from a fear of punishment if I didn't conform. Please don't misunderstand. I had parents who loved me and wanted the best for me. But I've often wondered if my dad (the one given the heart-wrenching responsibility of disciplining his children), acted more out of what others would think of the preachers kids had they been allowed to be anything other than "seen, but not heard". 

We (my siblings) all learned early on not to speak unless spoken to. Especially when adults were around. In retrospect, that may have actually been a good thing. And for the most part, I do believe we showed the respect required of us. We MAY have messed up a time or two, 🥴😉 for which I'm sure we would have paid dearly. At least discipline was consistent in those days. No warnings. Just actions, because we "knew better." Today, the pendulum has swung so far away from center, we now find ourselves living mostly in a "me first" world. Almost as if we are the only ones who truly matter.

You've heard the old saying that still waters run deep, right? Those who are slow to speak are the ones that intrigue me the most. I wonder what they're thinking. And if a smile (NOT a smirk) were to etch itself across their face, my curiosity peaks! Those are the ones that don't demand they be heard, but I'm pretty sure they still have fight in them, should they need it, and enough wisdom to lead a world, should they choose.

The years flew past, and I was told early on in my adult life that I had a need to be seen. Yet, the need to be seen wasn't nearly as strong as the need to be heard was. That statement hurt my innermost being, and is most likely why I still remember it being said and when it was said. WHY it was said is still a mystery. It was an observation of theirs, I suppose. As a woman freed from her marital abuser at the age of 22, it took another 10 (or so) years for me to feel my opinions were worthy of hearing. So, with shoulders back, and head held high, my journey took a much needed turn around the age of 35. I was about to prove the meaning of my linage's last name. Yep...I had become pretty vocal. Maybe that is the why.

It's so easy to become conditioned to what we've become over the years, that we no longer consider we may be living a lie. We may have forgotten our real identity and just conformed to a reality that is temporal, at best. 

I want to end this small entry by sharing a quote from The Road Back to You, written by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile. Ian quoted Thomas Merton, a great Christian thinker referencing our spiritual birthright journey. He said, "Before we can become who we really are, we must become conscious of the fact that the person who we think we are, here and now, is at best an impostor and a stranger." 

Diving deep, here you will find me...in Mary's World.