This blog reveals a time of renewal that was birthed from a time of slow decent, into what felt like an abyss, and then came a determined mind set. Many things contributed to this period of time as I slowly withdrew inside myself. My confidence began wavering, my attitude full of damaging internal expression. Thoughts of being at the end of my life, ran rampant in my mind. I couldn't focus well. I desperately needed to feel needed and valuable.
- A new business had been started on Sept. 1, 2012, I had moved from our home of 39 years in Oklahoma, without my husband coming with me, to North Carolina. It was a decision that both my husband and I talked out and was in agreement. Our house would sell within 2-3 months…possibly up to 6 months, and I would return there to pack up the belongings and move him with them, to NC. We decided we could manage that by flying back and forth every month to see each other for a week at a time. That got old fast! And expensive! It soon became two months between visits. In the end, our house took a full year to sell.
- The business was harder to get off the ground than I expected. Others have told me how well they thought it was doing, but I came from my established business that kept me busy from early mornings to late (sometimes very late) nights. I found myself with virtually nothing to do, in an unfamiliar city where no one knew me.
- I had left friends in Oklahoma...and a church (LifeGate) that my husband and I began building from the ground up, along side two very good friends that had to opt out early, because of health reasons. With start-up help from our church family in Claremore, OK. (DestinyLife), extra funding by way of a large donation from Fellowship of Christians, in Miami, OK, and another from an individual that had become part of our church, we began that leg of our journey. It was a very exciting and rewarding, yet physically draining, time in our lives. And that's another story.
- Soon after the move to NC, I tried connecting to a small group from the church we had chosen to become a part of (Hope Community), but it just never gelled. It was a little strange trying to "fit in" without my husband. Our oldest daughter and her husband became concerned, with just cause, even though I denied having problems, and said I was fine. I think I did know, however, that it wouldn't always be this way. At least I hoped.
My health, and the way I perceived myself, became a problem when I allowed myself to indulge in comfort foods.
Below, is the journal of finding my way back. There may be too much information for some. So, be aware of that. Wanting to keep everything built on truth, I was keeping tract of EVERYTHING, for my own remembrance and so the Metabolic Research Center could follow what I was doing so they could better serve my needs. The only thing you won't find in this journal is my food intake. That's another story, as well. These are my thoughts (and results) along this particular path. Hopefully, there will be someone that feels they have also gotten side-tracked, and will be encouraged to take charge of their life.
MY WEIGHT LOSS JOURNEY
BEGINNING DATE: August 11, 2014 BEGINNING WEIGHT: 191 lbs.
COST OF PROGRAM: SUPER
SLIM WEIGHT LOSS W/HCG: $440.00 for 40
days
BLOOD WORK: $50.00
HEALTHY WOMAN
MULTI-VITAMINS: $15.48
INITIAL START UP
SUPPLIMENTS: $99.23
AUGUST 12-19:
Pre-Conditioning Week…(High Fat Diet) What the body will use as it adjusts to
survival mode. Then the body will go into ketosis, believing it's starving, and will begin to use the excess fat that makes me walk heavy and breathe hard.
AUGUST 19:
Weigh-In day…Tuesday, at 187.5 lbs. Hey! I lost 3.5 pounds on the high fat
diet!
AUGUST 20:
Wednesday…BEGINNING DATE FOR HCG
Prescription (keeps me from getting hungry and caving in to possible cravings.
Weight: 186 lbs.
AUGUST 25: Weigh In
Weight: 184
lbs. Down 3.5 lbs. from start of program. Whoop!!!
AUGUST 26:
Verrryyy sick! Now that all the fat has been taken out of my diet, it seems my
intestines are rebelling. Nothing is moving.
Somehow the constipation caused the urine to be blocked off as well. Had
to reschedule my clients to another evening. I laid around, mostly, during the
day…rubbing my tummy and using a soap and hot water enema. Finally at 8 p.m.
things took a turn and all pipes were flushed. Wooooo!!! Geez, it feels so
great to empty out. Once again I feel alive…at last.
Only took
in 380 calories this day…
AUGUST 27: Holy
Moly! I lost 3 freekin’ pounds yesterday!!! (wonder why) :-D
Shaky today and a bit weak.
AUGUST 28:
Gaining a little more strength now, but only took in 535.5 calories. Can’t seem
to get all the veggies my diet asks for into my tummy. Must learn more how to be creative with this
area.
AUGUST 29: Weigh
In Day…182 lbs. Water retention…must cut back on sodium intake.
AUGUST 30: Added
Lemon Zinger Tea to my morning to help with constipation issues. AND, eating
5.4 oz. of apple instead of the other fruit choices I have. I miss my
blueberries and walnuts. And occasionally I’ll daydream about chocolate
cupcakes, cookies, Pumpkin Spice Latte’s, and cake pops. Wink, wink..
AUGUST 31:
Meghan’s Wedding Shower Day! I had such a great time organizing this and
preparing activities, drinks, and some of the food. Lindsey helped with the
food, taking a lot of stress off me. It was a huge success with Blackberry
Bourbon Iced Tea, Sweet Tea, and filtered water that was infused with cinnamon sticks and apple slices.
Sides of Hard Candy on a Stick, fresh blackberries, and mint leaves were sides to flavor the drinks. My
favorite treat (cakes pops), were standing in a rectangle block that was burlap covered, and beckoned
all to taste. The table was filled with fruit, energy bites, mixed berry pie,
rolled meat and cheese, and gourmet crackers with various types of cheese. Even though I couldn’t put
any of it in my mouth, everyone else could. All this, and I wasn't tempted to partake, not even a little bit. I did indulge in the apple and cinnamon water. Yummy. My mind has embraced weight loss…
Memo: Only took
in 370 calories this day. Must do better…
SEPTEMBER 1:
Weigh In Day…180 lbs. Down another 2 pounds.
SEPTEMBER 2:
Feeling much better with the “flushing” issue. My daily apple helps, I think.
Maybe my body is finally adjusting to the lack of sugars, carbs, and milk. I
drink what seems to be a ton of water and am faithful to drink all protein
supplements they recommend.
SEPTEMBER 3: I am
beginning to feel very comfortable in my clothes. I no longer have to adjust my
shirt (because of fatty deposits under my arm and ON my arm). My belt now has to be latched 2 holes down.
I’m in the last hole of the belt. I guess I’ll be purchasing a new one
shortly…
SEPTEMBER 4:
Finally getting this calorie thing down. I was able to take in 700 calories
today. The most allowed on this particular, aggressive weight loss diet, is
750. Of which all is needed to maintain health.
SEPTEMBER 5:
Weigh In Day…179.5 lbs. Down 11 pounds
from the beginning of this journey! Today, measurements were taken to see how
many inches have disappeared. OMG!!! 11.5 total INCHES!!! Now that, my friends,
is encouragement at it’s best! It’s no wonder I’m feeling so great.
SEPTEMBER 8: Down
another 2 pounds since the last weigh-in. The scales are tipping at 177.6 on
this beautiful, rainy morning. When I think about where I started (191 lbs.), I
am blown away. I think we’ll celebrate
by going to Lowe’s and purchasing a portion of fence for our Jasmine bush to
climb on. YAY!!!
SEPTEMBER 9:
Today, I noticed I had ran out of buckle holes in my belt and that the belt no
longer secured my jeans in a dedicated manner. Another moment of encouragement! It
seems I have slowed down somewhat in my weight loss however. Up until now, the
weight has been coming off at 1 pound per day, and has slowed to only ½ pound
per day. Oh well, I’ll take what I can get. My bowels have not moved for 3 days
now…so I suppose it is Ducolax time even though my body isn’t urging me to get
to the bathroom. Hmmmm….maybe it’s using everything I’m putting in it (which
isn’t much)! This diet is a 750 calorie per day diet. Yet the most calorie intake I've been getting is around 550-650 calories.
SEPTEMBER 10: Yay for bowel movements! It puts a whole new
perspective on the day. ;) Down to 176.6 pounds.
Memo:
An interesting thing happened tonight. Dennis brought home some
snacks for our small group meeting. Of course, it would be some of my favorite things. Crazy…I wasn’t tempted at all. I looked at them and
thought, “You look sooooo good!” After everyone was gone, I sacked up the
remaining cookies, placed them in a zip lock bag and tossed them into the
cupboard. The great thing about this little event was that I truly wasn’t
tempted. Sure, I acknowledged the memory I had of them, but I was on a mission
and couldn’t be lured. YAY!!!
SEPTEMBER 11:
It’s been one month ago that I began this journey, and I find myself feeling
soooo much better than when it began. Not that I was sickly, or without energy,
but looking back I can now see that I have so much MORE energy than previously.
I can move faster, get out of the car more quickly, walk without having to stop
to catch my breath, and have noticed that things sitting on tables don’t rattle
any longer (simply because of the vibration I caused on the floor supports),
when I pass by. One thing that troubles me a bit though, is for the last three
days, I’ve lost only .2 lbs. That’s less than ¼ of a pound in THREE days!!! Not
sure what is happening…I’ll speak to Lauren at Metabolic tomorrow, at weigh
in. Standing at 176.4 lbs. this morning.
SEPTEMBER 12: I
love that my chin is disappearing! I still have a ways to go, but the hard,
round fullness, is almost completely gone. When I touch the underneath side of
my chin, it feels almost normal!!! Woooo!!!!
WEIGH IN DAY: 175.5 lbs.
Down 16 pounds from when this journey began!
SEPTEMBER 14: Metabolic Clinic tells me not to trust my home
scales. I hope they are right, because, according to it, I have gained 1.2
pounds in the last two days. I stick closely to the diet with the only
variation being the amount of vegetables I am able to consume. It’s always much
less than what is allotted. Hoping the
professional scales will tell a different story next Tuesday, at weigh-in. I’m
loving how my clothes feel so comfortable on me now. I’m never in a hurry to
shed them, and get into something more comfortable, when I get home from work.
THEY are comfortable. YAY!!!
Only 16 days to go on my 40 day HCG Weight
Loss Program!!!
SEPTEMBER 15: Today,
while in the shower, I noticed that now, I not only can see my toes, but my
feet, and KNEES as well! Shzaam!!! It’s been a while since that was a
possibility.
SEPTEMBER 16:
WHAT??!!! I GAINED 1 pound in the
last 4 days. What the heck??? I never get my full 750 calories, I stick to the
guidelines, like bees to honey, and I’ve gone from losing a full pound per day
to ½ a pound per day, and NOW…I’m GAINING IT BACK???? How in the world can that
happen when there has been no variation? Wait…I started using the water it
takes to mix my supplement drinks, as part of the 64 oz. I’m suppose to consume
per day. Surely that cannot be the reason…
Today was
Weigh-In Day…176.5 Geez…
SEPTEMBER 17:
Okay…this must end! I have gained another .4lbs. WHAT???!!!
Must take control…but how? So, I’m adding back in my exercises even though
I’m not supposed to exercise on this HCG aggressive diet. But, I am NOT gaining
back the weight I’ve lost!!!
SEPTEMBER 18: Okay…that’s
a little better! I took a Ducolax last night because it had been 3 days since a
bowel movement. Put me down 1 ½ pounds. Geez…
Memo: So, today.
After seeing those cookies day after day, in the cupboard, I decided to test
myself. Just to confirm my determined spirit. Open the bag, Mary…Okay, I’m
good. I lift one cookie out of the bag. Touch and press for freshness, smell
(nothing there). As I peer at what used to immediately go from bag to mouth, I
speak to it. “Hey! I remember you!!! I remember how you taste.” And without
warning, the next thing that comes from my vocal chords is, “And I remember what you did to me.”
Whaaaatttt???
SEPTEMBER 19: Weigh In Day: 174.5 lbs. Sure does seem
to be slow going these days. At first I was losing a pound a day, now I’ve
slowed down and don’t think it will be possible to lose the target weight of
155. Maybe I can reach 165, if I work hard. Even though I feel really good and
really small, I still have a bit of a tummy. Nothing as big as at the starting
line, but I still want to see that virtually gone by the wedding date of
October 29. Can I do it? Hmmmm….
Weight lost, to date:
17 pounds (down from 191.5)
SEPTEMBER 20: Had
to go into the decorative workings on my belt, to hold my pants up. No more
notches left. Refusing to purchase smaller clothes until I reach my desired
weight. This could get ugly.
SEPTEMBER 21:
Having a hard time getting my full 64 ounces of water down. Gotta do better.
I’m on the last leg of the HCG program. Weight:
173.6
SEPTEMBER 22: As
great as Tilapia and Chicken Breasts are (when grilled with spices), I’m really
getting a little weary of them EVERY day!!!
Down another pound!
SEPTEMBER 23:
I’ll be so happy when fats are reintroduced back into my body. This
constipation thing has got to go! Haha…literally. Only five more days to go!!!
Woo-hoo!!! Weigh In Day: 173
SEPTEMBER 26: I
now can see ALL of my legs, while showering, completely up to and including the
lower portion of my tummy! Geez…I had forgotten how they looked. AND, I noticed
how easy it is to clip my toenails this morning. There’s not much fat around my
waist and tummy now…bending is so easy! I LOVE THAT!!!
Ready to begin the 3 week Transition Diet, where calories are slowly added back to the diet with adjustments in quantity AND quality!
Something I've noticed…it's expensive to eat whole foods. Processed (anything in a box or can) foods are way cheeper…AND you have to make more trips to the market when eating whole foods, because they are without preservatives and will spoil in a short amount of time. But, hey! As long as it's possible, this will now be my life. It reminds me of the journey through the wilderness where God had Moses lead the Israelites out of bondage under an aggressive and demanding king. During their trek to the Promised Land (an 11 day journey that took them 40 YEARS to make), God supplied their food (Mana from Heaven), that had to be gathered every day. If they tried to collect more to last several days, it spoiled. I do think I've been led out of bondage of demanding foods (addictive), into the Promised Land of all things healthy and good. Should you decide to take this journey, expect the food that's good for the health of your body, to not have a long shelf life. I'm convinced that the stuff we purchase off of grocery market shelves is what causes cancer cells to form. The ingredients used to keep food for long periods of time, also threatens our immune systems, and causes renegade cells to break loose from their positions connected to other cells (another spiritual window)…and then become cancerous.
Such a spiritual journey we are on and most are not even aware of it.
Memo to self: Never go back to excessive weight gain!!! Watch the scales and adjust lifestyle as necessary.
50 DAY TOTAL POUNDS
LOSS: 31
TOTAL INCHES LOST: 32
FINAL WEIGHT: 160
MEMO:
I’ll continue eating
healthy and try to lose another 5 pounds on the 1,200 calorie diet, then
maintain at 1,340 calories per day. It’s all about moderation in all things and
staying away from sugars that not only cause fat storage, but also affect major
organs in our wonderfully created body.
THINGS TO REMEMBER:
Remember what caused
the weight gain, the shortness of breath, the depression and consequential lack
of self-esteem.
Remember that my body
was created to repair itself, but after having to fight the enemy (SUGAR) 24/7,
as it spurs renegade cells to form and shuts down healthy organ tissue, my body
will cease to function at it’s greatest potential.
I’ve never felt
better! Given a new lease on life (physically, mentally, and spiritually), I’m
thinking more clearly, am more confident, and much happier. NOW…maybe I can get
back on the journey God intended for me.
DISCLAMER:
I realize not
everyone travels the same road. I realize being large is not a problem for
some. I realize this is MY journey, and God created me from my mother’s womb to
be in control of the gift of life He gave me. I realize I was placed on a farm
to form the very things God wanted me to understand, and with that came a
healthy life style. I realize not everyone shares the same scenario and cannot
be held to my ideals. But for me, I was MISERABLE…mentally, physically,
spiritually.
Whoever reads this
calendar of events that surrounded my life from August 11, 2014, until October
24, 2014 (includes the 3 week transition time), and drools over the possibilities that could be theirs, please be
encouraged! If this sugar-addicted girl can do this, anyone can! I was
accustomed to eating at least 1 cupcake per day (many days it was 2…sometimes
3). I would go to bed with one in hand. But that wasn’t what began the fatty
deposits inside my body. It was the Trail Mix that I would purchase and eat by
the half-bag full, AFTER eating my chocolate cupcakes. I stored it in my
upstairs bedroom, indulging every evening while sitting (yes, I did a LOT of
that), and watching TV for endless hours. Those were the days before Dennis
made it to North Carolina. Even though I lived with our oldest daughter and her
husband, I felt very alone. Not because they didn’t try to get me involved. I
just wanted to be left alone. The business was slow getting off the ground, and
I became very discouraged, thinking I may have outlived my usefulness. Thinking
I would never make it in this environment that was so very different from where
I came from. And HOW LONG is it going to take for our Oklahoma house to SELL???
I truly needed my husband here with me.
I’m grateful to begin
a new chapter in my life, but am also very grateful for the lessons this weight
loss journey has taught me.
MILESTONES:
1 1) I noticed how easy it was for me to cross my legs, on Sunday, August 24th.
NOTE: I hadn’t been able to do this simple action for a very long time. I’m not sure when this began to happen, but remember being surprised when it was effortless to do so.
2) Down 2 belt holes! Wednesday, September 3, 2014
3) Last hole on my extra large belt is now loose enough to put 2 fingers between it and my jeans. Thursday, September 11, 2014. Loved crossing my legs with such ease, at small group meeting, as if it were a natural thing.
4) Walking distances has become easy…no breathing problems.
5) Double chin becoming smaller.
6) Can see my knees and toes while taking a shower! Noticed for the first time, Sept. 12.
7) Exercise feels GREAT!
8) Desire for bad snacks disappears.
9) My husband says I look good in my boots.
10) Confidence level escalates.
11) Age becomes only a number again.
12) Snoring decreases drastically!
13) Need a new wardrobe!!! My clothes hang way too large on me.
IF you made it through this long post, I am super duper proud of you! Hopefully you've been inspired to get back the life you began with so that life as we know it, may be extended to you, with health!
Remember…should you look for me, you'll find me here, in Mary's World!
