Is It A Mountain...or Just A Bump in The Road?

Let me begin with an acknowledgement that many of you reading this, most likely don't know me, personally. In fact, I know this to be true from the stats I read on my site. So, because of that, I want you to know I realize I'm a bit hard to understand at times. I can be evasive and a bit confusing because my brain tells me to be.

My world consists (much of the time) through metaphoric murmurings. In other words, I like comparing metaphors to real life situations. Doesn't everybody? 

Even though I thought it quite evident that was what I was doing, it was brought to my attention that the reader couldn't connect the dots. Thus this preview...

Anywho...

Today, I have a new sticker that I recently purchased off Etsy. When it arrived, I immediately placed it on my (also recently purchased) laptop computer.

It says, "I've survived too many storms to be bothered by a few raindrops." And of course...this is a metaphor. Mostly. Purposefully.

Many of you know, and remember with great fondness, my sister, Becky. She was my confidant, my protector, my inspiration, for many of my earthly years. She went home in 2008, but there are days I still feel her close by. 

Today is one of those days. My new sticker brought her to mind. She probably made sure of that...if indeed those gone on can reach earth from there. We are told that nothing will hinder us, once we are there. So...possibly heaven's citizens can touch earth's? Or maybe it's just our memories of them that inspire us.

Her thing was, "Is it a mountain to climb, or just a bump in the road?" Mountains take a lot of prayer and letting go of what we hold dear...that being control. Control of any given situation. Control of what (or who) we felt needed our guidance.

Bumps in the road were things we just needed to slow down for. Things that actually required control. Control of our emotions, our desires, our dang-its.

The sticker I found on Etsy reminded me of the storms of life this almost 79 year old has experienced. Storms that required laying down her own will for that of another so that she might survive until the storm subsided. 

And then it brought my thoughts to the raindrops now falling (metaphorically) that actually feel like a storm brewing. But what we fail to realize, occasionally, is that rain can be refreshing when we allow it to be. Rain can sooth us when we begin to see its purpose. Literally and metaphorically...

Still...it might be wise to cover ourselves in prayer, and those we hold close, before the incoming weather has a chance to become something much bigger...all-the-while realizing it could just be  raindrops falling around us. A re-set of sorts. A cleansing. Not a destructive storm. 

One never knows for sure...until it plays out.

Praying continually, here you will find me...in Mary's World.

Is Anything Too Hard for the Lord?

Stay with me for a short while...this one is short, but needs read in it's entirety to understand the point.

Life gets hard, even difficult to maneuver at times. It's in those moments I call to remembrance what God has promised me. 

"I will never leave you. Never forsake you." ~Hebrews 13:5 (Wherever I am, there He is!)

"I am as close as your breath." ~Genesis 2:7 (He has put His life inside my lungs, that I might truly live life to the fullest)

"All you need do is call my name and breathe me in. I give you life." ~Job 33:4 (There's no name as sweet and calming as the name of Jesus) 

We can do difficult things because of His guidance. But we must listen. That's all He asks of us. To follow the sound of His voice. Do what we know to do, and listen...

As I listened to Genesis 18 this morning, a piece of the Scripture was dropped into my heart that caused me to hit "pause" and sit for a bit thinking about it. It wasn't as strong as a full on body slam...but close.

"Is anything too hard for the Lord?" ~Genesis 18:14

Sarah, Abraham's 90 year old wife, laughed when she overheard a conversation between God (an angel of the Lord) and her husband. God had promised them a son that would usher in a lineage of people that would eventually give the world a saviour. Years ago!!! And here he comes to confirm that promise years after they were waaaayyyy too old. Honestly, I think I may have laughed, too, at that point. 

They had waited so long, Sarai (her name at the time) gave up hope of it ever happening, so decided to take matters into her own hands (we've ALL done this, right?) and do what any true Israelite would have done (even though she was Hebrew) and produced a child through a surrogate, of sorts. Her hand-maiden. That was how it was done back in the day.

As I sit here, pondering the message God was putting out there for these two; one past the age of entertaining the act of doing his part in this processes, and the other past the age of actual child bearing, it had to be a bit daunting...and even laughable. Don't you think?

And yet...is anything too hard for the Lord? 

The God of all creation, who hung the stars in space and caused the world to rotate as He filled it with life-giving creatures, plants, and vegetation? Is anything too hard for Him? Yeah...I think not.

The impossible things of life is where God does His best work! (Read that again)

In the things most difficult for us, the things we have tried so very hard to control and can't seem to make much of a difference in...there He is! THERE HE IS!!! So not a one of us can boast as to how we made things good, even great, as hard as we try. Things we have given everything for, and yet they seem to still be chaotic, at best. Unsolvable...

That's where our God steps in and says "Watch what I will do for you." ~I Samuel 12:16 

Is anything too hard for the Lord? 

Ask Him for ears to hear clearly. There may not be instant gratification, but there will be peace of mind while walking through the mire of any given situation. Just knowing He is for us...not against us, will help us to hear directions more clearly.

Breathing in His goodness, here you will find me...in Mary's World.

Is Love Blind?

It's a show on Netflix. Is Love Blind flashes across the opening episode as the show begins. A "show" in the most literal terms. 

Hopeful singles prepare for a marriage partner by visiting small rooms, known as "Pods," that are sectioned off where neither participant can see the other. All they have to go on is the voice of the one they're "dating", and the words that are being said to them by the other. All to see if there could possibly be a connection of sorts. Guided mostly by feelings and blind trust. First two mistakes...

Judge me if you must, but there are times when walking in the undesirable places of this world, wisdom grows. But, when we say, "I would never do that," we are actually confirming we are better than the ones who are doing "that". And...we may be. At that time in our lives. Better, not because of who we are, but better because we have found truth. Found what gives real peace as we follow our life's journey. And it's not in the "try before you buy"...at least not in this instance.

John Bradford, a 1550's Christian martyr, said this: "There, but by the grace of God, go I." At a time when Mary (Bloody Mary) Tudor ruled England, and many were being put to death, burned at the stake, because of their Protestant faith, John was humbled when seeing so many having to die for what they believed. Yet, he too, was eventually martyred. We all are no better than the next. We've just walked different paths.

I've walked in the dust of the earth, and I've walked on freshly swept streets, so-to-speak. I have experienced both sides of dark and light. Both sides of fear and peace. I prefer peace...

So much could be said about this particular Netflix series. But, I won't. It has been some time since last indulging, because the program quickly creates an unsettled feeling inside of me. It's hard to watch these clueless people humiliate themselves...and me. Just being a part of the human race, causes me to wince just a little when watching people willingly open themselves to ridicule. 

Anyway...Is love blind?

I would say there are times we all can experience blindness, yet have sight. Season 10 just wrapped up. I stumbled upon it a few nights ago when looking for something to relax with before bedtime. I know. TV is usually a poor choice. Whether it is just a news station, or a Chicago PD show. Worst things to end a day with. But, I do. Most nights...

At the end of each season, Is Love Blind, has a Reunion segment. It was that, that I stumbled upon. My immediate thoughts were, "Hmmm...I wonder who got tricked this time," and "How bad was it?" It's the nosey side of me. If I can find someone less intelligent than myself, I win. Right? Ughhh...

Remember the statement I made in the 3rd paragraph of this post? The undesirable places creating wisdom, part? Welllll....this particular reunion of season 10 participants, struck a note in me. Can't say that has EVER happened before. One of the couples that actually made it to the marriage altar, and were thought to have a "happy ever after" life in front of them, didn't. 

Four months in and the guy leaves. His reason? "I couldn't live up to the standards required because of trust issues with her past relationships with men." She went into the relationship with binoculars. Fully expecting her worst fears to transpire. Poor guy didn't have much of a chance. And he was young, so hadn't fully understood that marriage is a selfless life. One where we give our all, and expect good things to return to us. But if they don't, we keep giving to the one we claim to love, even in the hard times. Selflessly...

And that is what hit me...

So many of us carry baggage from past relationships into new relationships, walls up and ready to engage should any appearance of possible betrayal come front and center. We listen for it. We expect it. And, I'm not saying we should totally let our guard down; past hurts and wounds are real, and we want it all behind us. Hoping there is someone who will treat us as the gift we are. (Did I hear a laugh just now?) The gift that needs cared for. The gift that needs cherished.

Trust is earned. Or is it innocent until proven guilty? Same thing, right? Let's be honest, here. We all judge. We do. How can we not? The voice of reason is loud and clear. Even when looking at a books cover, we make a judgement call most of the time. Is this book something I want to engage with? Then you open the cover and read the forward. That tells us if we should be interested, or not.

We do the same with humanity. We look at the "cover". Does it impress us? We read the forward by listening to what comes out of the mouth. That should be our first stop. How do they communicate? The way they use language is very important, in my book. The expressions they provide tell us more than most realize. I am constantly reading body language (which my husband laughs at). That's the way I approach anyone. Friend or foe.

So, yes. Innocent until proven guilty. However, the statement that came from this Is Love Blind guy, caused something inside me to take notice. Something that made me ask myself some hard questions. Something that made me ask just how hard has it been to live with me? I think I'm a pretty great gal, yet some would say Dennis has been a saint throughout our marriage. Which I've never been able to figure out. We both have had our fair share of being an instigator, and he is a great guy. But sainthood??? He works on it from time to time. And then there's me. I'm a lot. 

Still a gift from God, but a lot at times...

Being a sharpening tool, here you will find me...in Mary's World. 

#myworld #lifeasiseeit #myjourney #islovetrulyblind #innocentuntilguilty

P.S.

Love is a choice. We choose. We learn what love truly means. 

Locked Brakes...

It often feels as if someone has put on the brakes, while simultaneously commanding the body to find its sweet spot of rigor mortis, or numbness. 

Once the brakes have been applied to the ordinary everyday life, it's easy to sit back and "let the good times roll." Or to stare aimlessly out the study window. Trust me. I know something about this. Eight months in, and my body is yelling for attention. The kind that allows it to move more than a few times a day. It's not known what to do with nothing to do for approximately 78 years, 8 months, & 2 days. A new world has now emerged, and the owner of this body doesn't know quite what to pivot towards. Still...it's a pretty decent life. It's just that this old body is having a bit of "stiffness" settling in. It still keeps up, but has to try a bit harder these days.

I'm finding out just how disciplined I am, really. And let me tell you...it's scary! I keep hearing real voices say its time to take my ease. "You've worked hard your whole life." "You've earned this rest." "It's okay to relax." Right. When has anyone known me to relax? I've been a pretty tense person most of my life; a fairly high maintenance gal.

The problem??? Relaxing feels sooooooooo good!!! Until it doesn't...

Today is a beautiful misty morning, with showers expected in just about 3 hours. This kind of weather is calming when I take my walks. Sadly, I've been relaxing just a bit too much these days, and walking has become a spur-of-the-moment deal. Not good discipline. Oh, I keep the laundry up (most of the time), keep the house tidy (most spaces), and visit the greenhouse to care for those who can't care for themselves. But that's about the scope of my busyness.

I do keep my early mornings open to sit with the Word, stay still and listen for the slightest bit of wisdom that comes only from above. This morning I fell asleep (shhhh...you love it too when your child falls asleep on your lap) while listening to a reading from Luke 9 where Jesus corrals his disciples and tells them it's time for them to take up the staff as they proclaimed the kingdom of God. Yet, discipline doesn't come easy for these guys. Nor for anyone.

Even though they had been given the authority needed for what they would encounter (we actually have that as well) they were still in the learning stage, and quite frankly, acted as though they were toddlers just learning to walk. Because they were. 

As the day wears on, Jesus informs his disciples about the upcoming trial and death. Not once, but twice. He knew they were likely to brush it off and not really consider what it actually means to be a follower of Christ. I'll let you find out on your own. Just read Luke 9. There, you will get a feel for it.

Spoiler Alert: It requires discipline to the nth degree.

Soooo...back to brakes being applied in my world of worldly discipline, that also requires a full tank of discipline. When one has a responsibility, such as a job provides, one rises to meet the challenge. Daily. It's just a given if you want to eat, pay the bills, and lay your head at night, in peace. Once that is no longer a thing to be had, well, responsibility weakens. Especially until one pivots and declares a new challenge. A new way forward. Requiring discipline to once again become engaged.

Could someone pry my foot off the hold in place slot, or please, just inject me with imagination blockers? 

I don't mind the slow roll; just don't want to stop and stare.

As always, here you will find me...in Mary's World.

When Everything Goes Dark

What would you think if, as you were driving before the sun came up, and the head lights beams suddenly went dark? What would run through your mind as you tried to remember how to manually turn them back on? 

The year is 2026, and humanity has increased in knowledge so much so, that everything is easier, faster, and is done with precision. We barely have to think for ourselves these days. It seems as if everything is ran by what has been "wired" into the main frame of anything needed to navigate life as we know it. Right? 

Thus, when I open the door to my car I fully expect, fully depend on, that car doing what I need it to do. I never second guess it. It's the norm...as it should be. Today's vehicles automatically know what is expected of them before any action by a human has been taken. I need not do anything, other than push the magic button to command it's attention to detail, as the motor beings its purr, the lights illuminate, and then...as I shift into gear, all four doors lock instantaneously. It's ready for me...for the destination I direct it to go.

But...what happens when the car decides IT wants to be in control? Including taking control of the brakes & the accelerator, as the pitch black atmosphere consumes us?

That's exactly what happened around 3 AM this morning. 

Dennis was in the passenger seat, being the silent partner, as the dark sky surrounded us. Rarely having the need to call my attention to being an unintentional driver, he must have dozed off. It was early...

When everything went black this morning, he still sat in silence, as if all was as it should be. But all was not as it should be. We were driving in the dark, with no way to see what was in front, in back, nor what surrounded us. No other cars on the road at the time.

"Dennis! I can't see!" I said it multiple times with no response coming from my partner. It was when the sound of loud horns (ah...there they are) being laid upon, yet not until my car began eating dirt, did I hear the voice of my beloved. He had reached over, trying to find access to lights, when his voice split the silence. "Mary! You're going off the road!" I already knew that...

Since my brakes weren't working, yet not considering the very real possibility of hurting someone else, I turned the wheels to the left trying to get back upon the road. I must have been in shock. Why would anyone choose that path? Thinking about it now, I really don't know why I didn't just let the car do what it had set out to do. Kill us both. Still...I don't understand how I had control in that moment, but not later.

As I made it back upon the blacktop, the lights suddenly came on. I had swerved into a one lane intersection, when the car stopped all by itself (no control of the accelerator, nor the brakes, remember), and we were waiting for what would happen next. It didn't take long for the car to start moving again. This time, slowly inching its way backward as the steering took ALL control out of my hands. 

The car was backing up around the pickup truck sitting just to my left that was in a lane separated from ours by a grassy median. I was beginning to wonder where in the world we were. I had never seen a roadway so complex.

The sun had not risen just yet, so we were still clueless as to most of our surroundings. Even with lights now burning through the blackness, our location was not known. The car continued to slowly make its way around the back of the truck and continued across to what looked to be a gas station parking lot. I kept trying to stop the dang metal (well...mostly fiberglass), demon that was holding us captive...but to no avail.

It was when the car began to pin a woman against a wall of the building, that I woke...still sitting in my office chair, lamp light on, and eyes covered with a dark cloth. What a relief!

As always, here you will find me...in Mary's World.

Choices

My 43 yr. old self...

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again!

I don't know about others, but for me, I must have a plan of action decided upon, or the hours of the day slip past me ever so quickly! Before I blink a couple of times, I am yet again flipping the calendar month to the next.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. Yours, too. The next 12 hours (or more) are ours to use as we see fit. How we use them is totally up to us. We must decide, then follow through. If I don't make a clear decision, the day has been for naught. Nothing (or very little) will be accomplished. And there is no one to blame but ourselves. It's absolutely no one else's fault. We gotta stop shifting the blame. Unless a gun is being held to our head, the decision is 100% ours to make. Yes...we may feel we must make a decision we'd rather not because of family issues. Regardless, the decision is ours. We must weigh the consequences of our choice(s), then choose.

While it's great (some days) not having a "have to" agenda, if I'm not careful, I will while away the hours and find rest at night not a thing to be had. I'm still working on this retirement thing. So far, it's been nice in that my time is my time. But there are days I'd rather it be just a bit more active. I'm working on it.

My dad often reminded us as kids, that when we work hard while work is to be had, we could lay our heads upon our pillows at night and rest well because it was an earned rest. Always speaking the truth in any situation, was also a real thing and was the needed choice if one wanted to truly rest. Day, or night. He wasn't wrong...

That, among many other things, found a nesting place in my mind over the years of training that my parents provided. I'm so glad he and mom taught truth, regardless of how it made us feel in the moment. They trained us to live an honest life. A life of giving an honest days work for an honest days wages. And always being truthful...even when it hurt. And more so, we learned helping others gave us a sense of worth. We never begrudged helping where help was needed.

Soooo...today, I am planning the course of my week. Forward movement will be made. Even if it hurts in the moment. The results will be (I hope) phenomenal!

Carry on, soldier!

As always, here you will find me...in Mary's World

True Valentine Love

Waking early...not uncommon...I made my way to the kitchen to start the coffee and prep for the day. My body was weary and my eyes heavy.

With coffee cup filled to the brim and a KIND Protein Breakfast Bar in hand, I settled in the study...again, not uncommon. But then, what was soon to transpire, was something that hasn't happened on the regular for quite some time. I wasn't prepared for it, but received it with gratitude. God always knows what I need, and will show up when I least expect it. This was no different and I recognized it as being straight from his heart to mine. 

I had finished listening to TTW (a guided 10 minute audio journey through the Bible), when I felt the need to stop. To just rest for a bit.

Today's reading had been from Genesis 28 where Isaac was close to death and was going to bestow a blessing on his eldest son, Esaus. But, Rebecca, his wife...came up with a gigantic plan to deceive him (Problem #1) and cause the blessing to fall on Jacob (her favorite son). The birthright, AND the blessing was rightfully Esaus'. Doesn't sound like this will turn out so good, right? 

Isaac (the dad) was what we would call "legally blind" today. Pretty much couldn't see anything. So Rebecca (the mom) got this bright idea to have Jacob (younger son) bring her 2 of their best goats so she could slay them and cook up a tasty meal for Isaac before Esau returned home from hunting his wild game, cooking it up just right, and then serving it to his dad (as Dad had requested...that dad's wifey overheard) so HE (Jacob) could receive the blessing that was not rightfully his. Confused yet?

Something you should know: Esau was a very hairy dude. Jacob, not so much. The Bible says Jacob had smooth skin (Problem #2). Well, Mom had that covered, as well...literally. She used the skin from the goats (very hairy), to lay over Jacobs arms and neck (tricky lady), just in case Isaac reached out to touch Jacob while giving the blessing. One thing they couldn't change was the difference in the two brothers voices. Isaac recognized it, yet ignored it. What?! I've never understood this crazy decision. Was he in THAT big of a hurry to throw out the blessing with the baby and the dish water? (Problem #3)

This is a really great read, so I won't explain how this played out (it's so interesting), nor the outcome of this great deception. Mostly because it's not what this blog post started out to be. I just got carried away while explaining what I was doing this morning before the message God sent me, via brain waves. Again...not so uncommon. You can read the completion of the story in Genesis 27. You should keep reading through Genesis 28, though. It's quite the story! And who said the Bible was boring, anyway??!! Most likely those who haven't read it. Or who opened to the book of Numbers and read that.

Anyway...my eyes were hurting just a bit and I was very tired, so I grabbed the cloth I use to cover my eyes, when in my study, to shield out the bright sunshine that welcomes me most mornings around 8:10 AM. The sun is positioned just right, at that time, and the beams filter through the shades so precisely it startles me occasionally. With dark cloth over my eyes, I lean back in the chair to rest.

Defined dark clouds form in the heavens, moving about, giving way to a plethora of stars gleaming as they move around, twinkling in the dark sky. Then, the clouds slightly move out of sight, revealing beautifully snow capped mountains, with what appeared to be people standing on the edge of some of the mountain tops. They were so far away, I couldn't tell who they might be. Just people.

Suddenly, faces began to appear, slowly revealing who they were. It's as if they were quietly floating through the sky coming towards me. Watching me. Looking straight at me. One of those faces was my sister, Becky. She left this world in 2008, but there she was. With my eyes still closed, and still under the cloth that shielded them from natural light, I watched, not wanting to miss anything. 

The dark clouds gave way to pure white clouds, as tiny hearts ushered in the medium sized hearts that gave way to much larger hearts, then back to smaller hearts. So many hearts! I didn't hear anything, but it felt like a symphony of love in the form of hearts. Hard to explain, exactly. But it was beautiful. It was comforting. It felt real.

Admittedly, I have been under a bit of stress these last few days. Mostly, the entire week, to be honest. Heavy on my chest, to the point of having to take a beat and relax. I wasn't up to doing much as the battlefield of the mind played out. I was sad. Feeling a bit inessential. It happens, occasionally. Not often, just occasionally.

So, maybe it was just my brains way of protecting me. Of shoring itself up. But it felt like God...

As always, here you will find me...in Mary's World.

P.S. God's love surrounds us. Always. We just have to recognize it in order to feel the freedom it gives.