The Little Things

I find myself watching birds more closely than at any other time in my already lived life. They fascinate me. I'm not sure when this all started, I just know that it's now a real thing.

My first emotional connection to these creatures, or in this particular case, their likeness in a ceramic form, was during the Christmas holidays back in 2012. I had moved to North Carolina that past August. I moved ahead of my husband (he stayed in Oklahoma, to sell our house), to get the new salon up and running before the holidays hit. We both thought it the right thing to do, since 1)we had been told our place would sell quickly, and 2)the place I had my eye on to set up business, was quickly filling up. If we didn't act now, the chances of getting the spot I wanted would slip away. So we made the decision, together, that he would stay behind. I didn't like it. It was the hardest thing to send him back once we arrived in NC, with little more than the clothes on my back.

One of our oldest daughter's upstairs bedrooms became my home for the next year...and Dennis had our house all to himself. Like most things, there was the good and the not-so-good attached to that plan. We talked each night before going to bed, reassuring each other (okay...he reassured me), that it was all going to be okay.

As the days turned into weeks and the weeks into months, I began to feel myself falling. I was able to maintain somewhat of a positive attitude, but with each long day, my confidence began disappearing. I allowed myself to become easily intimidated and feelings of uselessness overtook me. So unlike me.

That first Christmas, Dennis flew in to celebrate with us...his family, that was now 1200 miles apart. We, along with Todd & Lindsey & Meg, took a small road trip, going West, to Boone and Blowing Rock. They have a lot of really cool shops in both these small towns. Upon entering one of those shops, my eyes immediately saw the prettiest ceramic birds I seen up to that time. I loved the coloring on them, and the touch of detail to their wings and tail feathers.

For no reason at all, except for the fact I was an emotional wreck by that time, I could not contain my tears. We had already spent what money we planned on spending for each other, and they weren't just pocket change. I may have said something like, "I have no place to put them even if we could afford them." Yup...feeling really low. I wouldn't allow myself to even consider we were close to owning our own place again. 

I think it was Lindsey who spoke to her daddy about getting the birds for me as a deposit of something better to come. For hope of a future together again. Along with the birds, he had also purchased a large flat screen television to put in my room. He was helping me cope as best he could. Such a thoughtful guy...and I was so happy to actually be able to look at something (the birds) I could wrap my head around for better days ahead. Something of promise.

I fell in love with the birds and the significance they spoke of. Freedom. How I needed freed...from myself. From my thoughts. From my lack of perspective. From my increasingly growing waistline (and neck). And most of all, from my moping attitude.

So began my love affair with these creatures.

A year after my move, our house sold, and D was able to make his move to NC as well. Now, we have bird feeders, bird houses, and bird baths, in our yard. It is so much fun watching God's creatures as they build, eat, and bathe. They bring a sense of peace to our place...and now I need a deck...it's always something, right?

A couple of days ago, I was meandering around downtown Cary, checking out the businesses that I have not taken the time to visit yet. I came upon a little home and garden shop. I loved the style of the exterior, so decided to venture inside. They had so much to look at, but in a little back room I spotted a couple of small birds that I knew I'd be taking home with me. Aren't they the cutest little things? And unlike the ones purchased in Boone, these little fellas cost me only a bit of pocket change. They're an "I told you so", another prompting to notice the little things in life and not become weighted down from a lack of perspective. When we look at the dust around our feet, it doesn't take long for that dust to become a mire much like quicksand. And it's only purpose is to consume us so that we might not see purpose...and then lose perspective.

Thanking God for His kindness towards us, even in the little things...here, you'll find me...in Mary's World.

My Dream World

It's not unusual for me to have (what I call) spiritual dreams. At least it didn't use to be. Today, I would be hard pressed to tell you of a dream, within the last 7 years, that I believed to be of spiritual significance. Until this past Sunday evening.

In this dream, I was speaking to a large crowd at a college stadium. Being the last to speak, out of a number of speakers, I began to look over my notes. As I read the words, I wondered why I chose to write these notes on paper that looked more like a scroll that rolled out vertically. And why do these notes differ from what I had planned?

This is what I read as I began reviewing the words on this scroll:

This is amazing grace
This is unfailing love
That You would take my place
That You would bear my cross
You lay down Your life
That I would be set free

Deciding I was to ask what those words meant to them (the audience), I felt I must first ask the question, "If this was your last day on earth, if you knew you would die today, what would you do?" As I began this dialog, I said, "I want to ask only one question, then you may go." Upon hearing that simple statement, almost 3/4 of the stadium emptied out, as if they knew what that question was going to be. Giving them time to leave and allow the focus to get back on what was being said, I waited patiently...as did the rest of the group.

I began once more. "Just one question before you leave." More stood up to leave, even before I finished the statement. I waited again.

Again...more left. The audience was getting quite small. I smiled. I never got to ask this question, or tell about God's amazing grace. Those that sincerely wanted to hear what I would offer, were summoned away for various reasons.

Our oldest daughter came near to me and said, "Jesus isn't coming back." Misunderstanding her statement, I said, "I can show you where the Scripture tells of His return." She didn't mince her next words, nor did she try to argue the point, "The King of Glory is coming," she said.

And that was the end of the dream...

Upon rising, I pondered this dream. It is still fresh on my mind today, two days later. Lindsey was right, of course. It IS the King of Glory who returns for us. The work on the cross has been completed and Jesus has claimed His throne. He is the King of Glory. The king above all other kings.

Copy and paste this link into your search engine, to hear the song...
https://youtu.be/XFRjr_x-yxU

Lyrics to Amazing Grace:

Who breaks the power of sin and darkness
Whose love is mighty and so much stronger
The King of Glory, the King above all kings

Who shakes the whole earth with holy thunder
And leaves us breathless in awe and wonder
The King of Glory, the King above all kings

This is amazing grace
This is unfailing love
That You would take my place
That You would bear my cross
You lay down Your life
That I would be set free
Oh, Jesus, I sing for
All that You've done for me

Who brings our chaos back into order
Who makes the orphan a son and daughter
The King of Glory, the King of Glory

Who rules the nations with truth and justice
Shines like the sun in all of its brilliance
The King of Glory, the King above all kings

Worthy is the Lamb who was slain
Worthy is the King who conquered the grave
Worthy is the Lamb who was slain
Worthy is the King who conquered the grave
Worthy is the Lamb who was slain
Worthy is the King who conquered the grave
Worthy is the Lamb who was slain
Worthy, worthy, worthy

Maybe the audience in my dream world, didn't get to hear about God's amazing grace, but you...you who take the time to read this entry...consider yourself loved beyond measure.

As always, until He comes for me, here you'll find me...in Mary's World

Free To Be

A couple of days ago, just before the rain moved in, birds of all kinds were coming to feast from our feeders and then bathe in our bird bath. As I watched from the kitchen window, I was once again, mesmerized by these free creatures.

One would be splashing around, ducking his/her head and flapping wings with turbo speed, creating a monsoon that cleansed their body from top to bottom...as another waited it's turn, patiently sitting on the rim. Sometimes there would be 2 or three, circling or standing patiently, for the one to be finished. And they never seemed to get in a hurry. When the bather was ready to leave, the next one jumped in and began the dance. It was a site to behold. Sure wish I had gotten some footage of that event, but I couldn't pull myself away from the view. When they had splashed most of the water out, I went out to fill it back up for them. As soon as I took my position back at the window, they began their ritual again. They were having so much fun! I found myself talking to them and exclaiming, "how good that must feel!" Crazy lady that I am...

In the early morning hours, I can hear all the beautiful sounds coming from so many different types of birds, just outside our home. The houses are fairly close to each other, yet the birds seem to love their existence here. I love the variety, the many species, the vibrant colors, and the earthy colored ones, as well. The first time I heard them singing, I thought of what the Rain Forest must sound like.

Here's just a sampling of my daily music. If you listen, you'll hear the Canadian Geese that was in our area this morning. They were quite the amusement for me and Dennis when we first arrived in Cary, NC. Many times traffic has to come to a dead stop for them to cross the road. It's nothing to see them taking a slow (very slow) stroll across any given street. Be it down-town, or in high traffic areas. And you best not hit one. Here, they are given free range.

Matthew 6:26-27 says this:
v. 26 "Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow neither do they reap, nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?" v 27. And which of you by being anxious can add a single cubit to his life's span?"

My sister, Becky, had a figurine called, "I Gotta Be Free" that was of a young girl with hands in the air, releasing a bird into flight. She had purchased it in Estes Park, Colorado. She loved collectors items, and when she saw this one, it was a no-brainer for her. The choice was clear as to which figurine would go home with her.

Birds are the symbolism of freedom. Is it the way that God created them? Surely they have fears of predators. Yet, they seem not to have a care in the world. Or is it that they simply trust the process of life and death? Could it be that freedom brings with it a sense of peace while facing life and it's quirky dispositions?

Our youngest daughter recently had a couple of tattoos embedded on her wrists. Silhouettes of birds sitting, and then taking flight. I asked her why she chose this particular tattoo. What did it speak to her? "Just freedom," she said. "The ability to fly. Birds don't put their trust in the limb they are sitting on, but they put their trust in their wings." I love that!

Much of the time, we trust in the place we find ourselves to be, instead of our ability to fly, as it were. We say things like, "It's the life I've been handed." No matter what we feel, we all have within us, the ability to fly. We can change, or at least find a way to rise above, any situation. A bird sitting on a wire, has ceased it's flying. For it to take flight, it must use the strength in its wings.

As the years have flown by, no pun intended, I find myself watching the birds. We lure them to our yard, by feeding them and making a place to drink and bathe. Even a place to build a nest for their family. Life is good.

I would love to hear your bird stories.

Please comment below...you can always find me, here...in Mary's World.

Why the Night Hours are the Hardest Hours

In January of 2008, one of my brothers responded to my question, "How are you doing, today?" by saying, "Oh, Mary...the nights are the worst."

I've wondered why this is. Why does the night hours seem to be "worse" than the day hours? I suppose many things must be answered before we find the truth on this one question. It does appear, to me at least, that our being must first be in a downward spiral of sorts, or an extreme change has happened, for this to be the case. And since my "research" came up empty, I'm giving my gut feelings full range on the subject.

Maybe we have a simple cold...or worse, cancer, as my late brother did. Maybe we have gone from sadness, to an actual depressed state. Maybe we've experienced a sudden change in life...like a move, a business start-up (or failure), death of a loved one, aging and all it's aches and pains...and yet, none of these realities answer WHY the night's are the hardest.

What is it about the night time? Is it because everything becomes quiet? Is it that this is the time our body is supposed to be regenerating and it's sick? Is it because the dark makes us feel alone...that it's just me and...nobody else? Why are the night hours harder than the day hours?

My only conclusion is that it is easier to feel alone in the night hours. It is easier to feel we must do battle in, and of, ourselves. We must face what has invaded our space...our body. Mind, body, and soul. The day hours are filled with others talking, interacting, busyness surrounds us. Then the sun sets, the dusk falls, and night time has arrived when the world seems to shut down...but we, we are still thinking, feeling, sensing, questioning.

Whatever ails us, a common cold, a looming diagnosis of death, or a vulnerability to sadness...the night hours can be excruciating.  They never seem to move along. They creep. They dangle in slow-motion. WHY???

The body is supposed to be at rest...and it is not...and it's just us, facing whatever is keeping us awake. THAT IS WHY!

Please feel free to add your thoughts in the comments below...I'm going to try and get some rest...here, in Mary's World