For some time now...approximately 1and 1/2 years, give or take a few months, I have felt quite isolated. Oh yes, I have my wonderful friends and I still connect with clients on a daily basis. For the most part, my life continues to be busy, yet with plenty of "down" time...time for rest. Sometimes the resting part, even though appreciated, stresses me just a little. I've always been a worker. From the age of 9 years, most of what I remember is rising early for the demanding chores of farm life, to getting into bed at a decent hour for the rest needed to accomplish all that must be done the following day. Not much has changed since then, except for this very empty feeling I have on occasion.
My husband and I accepted pastoral positioning in March of 2006. With vision and great anticipation of the things to come, we put our hands to the task. Many unexpected things began to take place within the first year. One of our co-leaders, and very close friend, was diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumor and left us just a few weeks shy of a year after the diagnosis. My beautiful sister left this world only 25 days later, being released from the shell of a prison she was in. A rare disease, PSP, had attacked her body, causing the brain to short-circuit from the body. Knowing everything that was happening, yet not being able to move any part of her body, except the eyelid...on occasion. She could not even communicate her needs or desires. PSP robbed her of her life, causing a complete dependency upon love and the care-giving of her devoted husband.
The church that began as "Heart of Worship" went through many changes also. Using what we had until we got what we needed, was a challenge (to say the least) that we met, knowing God was our provider. The church grew fast, with an awesome nursery and kids church. We formed a prosperous women's group and developed leadership meetings...and as fast as it grew, it diminished. Short-sightedness and being new at what God had put in our hands, we made more than a few mistakes, causing a walk-out of our newly formed worship team and then a disturbance was felt in the midst of our women's group, to bring division there as well. Many trying things happened that surrounded the whole church body, that I won't expound on. But, all the while, God was teaching my husband and I about true leadership. Yet, slowly I began a "fall/slide" down from the top of the world. It was as if only a few believed in what we were doing. And now, four years later, only a faithful few remain.
We re-grouped and changed our name to "LifeGate Church", keeping the same by-laws and vision. We knew what we were called to in Miami. We were just having a hard time getting there. A new field takes much plowing. Ridding the field of danger to new plants. And it all was happening without us trying to make it happen. We prepared ourselves for service to those God brought our way, and left the results up to Him. So, here we are, trying to understand and find our way. Not sure where we are headed.
"Be still and know that I am God..." Psalm 46:10, has settled in my spirit of late. I ran across a newsletter from Os Hillman a few months back, and it spoke to me, so I copied it off. Once again, I ran across this same newsletter this a.m. So, I am really feeling this is God's response to my continual question, "What are we doing here, in the place we find ourselves to be?" May I share it with you?
"There is a time and place in our walk with God in which He sets us in a place of waiting. It is a place in which all past experiences are of no value. It is a time of such stillness that it can disturb the most faithful if we do not understand that He is the one who has brought us to this place for only a season. It is as if God has placed a wall around us. No new opportunities...simply inactivity. During these times, God is calling us aside to fashion something new in us. It is an isolation chamber designed to call us to deeper roots of prayer and faith. It is not a comfortable place, especially for a task-driven workplace believer. Our nature cries out, "You must do something," while God is saying, "Be still and know that I am God." You know the signs that you have been brought into this chamber when He has removed many things from your life and you can't seem to change anything. Most religious people live a very planned and orchestrated life where they know almost everything that will happen. But for people in whom God is performing a deeper work, He brings them into a time of quietness that seems almost eerie. They cannot say what God is doing. They just know that He is doing a work that cannot be explained to themselves or to others."
Hopefully the chamber will open soon...until then, you will find me in Mary's World.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Matters of the Heart
I rarely listen to music on my commute to work. I like the quiet sounds that surround me. The noise of my car's tires as they rotate on the asphalt, the gentle hum of the air conditioner in the warm months and the soft flow of warm air caressing my feet, as the heater gives of itself, in the cool months. On occasion I will insert a music CD, if I'm feeling especially lonely for my girls or if I need a pick-me-up spiritually. And then, there was a time some years ago, that I constantly had a teaching CD in the drive, filling my being with anything pertinent to life. But not so much now. Only occasionally...
A couple of days ago, as I was heading down Veteran's Boulevard, my heart was reaching out to God for my family, asking His protection of mind, body and soul...and for His presence to be not only understood, but accepted on a moment by moment basis. I began to sense His presence with me as I talked with Him. And this blog is a result of that meeting. This is what was impressed upon my heart...
"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Cast me not away from Thy presence, O God. Take not Thy Holy Spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of Thy salvation, and renew a right spirit within me." It was a song we at Fellowship of Christians sang many a time, many a year ago. It was a Scripture song taken from Psalm 51:10-12. I never could sing the whole song without tears streaming down my face. It was as if I stood in His presence, humbled at the thought of never seeing His face or being in His presence. Why did this song attach itself to me, now, at this time in my life? I have been a Christian since 1973, and now, God is impressing this Scripture upon my heart. It hasn't left me since that day driving to work.
I decided I must know what could actually take His spirit from me. First, I read the whole Scripture reference and included verse 13, to get a better understanding of what He was saying to me. Here is how it reads in the NAS translation.
"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from Thy presence, and do not take Thy Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Thy salvation, and sustain me with a willing spirit. Then I will teach transgressors Thy ways, and sinners will be converted. " Psalm 51:10-13
Okay...there's the reason we need His Holy Spirit with us. But what must we do to cause His presence to leave us or for Him to refuse to sustain us with His spirit?
II Kings 13:23 says, "But the Lord was gracious to them and had compassion on them and turned to them because of His covenant with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, and would not destroy them or cast them from His presence until now." Wow! There really IS a time God will say, "enough." Disobedience was found in the leadership of the camp, by being willing to do only partially, as God instructed. The king of Israel gave up before he should have...not completing the instructions. Oh my! Now, God would withdraw His covering, and give only partial victory.
II Kings 24:20 says, "For through the anger of the LORD this came about in Jerusalem and Judah until He cast them out from His presence. And Zedekiah rebelled against the king of Babylon." Zedekiah was self-serving. So he was denied the presence of God and if you are curious as to what happened to this young king, read II Kings 25. I know this all sounds extreme, but before Jesus paid the price of our wrongdoing, this is how people were dealt with. Now it's mainly "matters of the heart". Something much worse to have to contend with.
Lastly, Jeremiah 7:15 says, "And I will cast you out of My sight, as I have cast out all your brothers, all the off-spring of Ephraim." A few of the things I gleened from this passage (the whole chapter) is this:
1. Do not trust in deceptive words.
2. Practice fairness with others.
3. Do not make life more difficult for strangers, orphans or widows.
4. Serve God alone. Put nothing between you and Him.
5. Stealing, murder and commiting adultery, lieing, and giving to the kingdom of darkness, are all lumped together and are dealt with the same. Especially when we do any, or all, of these things then come and stand in the house of God (the church) and proclaim that we are delivered, then go back and continue with the same standards.
In this particular place, God had declared His love for them, but they refused it by not hearing His voice. "And I spoke to you, rising up early and speaking, but you did not hear, and I called you but you did not answer." Verse 15: "And I will cast you out of My sight, as I have cast out all your brothers, all the offspring of Ephraim." Going to verse 23..."But this is what I commanded them, saying, 'Obey My voice, and I will be your God, and you will be My people; and you will walk in all the way which I command you, that it may be well with you. Yet they did not obey or incline their ear, but walked in their own counsels and in the stubbornness of their evil heart, and went backward and not forward."
True...He was speaking to a disobedient people back in the day. I do understand that. But is there a message here for us today? God has given us much here in the good ole U.S. of A. We are such a blessed nation, even though it is struggling at the present time. The reason? Could it be from disobedient leaders as stated in II Kings 13:23? And could we bring it closer to home? What about our own decisions? Are they obedient to God or are they self-serving? Is it possible we struggle in life because we have not made Christ a part of our decisions? Just a passing thought...
One thing I know. I cannot live without His Holy Spirit directing me. Do I make mistakes? Oh yes...certainly I do. But it's when I'm not listening. Except to my own selfish ambitions. But He always...always, gets me back on track, because my heart belongs to Him and it's desire is to fulfill all that He has placed me here to fulfill.
Create in me a clean heart, O God...never take your Holy Spirit from me. Don't allow me to sit too long in my own doings, Lord. Keep my eyes on the goal and off myself. Teach me to follow your voice only and not consider any other. I know You are for me and not against me. Your ways cause me to prosper in mind, body and spirit, like no other. My life here is short, but will be somewhere for eternity. I will always have an awareness of life for all eternity. Let it be in Your presence and those you have given me to love here, for this time. Make us always aware of your presence and acknowledge You as God of the Universe and all things created, and serve no other. Just as I enjoy hearing my own children's voices, I know You must also wait with anticipation to hear MY voice. Let me always hear your heartbeat as it sends it's message to all mankind that You have made a way for us to live a full life, if we will but hear your instructions and obey.
For the time being, I will be here...in Mary's World
A couple of days ago, as I was heading down Veteran's Boulevard, my heart was reaching out to God for my family, asking His protection of mind, body and soul...and for His presence to be not only understood, but accepted on a moment by moment basis. I began to sense His presence with me as I talked with Him. And this blog is a result of that meeting. This is what was impressed upon my heart...
"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Cast me not away from Thy presence, O God. Take not Thy Holy Spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of Thy salvation, and renew a right spirit within me." It was a song we at Fellowship of Christians sang many a time, many a year ago. It was a Scripture song taken from Psalm 51:10-12. I never could sing the whole song without tears streaming down my face. It was as if I stood in His presence, humbled at the thought of never seeing His face or being in His presence. Why did this song attach itself to me, now, at this time in my life? I have been a Christian since 1973, and now, God is impressing this Scripture upon my heart. It hasn't left me since that day driving to work.
I decided I must know what could actually take His spirit from me. First, I read the whole Scripture reference and included verse 13, to get a better understanding of what He was saying to me. Here is how it reads in the NAS translation.
"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from Thy presence, and do not take Thy Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Thy salvation, and sustain me with a willing spirit. Then I will teach transgressors Thy ways, and sinners will be converted. " Psalm 51:10-13
Okay...there's the reason we need His Holy Spirit with us. But what must we do to cause His presence to leave us or for Him to refuse to sustain us with His spirit?
II Kings 13:23 says, "But the Lord was gracious to them and had compassion on them and turned to them because of His covenant with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, and would not destroy them or cast them from His presence until now." Wow! There really IS a time God will say, "enough." Disobedience was found in the leadership of the camp, by being willing to do only partially, as God instructed. The king of Israel gave up before he should have...not completing the instructions. Oh my! Now, God would withdraw His covering, and give only partial victory.
II Kings 24:20 says, "For through the anger of the LORD this came about in Jerusalem and Judah until He cast them out from His presence. And Zedekiah rebelled against the king of Babylon." Zedekiah was self-serving. So he was denied the presence of God and if you are curious as to what happened to this young king, read II Kings 25. I know this all sounds extreme, but before Jesus paid the price of our wrongdoing, this is how people were dealt with. Now it's mainly "matters of the heart". Something much worse to have to contend with.
Lastly, Jeremiah 7:15 says, "And I will cast you out of My sight, as I have cast out all your brothers, all the off-spring of Ephraim." A few of the things I gleened from this passage (the whole chapter) is this:
1. Do not trust in deceptive words.
2. Practice fairness with others.
3. Do not make life more difficult for strangers, orphans or widows.
4. Serve God alone. Put nothing between you and Him.
5. Stealing, murder and commiting adultery, lieing, and giving to the kingdom of darkness, are all lumped together and are dealt with the same. Especially when we do any, or all, of these things then come and stand in the house of God (the church) and proclaim that we are delivered, then go back and continue with the same standards.
In this particular place, God had declared His love for them, but they refused it by not hearing His voice. "And I spoke to you, rising up early and speaking, but you did not hear, and I called you but you did not answer." Verse 15: "And I will cast you out of My sight, as I have cast out all your brothers, all the offspring of Ephraim." Going to verse 23..."But this is what I commanded them, saying, 'Obey My voice, and I will be your God, and you will be My people; and you will walk in all the way which I command you, that it may be well with you. Yet they did not obey or incline their ear, but walked in their own counsels and in the stubbornness of their evil heart, and went backward and not forward."
True...He was speaking to a disobedient people back in the day. I do understand that. But is there a message here for us today? God has given us much here in the good ole U.S. of A. We are such a blessed nation, even though it is struggling at the present time. The reason? Could it be from disobedient leaders as stated in II Kings 13:23? And could we bring it closer to home? What about our own decisions? Are they obedient to God or are they self-serving? Is it possible we struggle in life because we have not made Christ a part of our decisions? Just a passing thought...
One thing I know. I cannot live without His Holy Spirit directing me. Do I make mistakes? Oh yes...certainly I do. But it's when I'm not listening. Except to my own selfish ambitions. But He always...always, gets me back on track, because my heart belongs to Him and it's desire is to fulfill all that He has placed me here to fulfill.
Create in me a clean heart, O God...never take your Holy Spirit from me. Don't allow me to sit too long in my own doings, Lord. Keep my eyes on the goal and off myself. Teach me to follow your voice only and not consider any other. I know You are for me and not against me. Your ways cause me to prosper in mind, body and spirit, like no other. My life here is short, but will be somewhere for eternity. I will always have an awareness of life for all eternity. Let it be in Your presence and those you have given me to love here, for this time. Make us always aware of your presence and acknowledge You as God of the Universe and all things created, and serve no other. Just as I enjoy hearing my own children's voices, I know You must also wait with anticipation to hear MY voice. Let me always hear your heartbeat as it sends it's message to all mankind that You have made a way for us to live a full life, if we will but hear your instructions and obey.
For the time being, I will be here...in Mary's World
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