Jani's Closet

I've always been a pretty serious soul. My thoughts take me deep into the reality of life, and because of that, the characteristics of such a nature have given me a very difficult time at being light-hearted, funny, and never "the life of the party."

For most of my earthly existence, I felt misunderstood. Even when I tried to "fit in" or become a part of conversations, I failed miserably. So, for the most part, I just entertained myself in my own little sphere of existence. And then there was a moment in time that my heart reached out to embrace a friend, simply because one of my girls had declared "you need a friend, Mom."

Her name was Jani, and I'll never forget that Sunday morning. As I waited for an opportunity to ask her to be my friend, I almost talked myself out of it, cause "this is crazy." I didn't have time for a friend, and I was pretty sure she didn't either. She was practicing with the Worship Team at Fellowship of Christians that day...yet another reason not to bother her. Why Jani? Why did I choose her to walk through lifes difficulties with me? There were plenty others I could have intruded on. Why her?

Dennis & I had been very close to her & LeRoy, since our Commerce Community days. We knew we could count on them for whatever we needed help with, and they could count on us. Some thought us to already be friends. And I suppose we were, in a fashion. But it was about to get real. They were trustworthy. They were honest. They were fun. They were compassionate. They were sincere. We served together in the church wherever we were needed, and even that was going to lead to something neither of us anticipated.

That particular Sunday morning, I bravely let my guard down and she walked right into my heart. Always having a smile on her face, always laughing…I asked if she'd be my friend. She probably thought I had lost my mind. But to me, the word "friend" gave entrance into my soul, which I hadn't been willing to give access to, up to that time. It's a very long story. Maybe someday I will tell it. But that day was a defining moment in my life that no one was aware of, until much later. Responding, she gave me a curiosity filled, sweet look and with a tender smile, said, "Yes, I'll be your friend."

Our times together after that, were on a very different plateau. I loved Jani so much. She was a true friend, if there ever was one. She tried to teach me how to Garage Sale (that was wasted effort). I saw junk that I didn't want to take the time to pilfer through. She saw treasures. The only thing I enjoyed about garage sales was visiting the donut shop for coffee and a donut, before heading out before the sun came up. I always wanted to drive because I would get us there faster. She caught onto that pretty quickly and never let me drive again. "You have to slow down, Mary, so I can see what's set out." We had the addresses of where all the "good" sales were (thanks LeRoy), and I wanted to get there before the good stuff was all gone. Her response to that was, "If we're suppose to have it, it will be there when we get there." That drove me crazy, but I always gave in. We thought so differently, but God wanted us connected for some reason. She told me once that her entire family was dressed from garage sale clothing. I would comment on something she was wearing, and immediately she would say, "25 cents (or some rediculous price)…garage sale." And I would touch my dress and say, "Belks…$65," or some nonsensical statement. I never had reason to doubt her, but her family always looked as if they had just stepped out of a magazine. And the paces I put her through...well, let's just say she must have been an angel in disguise.

Jani tried to teach me a lot of things. Sad to say, I was a poor student, much of the time. Why she never gave up on me is a sure sign of just how much God loves me. She tried to teach me how to shop for discounted food by taking me to different places where she shopped to feed the masses. Her pantry was always full. I so admired her. Yet, I was afraid of food poisoning. Afraid my purchase would sit on shelves until it exploded, just like any clothing I purchased at garage sales, hung in my closet, never to be worn. She bought dented cans without labels yet knew what was in each can, and as far as I know, everyone she fed is still alive and flourishing. Not sure what their mental state in though…(that one's for you, LeRoy) ;)

Dennis and I would go to LeRoy & Jani's for dinner, some evenings, before our Cell Group Meetings…or they would come to our house. Times I will always treasure and miss terribly. Her laugh rings in my ears now as I type about just a speck of her life. We both had a touch of craziness when we got together. One very awesome memory we shared were the yearly Women's Retreats. We tried to always share a room cause we just liked each other. We would talk and laugh long after everyone else had gone to bed. Laughing always caused us to have throat issues. She would clear her throat, then I would clear mine. For some weird reason, that just set us off. The more we laughed, the worse the throat clearing got. Good times, my friend. I miss you…

After Jani left this world, I felt lost again. It wasn't long after her funeral that LeRoy asked if I would like to bring a young lady that I had taken "under my wing", over to his house and go through some of Jani's clothes. He was going to donate them to Goodwill, and thought maybe Andrea could use some of them. When we walked into the bedroom, I wasn't sure I could stay, knowing what we were there for. But LeRoy, being the guy he is, caused a peace over the room that encouraged me and Andrea, to take a look.

Jani had a walk-in closet to be envied. She was always organized and very neat with her belongings. We did take some of her things with us, that day. I still have them and think of her every time I slip my arms through the white sweater, or shimmy the gray boat-necked shirt over my head. LeRoy later gave me one of Jani's fans that I had admired…and a coffee cup.

I thought of Jani yesterday, when I was putting my husband's shoes back in his closet's shoe rack. It was a day I was glad that I had to pick up after him, because it brought Jani back to me for a while. Was she there, just waiting for an opportunity to be my friend again?

Today, I chose the coffee cup that used to be hers. It was my cup, she told me. I had always admired it when we were visiting them. It was my cup of choice, to drink from. I didn't know at the time, it would bring back deep memories of days gone by. Memories that only close friends share. Boot-camp memories. Memories of trying to re-dig some spiritual wells, of facing difficult, first ever, situations.  It's an inspiring cup, with grass and a few strategically placed flowers, around the bottom…and throughout the middle and around the inside of the lip, there are little bees flying around with words of encouragement. "great things happen when we beelieve" "if it is to bee, it's up to me" "what the mind can beelieve, it can achieve" "bee true to yourself" "surround yourself with beelievers" "beelieve with your heart" "beelieve and achieve" "beelieve you can succeed"…

Ahhhh…Jani's closet. It's so full of love and wisdom. So much you accomplished, in the short time you were here, my friend. You will never be forgotten, for you will live forever in my heart...in my memories...and in the hearts of the oh-so-many your life touched, while here.

Friends on earth, friends in heaven...forever friends.

Truly, God's mercies are new every morning. He knows what we have need of, physically and mentally…

And today, I needed my friend…here, in Mary's World.

The Fun Moments in Life

"You talk even though you have nothing to say," said one of my daughter's, as she giggled at what she perceived to be a nonsensical statement. Little did she know, I thought the response was completely relevant to the answer given.  I had asked her boyfriend how he was doing. He said, "Pretty good." I said, "Well, that's better than not-so-good." And that is how one closes a conversation...I guess, cause it ended.

Why I find this extremely funny now, is beyond me. I'm sitting here typing, laughing, crying, coughing, wheezing...all at the same time. That's what happens when I laugh hard and loud. I literally get choked up. I try to avoid it...

On a more serious note (maybe), I really like her boyfriend. I love it that he and she care so deeply for each other. I love being around happy people, so I worm my way into a conversation whenever possible. The problem with that is, I rarely have anything important to say. So the old stand-by, the common greeting is, "How are you?" Rarely does anyone expect an answer...but me! I genuinely want to know how a person is doing.

I'm not sure, but I'm supposing that God has a really great sense of humor, since He created it. Some people are said to have a "dry" sense of humor. Others are just out and out funny! Like the actors on Seinfeld. Which means absolutely nothing to my inability to involve myself in a conversation. I sit around and smile a lot at other people's conversations...but mostly, I fear opening my mouth. You didn't know that did you? It's a cover-up...*wink*

I think I just proved that I talk without having anything to say..

This is indeed an interesting place to be...in Mary's World.