My Journey Among the Unseen Continues

I've always believed myself to be an optimist. Believing the best of everyone. Believing there to be good in every situation. Always! Still do, actually. When others would say, "Wow, what a pessimistic attitude you have," I would get a little upset. Or, when faced with questions of, "Do you trust ANYbody?", something inside would place a wall of defense directly around my heart. "Why are you always so negative...believing the worst possible scenario?" That statement has always been the worst one for me to face. How does one correct years of pessimism? Years of not trusting others?

But now...now that God has brought me to the place of looking deeply inside myself...the unseen realm of my heart (maybe it's only me that is blind), I am looking myself in the eye, so-to-speak. The question I'm asking myself at this moment is this. Why has it taken so long?! Here I am, in the last season of my life, and I'm just now looking into the deep crevices of my heart? Does humanity believe the best about themselves, always? Or is it just me? Do we neglect, or downright refuse, to see ourselves as we really are?

Dennis has told me for years of my negative behavior, but our youngest confirmed my declaration of skepticism, early this morning. She just sweetly nodded a yes, when this recognition found words that took an exit out my mouth. I love God's gentle way of acknowledging the hard issues of one's heart by putting the most forgiving, and compassionate, individual(s) in front of us when he urges us to look deeper. Today, a recent confirmation (of a month's old supposition), caused my skeptic heart to leap into the "what ifs" and without using the filter of consideration, out leapt words that never should have been spoken. Oh me, oh my...

As I look back over many years of my life, I see, as it were, a panorama of times I've spoken things that never should have been acknowledged aloud. Circling mountain, after mountain, missing the upward way, steeping in all that life had put in front of me, embracing it as my defining self. It's hard to see when one walks in a mist. Easy to lose direction. Resentment has easy access to the heart, leaving in its wake the obvious. Sorrow for a life lived in what appeared to be consumed with darkness, I may have taken on that life, as the one I was handed many years ago.

It's not that I had been refused to visit the high places of God, it's just that once I came from the mountaintops, the decent back to memories of years gone by swarmed my intellect with vivd pictures. And every time, I would push them away to a safe place, to nestle snuggly inside...unseen, quieted, and hopefully boxed away.

It's been only a few short weeks (since June 19th), that God called me to acknowledge the unseen places of my heart. The true reality. {Side Note: Something that just now came to my mind, is my high school's Senior Motto: "To thine own self be true."} See what I mean! Little did I know this would speak to me, some 51 years after it's declaration; after many years of building the pessimistic side of me. The doubter, the distrusting attitude. Could I even be an accuser? Even if it were a silent accusation? The matters of the heart is what God is asking us to deal with. The unseen truth.

So now, now it's time to pull out the thorn(s). Past time, really. I'm actually excited to see where this road will take me. This journey amongst the unseen. It's never too late to examine the intent of one's heart...even if it is in the beginning of the last season of life as we know it.

Working on seeing through the mist...here, you'll find me...in Mary's World

Just Breathe

There are times the world seems to be closing in on us. Times when it's hard to feel the importance of

life. We see others around us and wonder what their life consists of; what their day-to-day routine might be. Are they happy? Are they loved? Is there a hole in their heart from losing someone they love? Is the reason they seem so sullen because they just lost their job or are they going through a divorce? Is their home life good? Or not so good? Are they walking through an injustice? A betrayal? How did they lose their smile? Have they just given up and really don't care they share the same air as others? Or do they feel as if no one really cares if they smile or not? Indeed...if they exist, or not. Why do they avoid eye contact? Do they fear someone might see them for who they are or who they've become? To me, they seem so lonely. Some days it's hard to just breathe.

Today, I went shopping. The area we now live in is full of retail outlets everywhere. Anything a person might want or need is just minutes away. Literally. I really love the fact that we can live in a neighborhood that feels very family oriented, yet brick and mortar stores of all kinds are, as my dad would have said, "just a stones throw away." I've decided this will come in very handy as the years fly by and it gets a little difficult driving long distances. And there are so many diversities of the human race making life all the more interesting...okay, confusing. But only at times.

Just like the people who seem to be walking this life alone, we too, seem to occasionally forget the place we have in Jesus. It is a place reserved just for us and no one else. We are so close to the Father's heart that if we but close our eyes and listen intently, we may hear his very breath. It is his breath that continually breathes life into our soul. We are so deeply loved. He is our eternal escort. Our faithful bridegroom. He will never let us go. There now...it's okay to look deeply into others eyes, even in the midst of your own pain.

It seems to me that we are often blind to the sometimes evasive reality of just how much we are loved. Always looking for validation from those we look up to, or from our piers. Much of the time we buy into the lie that our mates should be the source of our happiness, then fall into a depression when expectations fail us. Truth is, we should be putting our reliance in the One who designed us and draw from the deep wells of contentment that come from the knowledge of whose we are...not from the temporal pleasures that come from human relationships. True happiness, right there! Then, when disappointment comes in like a flood (and it will), we won't walk in defeat, with head hanging down and eyes continually on the floor. We'll then find that the temporal realities are not what define us. It's the unseen realities that speak life into our being and causes us to walk upon the many injustices that come with living as a part of humanity.

It's important to breathe. Just take a deep breathe and blow it out slowly. We must focus on truth as we navigate the oh-so-temporal, that often feels as if it will never end. There, in the unseen cavities of the heart, one must breathe deep as we listen for the Father's breath in us. Ah...doesn't that feel better?

Sure, our situation(s) may not change, but we change. We change because we now realize we can do this thing called life. This training ground for what we can't see at the moment. And our attitude about being adjusted makes all the difference in how well we'll be able to live with a smile on our face and a twinkle in our eyes.

A closing thought: Some will say you're only pretending that everything is alright when indeed, your world has just been turned upside down. There's even a song written about that, I believe. A horrible, revengeful, song. Which really only pushes the pain deeper into the heart. It really does matter who you listen to. Here's a good measuring stick, if you're interested.
     #1. Are you receiving godly advise, or advise that agrees with and feels angry at the pain handed  you?
     #2. Does the advise lift your head and give you hope? Or does it fuel the resentments of the heart, encouraging you to hate?

Let yourself rest in the Father's love. Just breathe...just breathe.

Walking Among the Unseen...here, you'll find me, in Mary's World.