The Freedom and Bondage of Being Alone

We were never meant to be alone. Yet, many are. God said it was not good for man to be alone, so He created a helper fit for him. (Gen. 2:18).

I know we women-folk believe (at times) we don't need a man. We believe enough in ourselves to think what needs to be done, we can do. After all, we're the ones created to "help", right? But I've watched, over the years, as strong women with this view, become lonely women, in time. They say they're not...yet it's visible in their eyes. Truth is, it makes life worth so much more when we have someone to share it with. Someone we are suited for. Someone to share in our joys, our sorrows, our fears, our achievements. Someone to share life and all it brings to us.

The operative word is "SHARE", not simply exist with, having two separate worlds, so-to-speak. It's so much easier to be alone when your mate rarely knows you're around, or rarely-to-never helps with anything, but actually makes life harder by adding to your "helper" list, while it seems they have nothing better to do than entertain themselves with the latest technology available or who values friends more than their mate. Or when you suddenly find yourself looking at what once seemed good, as now not being so good. What caused the "eye-opening" change? And that's another story...

Freedom comes with a cost. Sometimes a mighty big cost. Sometimes a painful cost, which initially seems like relief, but eventually shows itself ugly. Sometimes, actually feeling like bondage. Ah...the despair of freedom. It's never easy, but what is? And the age old question rages on in many the mind. "Who am I?" "Why am I here?" "What is the meaning of my life?"

Change happens when we least expect it, either because of our choices, or because of someone else's choice...yet God has planted eternity in the human heart. We were created for immortality and life's changes prepare us for that eternity. There we find our life's purpose. In Him alone. And I fear THIS, this is where we get confused and make decisions apart from consulting our loving Creator, as we put our eyes on the earthly, the mundane, the exasperating, and the difficult situations that all life brings. Fears of not being in control.

And because we choose to go on our own steam, our own secure thoughts and determinations blow high and wide. Some may have even been "thought out" and considered, with thoughts of making it all better. Some are great decisions. Some are not.

I've not always faced my fears, like I do now that I'm on the back side of the proverbial hill. Back in the day, I let fear rule my actions...and I was held captive to an aggressive man that nearly took my life. Twice! Then everything changed. I decided (or was it the veiled encouragement of my God), that I would rather be dead than live each day not knowing what it would bring. Maybe, just maybe, God knew what I needed to escape the prison I was allowing myself to be in, even though I was not serving Him then. He showed me a way of escape, where there seemed to be none. Then, in the natural realm. Later, in the spiritual realm. And I boldly took that step. Both times.

At that time in my life, I wanted nothing more than to be alone. Alone and free. Free to be me. Free to not be watched over every second of every day. Free to make my own choices. Free from accusation. Free from abusive hands/fists. Free from threats. Free from lies. Free from alcohol induced behavior. But even that freedom brought bondage, eventually. Simply because I had not learned who I could trust, and I trusted no-one. It's still very hard for me to trust in humanity. But I do know who I can perfectly rely on. It is God. He never fails me, never leaves me to my own devises. He corrects me, guides me, walks beside me, and whispers in my ear. Okay...so that sounded a little creepy. By whispering in my ear, I simply mean He has a way of getting my full attention. And I so rely on that, because I know how crazy I can be in making decisions on my own.

Freedom/Bondage...it can actually be a good thing. In Christ alone is there true freedom to be who we are/were created to be. In Christ alone is there true life giving, bondage. What? Yes, the good bondage of knowing we belong to Him. We serve no other. A slave of the One who Created us. How simply wonderful it is, to not venture out and listen to (or serve) someone who wants nothing but to destroy us; to take our freedom to be anything other than who we were created to be.

Fully free, fully in bondage, and thankful God knows me better than I know myself...here you'll find me...in Mary's World.

I Live In A Perfect World

I live in a perfect world.

A world full of beauty. Perfect beauty.

Have you ever looked closely at a flowers design? How about a snowflake under a microscope? And the stars that hang in the night sky? What about the carpet of grass we walk on, or the waterfalls that cascade down the cliffs in mountainous regions? We could admire all the various types of trees...the Amazon, the Rain Forests, the flat lands. I love a fresh Spring rain, and even some of the "gully washes" that produce thunder and lightening. I love the smell of the rain and it's aftermath. I love hearing the pitter-patter of the rain as it hits the sides of our house. There's just something calming about all that to me. I could fill this entire blog with the perfect beauty of this earth. There is a never ending list of beauty. And it's all been placed here for our enjoyment through God's spoken word. And even though mankind has tried to replicate God's perfection, by using our hands and minds, and gathering materials we've scooped out of earths elements and mixed together, we have to agree that in the beginning, it all came from our perfect God. Every element used to create. Even our ability to replicate (or recreate). We've sought wisdom and knowledge, and it's been given to us. Just as He promised (Matthew 7:7) Perfection!

But what about human life on this perfect planet? What about mankind and all their messes, their discontentment, their sullen lifestyle, their argumentative nature, their ill-will toward others, the foul verbiage that spews over on occasion. Maybe it's not really foul, but just possibly they've chosen to make things about their self, not considering another's feelings. The hurt, the pain, the unnecessary rudeness. Disrespect for another. What about random killings, abortion, physical & mental abuse, child pornography, and human trafficking? What about all that stuff? How does that happen in a perfect world?

Glad you asked. I've pondered the saying, "If it were a PERFECT world...", on several occasions. I've always wanted to respond with, "It IS a perfect world," but never have. Too afraid of being ostracized. And I'm relatively sure there will be a few, in not many, that will even now disagree. And that's okay. It's just something that has been floating around in my head lately. A musing of mine.

Why I think it to be a perfect world, when it seems that imperfect abounds, is simply because with all the imperfection, we are forced to either lean into a holy God, or walk in a fog. If we choose to petition God, we become teachable, even changeable. We grow in patience, understanding, showing grace, mercy, and possibly, we become a bit more "perfect" and begin to see perfection in a much different light. If we choose the fog, it only makes our own piece of the world not so "perfect." Yet, it is remains perfect still. Because we've chosen to stick our heads in the sand and refuse to lift our heads up, does not diminish the fact we live in a perfect world. It may have a few stains on it, here and there, because we ourselves are imperfect. And we may still groan for redemption, yet it is all perfect. Our world remains perfect. What we do with our piece of it is up to us.

I think it almost funny, how God created all this beauty and then added humanity...which He later  regretted, by-the-way (Genesis 6:6).

There is a Scripture that I love. It comes from Jeremiah 29:11. It says, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." God had told the Israelites they would prosper as they sought the peace and prosperity of the city they had been exiled to (they were in exile because of their disobedience, and they were about to hear the plans He had for them). As the city prospered, so would they. They had to be part of the reason the city they had been exiled to, prospered.

There was a condition on this promise, as there are on all promises. God is not the great Santa Clause in the sky. He has promised to bless the work of our hands (Deuteronomy 28:12), not give us everything we want...but all that we work for. It all makes perfect sense, right? If the city we live in is a prosperous one, the likelihood of us being in a position to prosper is pretty high. And how does a city become prosperous? By those who live and work there...that's how. God's perfection comes to those who are willing to make an effort to make others lives better, while providing for their own needs.

As we walk out our journey in this perfect world, we must remember that the best growth comes through persevering through trials, not escaping them entirely. And when we learn perseverance, we find surprising joy. Perfection!

Here I'll remain, in my piece of perfection...in Mary's World.

The Amputee Tree

Before we bought our house on Warren Street, the city of Cary had sent tree trimming crews out to

free up lines that were being overtaken by the growth of various trees. One of those trees just happened to be growing, with very deep roots, in the yard that was to eventually be ours. It was one of the reasons I didn't want this house from the very beginning. "They might as well have cut the whole tree down," I said to myself. "That is one ugly tree." And it kept me from looking at the house for a couple of weeks. The picture you see here, shows the limbs just under the wires, and are a part of this once beautiful tree (picture snapped at dusk...a little dark). The void you see is carved out around the electrical wires. The lower limbs reach to the pictures left edge, just beneath the pole. Half the tree is simply gone...amputated.

Thank God I got over myself. The truth of the matter was that our backs were sort of up against that proverbial wall and we needed a place to set down roots of our own...ASAP.

The huge Fir tree stands so majestically along the yards border that faces the street, even though it has had one side very aggressively cut...all the way back to the trunk. This tree is waayyyy taller than our house, and the width is at least two Crossover Car lengths. It looks as if it should fall, from being too heavy on the side that wasn't touched by the very bad, aggressive sawing person. The limbs are so full and beautiful on the side no-one sees (unless they come for a visit). It's a very big amputee tree.

One day (after moving into the house that Mary rejected), a neighbor lady stopped by to visit. Why she felt it necessary to discuss our tree, is beyond me. But she did. "That is one ugly tree," she said. "I would cut it down, if it were mine," said the sweet lady. Now why did that make me fall in love with that damaged tree? Why did I think it was a thing of beauty from that moment on?

I began to spruce it up by adding a bench embellished with intricate design, just beneath it's lush

branches. The ivy that grows up it's trunk swayed so gently against the bench and created a place that beckons one to come sit for a bit. Thinking that possibly a nice mailbox just a few feet away, would make another great distraction, we switched from the mailbox on the house to one beside the road, and then decided to add a sweet smelling Jasmine bush to trail up a metal section of fence just at the back of the mailbox.
Planting an array of seasonal flowers (that are kinda dead at the moment) at the base of the mailbox, created nothing short of a miracle for trading pain for beauty. I don't even notice that half my tree is missing anymore.

Why am I telling this story? This tree, and my sweet neighbor, has taught me that beauty manifests itself in odd and peculiar ways. Just because one may have encountered danger and subsequent pain, in their life, does not mean they cannot be viewed as beautiful. It's what we add to our lives, that will distract the really ugly and not worth the effort of living part. Just because someone (maybe we did it to ourselves) has caused a lot of damage to us mentally and/or physically, does not constitute a reason for giving up. When we realize God has placed beauty all around us, it adds to our life, and our ugly diminishes greatly. And no-one notices the less-than-perfect because they smell the sweet fragrance of a soul tenderly cared for by a loving God. It makes them want to come sit for awhile beneath the shelter of the imperfect.

I don't know for certain, but I strongly suspect that most, if not all people, battle negativity in one form or another. Because we have been mistreated, because we have been misunderstood, because we are not popular, because we have lost our way, because we feel unloved (for whatever reason). We have been amputated. A piece of us has been taken, unwillingly. If you are one of those people, please know that God loves you so very much. You are worth everything to Him. He has planted a Jasmine Bush (as it were), by sending His Son to take our sorrows, and cover us with His fragrance.  He's positioned a bench, by giving us access to His Throne Room through prayer, so that we might come sit with Him for a bit. He has given us beauty for ashes.

Listening for my God's gentle voice, here you'll find me, sitting for a bit...in Mary's World.