The beginning of this post, was started some time ago, before we had purchased our home in Cary. I was still living with Todd and Lindsey at that time. I saved it to draft, not being able to finish it at the time of creating it. There's a second part...at the end.
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I'll never forget the first words spoken to me, as I began hanging my clothes in what was to become my living quarters, for the next 11 months and 12 days. "Don't get comfortable. This is only temporary." Said with that beautiful smile of hers, my daughter may have been teasing a bit, but I'm betting she was more serious than not.
She, and her "Boo", didn't have a clue just what they were in for. Both giving hearts assumed they were extending an invitation to help Mom and Dad as they transitioned from their life-long home, to a place to live out the rest of their years. A place where they would be close by, to enjoy family, and become a part of something much bigger than themselves. It just wasn't supposed to take as long as it did. God, and His sense of humor...
Now, the time has come that we are being allowed to have our own place once again...me and my husband. We were apart all this time, only seeing each other every couple of months. He stayed behind in Oklahoma, waiting for our home of 37 years to sell. Not wanting to leave the house empty, he thought it best to send me on ahead to get the business "up and running" before the holidays of 2012. I hesitantly agreed. We were sure the house would not be an issue for more than a couple of months. He would join me in North Carolina before Christmas...we thought. As our journey took a turn we didn't see coming, we held on to the goodness of God, to His faithfulness. We faced the expense of 1200 mile trips to see each other as the weeks turned into months, the months turned into...well, it didn't make it to years...for which we will be forever grateful. The cost of those trips didn't matter (well, maybe a little), it was always easy to say "hello"...hard to say "goodbye."
I finished early today, at the shop, and have decided to begin packing the things I have accumulated since being in North Carolina. It's not much, so it won't take long. Nothing like the packing done at our home in Oklahoma! THAT was REAL packing! But, as I think about creating space in this little room I've called home for nigh a year, I'm wondering if it will seem empty to the kids once I am gone. Oh, sure...they'll love the fact that they'll get to enjoy their new home, all by themselves...but, I've been here since they moved in. It's like I'm their kid...they'll miss me! Maybe...
There were times I wondered if we'd made the right choice in selling our home and moving to a place we were not known. Starting over so late in life, seemed just a little crazy. But love is powerful. It makes you believe you can do anything, if you just put your mind to it. The impossible becomes possible. You're not sure just where your feet will land, but when God opens doors for you, you'd just be plain silly not to walk through them. We knew it wouldn't be easy, but being the risk takers that we've (I've) always been, we knew it would be fine. Everything would work out without us having to know details.
Struggles...yes, we've had them. Fearful nights...yes, I had them. Doubts...yes, I had them. Loneliness...yes, it seemed to follow me everywhere. Insecurity...yes, it popped up more than I liked. Even with all the love my girls showered me with, they weren't able to fix my heart issues. I fluctuated from trusting God with the situation, to believing it was by my hand only, and what I gave to the plan, that would cause everything to work out. I can't really describe the feelings that seemed to run amuck inside me. What were we thinking, starting over at 65 years of age? Selling a well established business and starting a new one, has been more of a struggle than I'd hoped, but nothing I didn't expect. For the most part it's felt as if I am just a by-stander, watching as things transpire...
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Wow! I started this post over a month ago and never finished it. Ha! I guess life got in the way. It's now September 10th, and I've been drawn to my computer once again, while the President of these United States is giving a speech about the problems in Syria.
God DID find us a place to create a home in. Once again His favor and faithfulness came through for us. It was never lacking, my eyes just weren't seeing it. We had looked at so many beautiful houses and actually put an offer on one. Even though we were the first offer, it wasn't to be ours. Out of real concern that we were not going to find a place to lay our heads, I called our realtor and asked if we might take a look at the house I tried very hard to ignore. I liked nothing about it. I didn't like the neighborhood. I didn't like the brick. I didn't like the fact it had no covering for our vehicles. I didn't like the ugly, ugly tree in the front yard that the city had aggressively cut back to it's trunk. So it was now half a tree. I didn't like the bushes planted at random in the yard. Front and back. But, we were desperate.
I had just put my husband on a plane back to Oklahoma, after bringing him to NC for Father's Day. On the drive back to my daughter's house, was when I decided to take a look at the house. My heart was sick...I felt we were going to have to settle for less than what we wanted. I was prepared for the worst. As I walked across the threshold, head lower than a skunks belly, I was met with a huge surprise. It's as if God said, "I've been waiting on you to get here."
The first thing I noticed was the hardwood floors (I've always wanted hardwoods). Hardwoods throughout the entire house! Then the entry (I've always wanted an entry). What?! Crown Molding??? Beautiful crown molding (I've always wanted crown molding). It was everywhere! In every room, ceiling & floor level...it was around the air return. It framed the door ways. Even the closet doors...every doorway in the house was framed with crown molding! It matched the fireplace edging. The bathroom in the master bedroom, had beautiful 18" tiles that surrounded the shower stall.
There is so much, as the days go by, that I'm noticing about the house "that God built." That's what the inspector said about the house. "It's got good bones," he said, "Built with trees that were strong." I was outside the other day, and noticed the plants that were flowering around the edges. All the years that I've "doodled", drawing everything from cartoon characters, to big Oak trees, these flowers have always found their place on the paper. I've never known what they were...I've just loved the delicate beauty of them. Long and slender...usually purple in color. The color of majesty. And here they were...just waiting on me to arrive.
There is a shed out back. At first, because of my grumpy attitude, I figured it was just a run down building. But much to my surprise, it is a great little building, complete with loft! I'm pretty sure my faithful Provider has shaken His head over me more than once. I've always trusted the One who rescued me, yet somehow, when in the throws of life I find that possibly I've not trusted Him as much as I have thought. One might say I've had my fair share of pity parties. And yet, He had prepared our place ahead of time. The One who is Omnipresent, the One who knows the end from the beginning...it was He that hung the stars in their place and causes the earth to be suspended in space. He loves me enough to have exactly what I need...exactly what Dennis needs...waiting for us to arrive.
This entry has run a little long, but I must share one more thing. Moving day! We had rented a 27 foot trailer, used 23 feet of it, stored it in Raleigh for about 3 weeks, and needed help unloading. My Dennis asked our daughters and our son-in-law to help on a Wednesday night. We thought it would probably take a couple of nights to empty the belly of that monster.
The previous week we had gone to a small group meeting from Hope Community Church. It was our first visit. God had another surprise for us...waiting for us to arrive. Kevin, the group's leader, asked if all would meet at our house to help unload the trailer the following Wednesday. They even brought dinner for everyone! Another surprise came our way that night. Todd and Lindsey's small group from church, ALSO came by to help. Our new home was filled with helping hands and big hearts! More than 20 showed up to help!
And so...the journey from here to there is on-going. Waiting for me to arrive. This is only a snapshot of the most recent happenings in the mind and in the world, of one M J Lewis.
And now...until my fingers have the need to share again, here you will find me...in Mary's World.
