Decisions That Cause Pain or...Love Can Be Painful

 

I made my grand-baby cry last night. Something a grand-parent never wants to do. Yet, a decision had to be made, and in retrospect, it may have been the least productive one, for it caused great disappointment and emotion.

She and I have played guessing games from time to time, and I feel like I just lost this one. There is one called "which hand is it in", where you put something in one of your hands, stretch both behind your back and pretend to switch out whatever the "thing" is, between the two. Then bring both hands front and center, and the other person guesses which hand it ended up in. This was what I was doing with the situation at hand. In one hand was, "Do I ignore the fact Momma only has 5 minutes more of work and is expecting us there at that time (a 10 minute drive...already late), and give in to our little girls desire?" Or, in the other hand, "Do I do everything in my power to make sure both are well taken care of, especially since it was a school night, and our little is still in recovery mode from being sick?" Our girls momma (our daughter) has been extensively stretching herself for quite some time now, so I leaned toward getting her home to prepare her girl for the evening hours. At least, that was what I felt best...

Earlier...right after picking her up from school, she had laid her head on the dining table (very tired), with arms outstretched and asked me to "tickle" them. Her mom used to love that also. She spent the next 5 minutes, or so, relaxing to the soothing touch of fingers gently gliding over her arms. I thought she had gone to sleep, but no. 

Today was "mail day" for her, in which the "mailwoman" left a bottle of nail polish. So she painted my fingernails. I asked if I could fix her something to eat, but she had other plans that didn't fit in the narrow window of time we had remaining. She opted for just 2 slices of plain bread instead of a sandwich or something cooked. So maybe that would hold her over until she got home to eat with mom. She was ready to go to the park on this beautiful day, even though it was only 15 minutes before we had to take her to her mom. 

The day didn't end well, and I haven't slept all night because of it. I've gotten a lot of things done, however. Childs car seat has been removed and disassembled, liner washed and dried, base of car seat scrubbed and sanitized with Pine Sol, all car seats, body straps and strap locks cleaned and sanitized; hair brushes soaked in vinegar, rinsed, and now soaking in baking soda waiting to be rescued; a sink full of dirty pots and pans are washed and drying; a ton of boxes are now broken down for disposal (this is the time I will get mega online orders and need them); 3 loads of laundry almost complete, coffee brewing, and finally I get to stop for a bit. And it's only 4 AM. After a small break, I'll get back to the kitchen and do a little organizing before my body demands sleep.

I am so very grateful for family. For grace when it's needed the most. For a great place to call "home" and for all the challenges life provides us. It's been said, and I agree, "It doesn't matter how many times you fall (or fail), it's how many times you get back up."

Today, I will be apologizing to our little girl and letting her know how sorry her Grams is for causing such hurt in her little heart. I know none of us (including her) is exempt from a mirage of feelings as life is lived. I just don't want to be the one causing that pain, or anxious thoughts. For her, for any of us really, life can show itself difficult when we're tired, hungry, and just not feeling so well. I should have considered that a little more than I did.

"When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I (paraphrased)". ~Psalm 61:2

As always, here you'll find me...in Mary's World

Imaginations

Some say I have an overactive imagination. I'm not sure how I should take that, but I choose to think of it as a compliment. I can spin a story that only conspiracy theorists would sit and listen to. If I can't know what is happening at any given moment, my thoughts begin to create possible scenarios, and it doesn't take a lot for those thoughts to attach themselves as reality, in the worst possible way.

Case in point: I have "Find My Friend" activated on my iPhone. Both my girls agreed to allow me access to their whereabouts "just in case". They both know it helps me sleep at night knowing they are safely home when bedtime arrives. If they're not, and don't answer a text, nor a call, I am headed toward their last known location. And who wants that? Right? Anyway, such was the case one evening, a few months ago, where the app was following our youngest in a place I didn't recognize and it was near a body of water. No response to texting. No response to a phone call. I waited for a bit, until I couldn't wait any longer. My mind was already painting a less than desired scenario, so I sent a message to her sister to see if she had heard from her. She hadn't, but was sure she was okay. I wasn't. I knew someone had grabbed her while she was going to her car after work, and was doing only God knows what to her. Was she hand tied, with mouth sealed by duct tape, and thrown into the trunk of her car? Who had my baby girl? And why were they beside a lake? Oh geez...

Then, my baby called. She knew I would be nearing the frantic stage. "Hi Momma!" her sweet voice said. "I'm working with Door Dash tonight, but I'm on my last delivery and headed home." And though the news pulled my away from the ledge, I was still very concerned. A pretty young woman delivering food to anyone and everyone, past dark and alone, well.... She kept the soft tone in her voice as she spoke to me, "That's why it's called Door Dash, mom. You drop it at their door and dash off. Rarely do I even see anyone, and the pay is good." This girl has never had any problem finding ways to pad her paycheck, should she need just a tad more for special occasions and such. I had no idea you could get paid for selling your plasma, either. But when I found out that was a real thing, my imagination took hold and a whole new story began its journey as it ran in and out of the brain waves as they fired and sparked off each other. 

And then, there was the time I was shopping at Wal-Mart, in Miami, Oklahoma. My husband was employed there, and was walking with me through the store, when I noticed a man and a woman being very secretive. They maneuvered in and out of a couple of displays as they kept an eye out for someone who might know them. I was sure it was a rendezvous of two people cheating on their spouses, as I watched them whispering to each other, sometimes serious, sometimes smiling. Turns out they were store employees watching a woman stealing. 🙄

Someone needs to hook me up to Alexa or Siri for story time and just sit back and listen to the mysterious happenings of who done it going on inside my brain.

Until the next sleepless night, here you'll find me...in Mary's World