True Valentine Love

Waking early...not uncommon...I made my way to the kitchen to start the coffee and prep for the day. My body was weary and my eyes heavy.

With coffee cup filled to the brim and a KIND Protein Breakfast Bar in hand, I settled in the study...again, not uncommon. But then, what was soon to transpire, was something that hasn't happened on the regular for quite some time. I wasn't prepared for it, but received it with gratitude. God always knows what I need, and will show up when I least expect it. This was no different and I recognized it as being straight from his heart to mine. 

I had finished listening to TTW (a guided 10 minute audio journey through the Bible), when I felt the need to stop. To just rest for a bit.

Today's reading had been from Genesis 28 where Isaac was close to death and was going to bestow a blessing on his eldest son, Esaus. But, Rebecca, his wife...came up with a gigantic plan to deceive him (Problem #1) and cause the blessing to fall on Jacob (her favorite son). The birthright, AND the blessing was rightfully Esaus'. Doesn't sound like this will turn out so good, right? 

Isaac (the dad) was what we would call "legally blind" today. Pretty much couldn't see anything. So Rebecca (the mom) got this bright idea to have Jacob (younger son) bring her 2 of their best goats so she could slay them and cook up a tasty meal for Isaac before Esau returned home from hunting his wild game, cooking it up just right, and then serving it to his dad (as Dad had requested...that dad's wifey overheard) so HE (Jacob) could receive the blessing that was not rightfully his. Confused yet?

Something you should know: Esau was a very hairy dude. Jacob, not so much. The Bible says Jacob had smooth skin (Problem #2). Well, Mom had that covered, as well...literally. She used the skin from the goats (very hairy), to lay over Jacobs arms and neck (tricky lady), just in case Isaac reached out to touch Jacob while giving the blessing. One thing they couldn't change was the difference in the two brothers voices. Isaac recognized it, yet ignored it. What?! I've never understood this crazy decision. Was he in THAT big of a hurry to throw out the blessing with the baby and the dish water? (Problem #3)

This is a really great read, so I won't explain how this played out (it's so interesting), nor the outcome of this great deception. Mostly because it's not what this blog post started out to be. I just got carried away while explaining what I was doing this morning before the message God sent me, via brain waves. Again...not so uncommon. You can read the completion of the story in Genesis 27. You should keep reading through Genesis 28, though. It's quite the story! And who said the Bible was boring, anyway??!! Most likely those who haven't read it. Or who opened to the book of Numbers and read that.

Anyway...my eyes were hurting just a bit and I was very tired, so I grabbed the cloth I use to cover my eyes, when in my study, to shield out the bright sunshine that welcomes me most mornings around 8:10 AM. The sun is positioned just right, at that time, and the beams filter through the shades so precisely it startles me occasionally. With dark cloth over my eyes, I lean back in the chair to rest.

Defined dark clouds form in the heavens, moving about, giving way to a plethora of stars gleaming as they move around, twinkling in the dark sky. Then, the clouds slightly move out of sight, revealing beautifully snow capped mountains, with what appeared to be people standing on the edge of some of the mountain tops. They were so far away, I couldn't tell who they might be. Just people.

Suddenly, faces began to appear, slowly revealing who they were. It's as if they were quietly floating through the sky coming towards me. Watching me. Looking straight at me. One of those faces was my sister, Becky. She left this world in 2008, but there she was. With my eyes still closed, and still under the cloth that shielded them from natural light, I watched, not wanting to miss anything. 

The dark clouds gave way to pure white clouds, as tiny hearts ushered in the medium sized hearts that gave way to much larger hearts, then back to smaller hearts. So many hearts! I didn't hear anything, but it felt like a symphony of love in the form of hearts. Hard to explain, exactly. But it was beautiful. It was comforting. It felt real.

Admittedly, I have been under a bit of stress these last few days. Mostly, the entire week, to be honest. Heavy on my chest, to the point of having to take a beat and relax. I wasn't up to doing much as the battlefield of the mind played out. I was sad. Feeling a bit inessential. It happens, occasionally. Not often, just occasionally.

So, maybe it was just my brains way of protecting me. Of shoring itself up. But it felt like God...

As always, here you will find me...in Mary's World.

P.S. God's love surrounds us. Always. We just have to recognize it in order to feel the freedom it gives.

The Power of the Tongue

I've been a bit on the angry and demanding side of a conversation, from time to time. It seems to come naturally for me, if not controlled. I could give you more than a few reasons as to why that has been a thing with me, and pretty close to when it all started. But I won't. Nor will I will ever forget the day our oldest, when only 4 years old, gently said to me, "Momma, it's deep within you." If anyone could pull a root of bitterness out, it would be this child.

We all have our reasons. Our excuses, as to why we are whatever way we are. But that's all they are. Excuses. We will try to make ourselves feel better about the fire that won't shut down inside us, by throwing the ball back to the accuser, and letting them know about their own less than acceptable mannerisms. Thus excusing ours. At least that's what we believe. 

The wedge that grows between two people, that should never have been allowed to develop in the first place, is pounded deeper inside the one trying to reason with the other, as to how their words are making them feel so very much unloved; has now separated them further than ever.

"Retreat!" is throbbing inside the wounded heart once again, as it has done so many times over the years. Because that's all its ever known. Because retreating gives a bit of relief...and space to become even more angry. More bitter. And you've tired (over and over again) to reveal what is happening inside your heart, but there has been no place of acceptance, thus far. On rare occasions, maybe. But it never lasts.

We've all heard the saying that "what goes around, comes around," right? And, "You get what you give." Is that what's happening here? Are unhealed wounds to blame?  How much of left over residue from past experiences are to blame? How much is unforgiveness of repeated injustices, to blame? How long is one expected to lick their wounds. Gross, right? RIGHT! Just typing those words made me gag!

I've often said, "One can convince another to jump off a bridge, if the tone of their voice is gentle." To me, the tone of our voice tells all. It says if the heart is pure, or deceitful. If it is good, or evil. If it selfless, or selfish. Words are just words that have little to no meaning, until they come from the intent of the deliverer. And we all know. We know the intent of the words by the sound they make when exiting the heart through the mouth. However, they can be misread. Often wounding unnecessarily. Often shredding open the scars of past experiences. Rarely holding close the heart, protecting at all cost. That come from a range of insecurities that reside inside the hearer, and sometimes within the deliverer of those words.

• "The tongue is a fire that can corrupt the whole body and set one's life on fire." ~James 3:5-6
• "Death and life are in the power of the tongue." ~Proverbs 18:21
• "Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." ~Luke 6:45
• "Be not rash with your mouth." ~Ecclesiastes 5:2
• "Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise when he closes his lips." ~Proverbs 17:28
• "The tongue is unstable, evil, and full of poison." ~James 3:8-10

Ironically, this tongue of ours also holds the power of peace, love, protection. And it all comes from deep within. But, a time of eruption, whether gentleness, or harshness, the tongue will reveal the heart. For "Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks." ~Luke 6:45 

When harsh words find their release, my first instinct is to run. To hide. Yet, here you will always find me...in Mary's World.

Winter's Light

Inspiration hits at different times, places, and moments. The most recent (for me) was during the Thanksgiving celebration at our first-born's house only a couple of days ago. Lindsey is a creative artist in the truest sense of the word. From the time she was a mere child, she could "see" pictures in her head that took on form so clear she could articulate needed resources to bring them to life. And, for the most part, she did just that! It didn't matter the time of year, spring, summer, fall, or winter...every 3 or so months, her room evolved from what it had been to yet another vision of hers. Always intrigued with light, she learned early on how to capture it in anything she put her hands to. She inspires me more than she realizes...

A new edition of Magnolia Journal found its way to our mailbox this week. Joanne Gains is another one that inspires me. Listen to what she had to say about seeing light. "Winter doesn't withhold light. Even though the days grow darker. Even though the ground lays bare as nature's way of reminding us to still and steady ourselves. This season still shines with strands that twinkle, candles that brighten corners and tables, rays that bounce off snow and ice. In its glow, winter reflects the beauty all around and, in doing so,  prompts us to see where light is shining between the cracks."

She goes on to say, "It's as if in winter's hustle and rest, in its quiet and merriment, we can see...each other, our stories, our days...with a kind of balanced clarity."

Like Joanna, I enjoy looking back to see what the past has to teach me. At the end of each year I always take stock of what's changed. Have I changed??? We must acknowledge where we've been before we can look to the future. Right? I understand that some of us have had painful pasts. We should never dwell too long in that time frame. We made it through, right? So now, we must examine what that taught us as we notice how the light shown through the cracks during that time. Always look for the light. It will guide our steps, literally and figuratively. 

I have often called myself an extroverted introvert. Simply meaning I love being around others for a time. But I truly need my solitude. Don't we all? Something I've come to notice, however, is that when I let others in, into my world of reflection, it becomes a fulfilling time of community. Friendship, even...

We find success, and failure; the fun, the heartbreak; times of great meaning, and times life was so lacking of anything interesting. And in it all, we find each other! We let the light in...

Hoping your Thanksgiving Day was filled with all you had hoped for, and the things you wished weren't real showed a twinkling of light through the cracks. When we allow the light in, we allow our eyes to see where we've been and where we go next. We may even rediscover some old dreams we abandoned long ago. And as Joanna Gaines says, "What if we become more than we thought we were?"

Allowing darkness to become light, here you will find me...in Mary's World.

Truth, or Dare to Believe A Lie

The title in and of itself, is such a huge topic. But only one aspect of it has peaked the activity in my brain waves this morning. There's no anxiety, just wonderings. "Why?" I ask. What causes one to not seek out truth, and all I can come up with is "fear". Fear of being wrong (the what-ifs). Fear of looking foolish. Fear of losing friends.

Fear causes one to be angry when confronted, or challenged, even in the smallest of ways. Fear always accuses those with an opposing opinion, of being "stupid" and of "spouting lies." Yep. I have experienced this, just recently, in fact. I'm pretty sure most of my readers have, as well.

For me....I prefer the pain of being seen as "stupid," to the pain of not knowing the truth. Truth shines a light in our darkness. Truth always reveals a wrong being done. Darkness hides from the truth because the light can be blinding to those of us who have lived so long in the dark. Truth is painful. Yet, truth is worth the pain...

I have been asked, "Why don't you give back what is being served to you?" My answer is simply, "There is no need for that." Why stir a pot when it's already overflowing with hatred? The battle is not ours to wage. My hope is in God, not in humanity. Humanity is flawed, even as perfect as we claim ourselves to be. We do make mistakes. God doesn't.

A spiritual battle is a given in most of our dealings. Why do I believe that? Because we all are spirit beings simply having a human experience. The body may die and decay, but the spirit lives for all of eternity. And because God purchased us back from certain death, from the evils of this world that would try to consume us, our enemy (you know him), will always try to make our lives miserable, contentious, and overwhelmed. He knows our future as well as he knows his, so all kinds of road-blocks will be thrown in our path to keep us from seeking truth. THE TRUTH, not "our truth." Which will in turn bring peace to our spirit. Regardless of the opposing accusations. Nothing will move those who rely upon the God who saves. Perfect peace in the midst of any storm belongs to those who have given up the rights to themselves. No "thick skin" needed. Just truth. THE TRUTH.

"You shall know the truth, and the truth will set you free." ~John 8:32 We now belong to the One who has already conquered death. What more do we need? Words are just words. But when light is shown on them, any deception must back away.

I've never liked a dark room. Maybe this is why.

Constantly seeking the truth, here you will find me...in Mary's World.