The Power of the Tongue

I've been a bit on the angry and demanding side of a conversation, from time to time. It seems to come naturally for me, if not controlled. I could give you more than a few reasons as to why that has been a thing with me, and pretty close to when it all started. But I won't. Nor will I will ever forget the day our oldest, when only 4 years old, gently said to me, "Momma, it's deep within you." If anyone could pull a root of bitterness out, it would be this child.

We all have our reasons. Our excuses, as to why we are whatever way we are. But that's all they are. Excuses. We will try to make ourselves feel better about the fire that won't shut down inside us, by throwing the ball back to the accuser, and letting them know about their own less than acceptable mannerisms. Thus excusing ours. At least that's what we believe. 

The wedge that grows between two people, that should never have been allowed to develop in the first place, is pounded deeper inside the one trying to reason with the other, as to how their words are making them feel so very much unloved; has now separated them further than ever.

"Retreat!" is throbbing inside the wounded heart once again, as it has done so many times over the years. Because that's all its ever known. Because retreating gives a bit of relief...and space to become even more angry. More bitter. And you've tired (over and over again) to reveal what is happening inside your heart, but there has been no place of acceptance, thus far. On rare occasions, maybe. But it never lasts.

We've all heard the saying that "what goes around, comes around," right? And, "You get what you give." Is that what's happening here? Are unhealed wounds to blame?  How much of left over residue from past experiences are to blame? How much is unforgiveness of repeated injustices, to blame? How long is one expected to lick their wounds. Gross, right? RIGHT! Just typing those words made me gag!

I've often said, "One can convince another to jump off a bridge, if the tone of their voice is gentle." To me, the tone of our voice tells all. It says if the heart is pure, or deceitful. If it is good, or evil. If it selfless, or selfish. Words are just words that have little to no meaning, until they come from the intent of the deliverer. And we all know. We know the intent of the words by the sound they make when exiting the heart through the mouth. However, they can be misread. Often wounding unnecessarily. Often shredding open the scars of past experiences. Rarely holding close the heart, protecting at all cost. That come from a range of insecurities that reside inside the hearer, and sometimes within the deliverer of those words.

• "The tongue is a fire that can corrupt the whole body and set one's life on fire." ~James 3:5-6
• "Death and life are in the power of the tongue." ~Proverbs 18:21
• "Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." ~Luke 6:45
• "Be not rash with your mouth." ~Ecclesiastes 5:2
• "Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise when he closes his lips." ~Proverbs 17:28
• "The tongue is unstable, evil, and full of poison." ~James 3:8-10

Ironically, this tongue of ours also holds the power of peace, love, protection. And it all comes from deep within. But, a time of eruption, whether gentleness, or harshness, the tongue will reveal the heart. For "Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks." ~Luke 6:45 

When harsh words find their release, my first instinct is to run. To hide. Yet, here you will always find me...in Mary's World.

When the Unexpected Happens...Light in the Darkness

You've laid out the plans. Plans with a strong vision of what your future can be if all goes as planned, and it does seem likely. You've done the math. The future looks bright; brighter than you ever expected it would. And then the unlikely, the unexpected, happens...

We've all been there. And if from some stroke of luck, or destiny, we haven't, sit tight. We will be. These times are the training grounds of life, and one never gets too old, too wealthy, too healthy, that one gets to avoid them. There's no circling the wagons. No air lifts. No rescues. One must travel the road until they get to the end of it, usually by way of the dark tunnel. Not always, however. I think it depends largely on our attitude. And our gratitude.

We were created for greatness. Not that we are "all that and a bag of chips," but that HE is all that, and a bag of chips. I hope I don't lose you by mentioning the great I AM. Truly, it is by his design we were created with creativity in our bones. Made in his likeness (all living things we see were because of his spoken words), we, also, are creative. When he breathed life into Adams lungs, all humanity was destined for greatness...if they so chose it. If we allow the spirit that gives us life, to lead us, even though we must walk an unexpected, possibly unwanted, path of learning to do without, we will also learn to be satisfied/content, regardless of our circumstances. Hopefully. That is the lesson we should learn.  

We are a blessed nation. Maybe even a spoiled nation. I do get it, however. Who doesn't want the best life has to offer? Or even the comfort that having "enough" offers? My hand is definitely raised! I don't need, or even want, multi-million dollar homes and all that money can buy. Just give me the comforts of life. Enough to keep the HVAC running, food in my tummy, clothes on my back, and a nice roof over my head. Health for my loved ones and something for my hands to do, and I'm all set. 

When I see what is happening to the landscape in California, with fires that can't be contained, with so much loss, my heart grieves for the residence of that state. For those who have lost all their worldly possessions; some without an ounce of insurance for a promise of rebuilding when this all consuming fire has left. Gratitude won't come easily for them. Maybe for some, but for most? I don't know. I do think most will be grateful for having their lives spared. But now what? It will most likely be a hard road ahead for many of them. The wealthy may even have to deal with loss that can't be replaced and the things they have become so accustomed to. But, for those with less monetary means, the road ahead must look pretty bleak as they face the many "mountains" they must cut through or climb over, all the while dealing with old wounds, as new ones are inflicted upon them. Gratitude may come hard.

I pray for them. For their eyes to remain open, their minds understanding the creativity within, and the fortitude to move forward, even if there may be temporary failures. "We are pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." ~ 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 

For those of us facing the unexpected (not necessarily as destructive as fire), my voice adds to yours, "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." ~Isaiah 41:10 

One last thing: God told us that in this world we would have troubles. But that we should not worry because he overcame the world. So could we. His spirit within us...remember?

As always, here you will find me...in Mary's World

 

 

The Voice of Winter

Tis true. Life continues. Bustling cities still bustle. Not a lot changes in the work place, but in the lives of all humanity, a return to simplicity begins as winters chill invades. Life becomes quieter as folks hibernate during the evening hours, welcoming the warmth of a crackling fireplace and cozy blankets while anticipating the relaxing feel of hot cocoa coursing its way across their sensory buds and into their bodies. Homemade soups, cornbread, and freshly baked cookies give a sense of well being as nourishment is supplied our tired bodies.

To me, Winter is a much needed reprieve from all the hustle and bustle of Spring, Summer, and even bits of Fall. Once September hits, I start breathing just a bit easier. By October, my mind starts preparing for the softness that cooler temps will bring, all the while, watching leaves on the trees begin their display of beauty, knowing it will be all too soon they must release their grip on what has given them life. If one watches closely, a tree will define humanity. There are seasons to life. Each season has a purpose, although very different.

November brings us remembrance to be thankful. Grateful, for all the preparation time we've had, hoping we've prepared enough. Enough to carry us through the peaceful season of reflection and the biggest change of all. Hoping we have left enough behind, so our family tree will be remembered long after winter has left its cloak of beauty upon the now barren limbs. 

It is the quietness of winter that I cherish the most. It is in the quiet places where my soul finds its peace. It's in the alone times of reading a good book, sipping on coffee, maybe having a favorite biscotti to nibble on, that I gain strength. Mental strength, which produces physical strength, if given opportunity. 

I do find purpose in every season, and would be sad without the variation, but the voice of winter always calls to me.

Waiting for the snow to arrive, here you will find me...in Mary's World.

When World's Collide

  

We were coming upon our 50th wedding anniversary. My husband had always loved giving me gifts he thought fitting for me, that he knew I would love because he loved them. He's always had an eye for excellence and loved showing me how much he loved me through those gifts that spoke louder than he had words for. Acts of kindness is his love language, some would say. He is, indeed, a people magnet. Possibly because of the kindness he shows to all who step into his world.

The brutal truth here is that most of my adult life I have felt unworthy of love. Not because I am a bad person. Not because I am a taker, yet never give. And not because I haven't loved others. But just because I haven't allowed myself to see as my Heavenly Father sees. To Him, I am perfect, in spite of my metaphorically crooked legs that cause me to stumble. In spite of my sometimes fearful heart. In spite of always looking for the worst case scenario. Always loving the times I allow the sun to shine on my face and lift me up from the dust of life. It's not that I focus on all the wrongs done to me during my short life. It's not that I keep myself chained to the past (or do I?). I do understand that I no longer am bound by it. It's only because I allow myself to be "triggered" by certain actions and statements, that bring the once hidden files rushing to the frontal lobe of my brain, where personality, social behavior, and emotional regulation take place. That's also when I need sugar. Lots of sugar. And we all know what sugar does to us. Right? It jacks us up before slamming us down, where we are virtually unable to cooperate with anything, or anyone.

There will be many who read this that won't understand what my heart is focused on this early A.M., but for some....well, they will know exactly what I am saying. Instantly...

The gift presented to me for so many years of being a faithful wife and mother, changed so many things. First of all, it reminded me of who I have always been. Not of what I had walked through that challenged who I have always been. Nor of who I was meant to be. One simple, yet profound gift. As I think about it today, I think of the Prodigal Son who, upon returning home, his father called for a ring to be placed on his finger. (There is so much more to this story that can be found in Luke 15:11-32). If one would take time to read this short passage, well...I'll just say this: This portion of Scripture has been known to melt the coldest of hearts.

The gift that was placed on my finger at the beginning of this month ( a couple of weeks before our anniversary), reminded me of who I am. And now, outward signs are developing that I had given up on ever happening. Like most, I had told myself this was my life (it is a good life) and that I should forget the desire of my heart of it being anything else. Oh, I'm still me. I'll always and forever, be me. Maybe a refined me??? We'll see where this takes us. If it indeed does take us somewhere other than where I've been my entire life.

Synopsis: God is always working on our behalf, and when we least expect it, will reveal his Love for us in a deeper, more meaningful way than we could ever imagine. And yes. He uses the mundane to reveal the extraordinary.

My hope for you this Christmas season, is that you will see. That you will actually feel the love that our Creator, our Heavenly Father, has for you. That you can get glimpses of how his heart feeds yours. That He is always waiting for us to look His way. To ask of Him. To love Him simply because He loves us. It is we who need changing. Not him.

May the joy of this season be yours, forever and always. 

As always, here you will find me...in Mary's World.

    

And Then She Stopped

It's been 3 weeks now, maybe 4, since I've seen her. The light glows from her window in the wee hours before sunup. Most times the light flickers on way too early. I know because I, too, am up way too early. One should be sleeping, should be recharging, should be renewing the body at 2, 3, and 4 AM. But not her. I'm guessing the years have begun their sapping time, forcing her to retire to the bedroom before she really wants to, and in like manner, rising before she wants to.

I know this time of year can take its tole, because, as her mother once said, "There's simply not enough hours in the day." She was another hard worker! Turns out I met her many years ago (77 years and 6 months ago, to be exact). I just didn't realize our walking girl would turn out to be her off-spring. Stands to reason. I get it now. Like mother, like daughter. Continually busy, asking only for strength to get through what hours the day held. Maybe that is why she has put her health on hold. Maybe that is why she hasn't taken the time for herself, and walked the neighborhood before sunrise. Maybe she is busy gathering, sorting, organizing, preparing, for years end and the beginning of a new one, since as a solo business owner, she has to keep everything moving along. And by the onslaught of packages she's mailing out, I'm also guessing she is swamped with on-line orders in the midst of all the other busy work she must do in such a short time frame. But I have come to know her well. She'll get it done. Of this I am confident.

And then the walking will begin again. But for now, she'll be a busy girl, allowing her head to lower only when she says it can. Allowing her body to still, and regain the strength it has used up. Maybe it would help if she would begin her walks again. Today...

Thinking I just might see her on a walk-about this morning, here you will find me...in Mary's World. 

Winter's Light

Inspiration hits at different times, places, and moments. The most recent (for me) was during the Thanksgiving celebration at our first-born's house only a couple of days ago. Lindsey is a creative artist in the truest sense of the word. From the time she was a mere child, she could "see" pictures in her head that took on form so clear she could articulate needed resources to bring them to life. And, for the most part, she did just that! It didn't matter the time of year, spring, summer, fall, or winter...every 3 or so months, her room evolved from what it had been to yet another vision of hers. Always intrigued with light, she learned early on how to capture it in anything she put her hands to. She inspires me more than she realizes...

A new edition of Magnolia Journal found its way to our mailbox this week. Joanne Gains is another one that inspires me. Listen to what she had to say about seeing light. "Winter doesn't withhold light. Even though the days grow darker. Even though the ground lays bare as nature's way of reminding us to still and steady ourselves. This season still shines with strands that twinkle, candles that brighten corners and tables, rays that bounce off snow and ice. In its glow, winter reflects the beauty all around and, in doing so,  prompts us to see where light is shining between the cracks."

She goes on to say, "It's as if in winter's hustle and rest, in its quiet and merriment, we can see...each other, our stories, our days...with a kind of balanced clarity."

Like Joanna, I enjoy looking back to see what the past has to teach me. At the end of each year I always take stock of what's changed. Have I changed??? We must acknowledge where we've been before we can look to the future. Right? I understand that some of us have had painful pasts. We should never dwell too long in that time frame. We made it through, right? So now, we must examine what that taught us as we notice how the light shown through the cracks during that time. Always look for the light. It will guide our steps, literally and figuratively. 

I have often called myself an extroverted introvert. Simply meaning I love being around others for a time. But I truly need my solitude. Don't we all? Something I've come to notice, however, is that when I let others in, into my world of reflection, it becomes a fulfilling time of community. Friendship, even...

We find success, and failure; the fun, the heartbreak; times of great meaning, and times life was so lacking of anything interesting. And in it all, we find each other! We let the light in...

Hoping your Thanksgiving Day was filled with all you had hoped for, and the things you wished weren't real showed a twinkling of light through the cracks. When we allow the light in, we allow our eyes to see where we've been and where we go next. We may even rediscover some old dreams we abandoned long ago. And as Joanna Gaines says, "What if we become more than we thought we were?"

Allowing darkness to become light, here you will find me...in Mary's World.

A Letter to My Dennis

Dear Husband:

December 14th, 1974 was a day etched in the journals of our history. How did we get to 50 years?! I do know we have lived all these years together, but looking back, it seems not that many.

A statement I hear from time to time is: "You're so lucky you have such a good husband . . ." If I've heard this once, I've heard it a million times. Have you ever heard how "lucky" YOU are for having such a great wife? Hmmmm...

Nooooo...

I think you will agree with me that luck has nothing to do with it.

There's nothing lucky about our marriage.

It's been a lot of hard work! Right? I really wish people would stop painting the picture of a happy marriage that doesn't come through hard work. Or a marriage that has succeeded because of only one person of the two people involved. One can't be coddled while the other sacrifices. Marriage is a unit where two become as one. Or, that's the goal, right? They always have each others back. There is no other person more important than our mate, and they need to know that.

Any couple who has a healthy, happy marriage that has lasted 10, 20, 30, or even 50 years didn't get there by luck. And ours hasn't always been happy OR healthy. Those first 10 years, or so, were pretty rocky, wouldn't you say? 😉🤣

We didn't just stay happily married from the get go.

We sacrificed.

We forgave.

We rebuilt trust that was broken.

We apologized.

We kept trying.

We got help when we felt stuck

    (Thanks, Denny & Becky...😉)

We kept dating, or at least took stabs at it occasionally. Life is busy when there's a family and money is scarce.

We got help when we were stuck. Yes, I know I've already said this, but I also know how weary you became with me, occasionally, and I do understand why...now.

    (Thanks again, and again, and again, Den & Beck...)

We made time for each other when we had come to the end of ourselves. We should have done better, but here we are. Plenty of time for each other now, wouldn't you say? 🤣🤣🤣❤️

We learned how to communicate. Boy, was THIS hard! Still, we've gotten so much better at it now that the work is almost finished. Maybe that was God's plan all along. Iron sharpening iron until nothing could harm us. Until realization hit that we always had a choice. We could withdraw, or we could work it out. We finally realized we are two completely separate people in the throws of becoming as one. Remember the days when we argued about nothing specific, but you would apologize and ask me to forgive you, even if it was an innocent thing? You never liked going to bed angry with me. Or me with you.

We cared more about our marriage than our pride. Pride was a tough one, for the both of us. Amazingly, our self-pride has now been replaced with admiration for each other, and pride BECAUSE of each other. Thanks for cheering me on during the darkest days of our marriage, especially when I needed it, and for taking the blows from my mouth that must have hurt deeply when I couldn't understand your position on any given matter.

No, there was nothing lucky about our marriage.

We worked.

We worked hard for one another.

The truth is—there is no happily ever after without the blood, the sweat, and the tears.

The truth is, you can't get to happy without going the hard way. Without self-sacrifice. Without selflessness. Without preferring the other above ourself. We are not perfect as we are. Life is a journey to be enjoyed as the kinks are worked out. Right?

I'm eternally grateful for you, DW. I'm grateful that your love for our God outweighed the messy moments. I'm grateful that He was the center of all we did, even when we weren't really listening so well. I'm grateful that God put together two people that was an unlikely match. I'm grateful He knows us better than we know ourselves, and is willing to stick by us in the great times and the growing times.

Our marriage is worth working for. Don't you agree? I wonder how many thought we would never stay together. I'm sure there was a lot of prayer going on for us. 🤣

Life has been a very intriguing, interestingly adventurous journey with you DW. And it keeps getting better and better. I can honestly say "I love you" now, with the true definition of what love is. No flippant "I love you" coming from me...

Do you remember the "Love Chapter" found in I Corinthians 13? It was read aloud as we left the wedding ceremony, some 50 YEARS AGO! It felt like a challenge to us at the time. We finally get it! Here's to our future!

Your One and Only,

MJ

P.S.

There is so much more I could say about the last 50 years. So much more of the life we have lived...always together, never apart. Possibly there will be more blog posts as the months & years go by. Posts that share some of the great things you have done, my dear husband, and continue to do, for our family. Happy 50 years with me! Sainthood may be yours...

#faithfullyyours, here....in Mary's World