The Cork in the Water

This one is for those I have seen who can't manage to lift their eyes from the dirt that surrounds their feet. For those who feel lost, or without worth. It's for those who have had too much to mentally deal with before they were able. Never give up. Your life is valuable. You were created for such a time as this.

I used to run headlong into storms. My armour raised, my thoughts prepared for war, never once considering the fallout of unprepared results. Because...for many years I had the need to be heard. The need to be seen; the result of years of feeling unimportant, of being unseen; unheard. Inside I was screaming. Outside I was unapproachable. For a time, silence and solitude was only something others were able to attain, just not me. A peaceful existence just wasn't possible. Not in my world. Because I chose war.

Time moved on, as did I. However, the wounds of all those accumulated years laid dormant, resting, until something would trigger them. Open them back up. And I was on the defensive once again, ready to hide my pain, ready to rebuild the inner wall, deeper...higher.

As the years evolved, God continued his work of restoration. His work of peace and acceptance, then placed within me a noticeable true joy...about the time I reached 26 years of age. And even that had to mature to a place that the hardest of storms could not destroy. It was a place of resilience. Much like a cork that bobs in the ocean will follow the ebbs and tides, knowing its value in the small things of life. Not having to be anything more but what it was created for. Like a new-born baby, I began to learn...to absorb the goodness of God. Of life.

I used to compare my life to that cork by defining myself as having a directionless existence or like a discardable object. Always looking inward, trying to heal myself, rarely seeing others as anything but direct threats to my well being. Rarely, if ever, trusting their interests were anything but pure. I know. Sounds pretty bleak, right? It's a fight or flight response to life. And it's tiring...

Years of living, and years of meeting people whose heart really was pure and open to kindness without expecting anything from me but friendship, has helped the "little much afraid" of years past, to heal. It's been a journey that without the rapt attention of a protective God, I would not, could not, have made.

So, lift that beautiful chin of yours, upward! You are valuable, even if you don't feel as if you are, in this moment. You are heard, even if you think you are not. Your feet may have been places you didn't desire them to be. They may have carried you into a darkness that created fear, loneliness, and a loss of innocence. But you are never alone. God's pure and undefiled spirit surrounds you, never leaving you, as you walk through this valley of the shadow of death. Listen for his heart beat. Ask of him guidance. He waits to hear your voice choose him.

I no longer chase things that drain me. Haven't for many years. And it feels so good! I follow the calm voice that leads me to still waters, where the issues of life have no power to destroy. To the one I know waits for me....to hear my voice no matter what it speaks of. 

And lastly...I want you to know I am not always calm, even though my heart is full of God's goodness. There are things that still beckon me to respond wrongly. To get in that fight or flight mode again. Things that make me not trust. When those ugly memories raise their heads, I stop to remember who I am and whose I am. I stop to remember I no longer walk in the sludge of yesteryear. I choose not to. Sometimes, daily. Storms will come. But they also go. And I can weather the storms, because of whose I am. So can you!

You are more than a cork, yet resilient. 

Always listening for His heart beat, here you will find me...in Mary's World.

What I've Learned About Perseverance

Friday will be the beginning of week 4 since I made up my mind to actually do something with a gift I was given over 76 years ago. Over the years, I've enjoyed having this gift, but never really took into account just how unique it is. Yes, similarities run through it, much like others with the same gift. Still, my gift was unique to what I had need of. For the challenges I would face. For unanswered questions. For living life. For understanding. For a way back to health, mentally and physically. 

I usually begin my daily walk anywhere between 6 and 7 am. Come rain (and there's been a LOT of that happening...which I love), or come shine. Most mornings I am greeted with the fragrance of honeysuckle as I step off the porch. Then, the most amazing aroma from my Jasmine Bush greets me as I walk past the roadside mailbox. As the walk begins, there is most usually a fresh breeze that welcomes me, whether the clouds are dumping their rain or the already warm sun is shining. And I welcome it!

It has taken me all of these 3 weeks to see the trend of walkers/joggers between the minutes of this hour. If I get out by 6:15, it's usually just me. Alone with my thoughts. If I'm 15 minutes later, I'll see 1-3 others out and about. Today, there were 5. Walkers & joggers. On occasion, one of those walkers will speak when spoken to. It's a mystery to me why they ignore the greeting. The runners, I don't even bother to greet anymore. I used to, in the beginning days, but soon learned they must need their breathing to be consistent so they conserve it. I don't really know. But, I've yet to have a response from any of them. One of the runners I meet every day finally threw a smile my direction as we met this morning. I liked that. I knew she wouldn't respond verbally, but it was just the encouragement I needed to wish her a great day. And a walker almost got into a full blown conversation with me, all the while we both walked in different directions. Also, I've noticed the increase in traffic down my favorite stretch of road, during the minutes between 6:30 and 7:00. I'm guessing they're all headed to work, or possibly taking their kiddos to summer camp. Again, no clue. 

The noise doesn't bother me so much. I still see many woodland creatures scurrying around. Which is kinda calming, actually. I could swear the traffic stopping geese I come across, now recognize me. We lock eyes as I wish them a happy day, as well. Side note:Yes, they actually stop traffic here. It's the craziest thing I've seen in awhile. They take their sweet time crossing a busy road, backing up traffic for a fair distance, as if danger is nowhere to be found. And there is usually a whole brood of them. It does no good to honk at them. They are oblivious to the fact you have a place to be. 

So, what have I learned about perseverance? 

1) It calms the soul. 

2) It gives one something to look forward to. 

3) It gives a boost of confidence. 

4) It strengthens the spirit. 

5) It showers one with rewards. 

These 5 things are what grace is rooted in. God knew we would need grace applied to our lives, and He generously gave it to us. We just have to mobilize it. Reach for it. It's free for the asking, but just like anything with clear instructions, we can't find that place where grace has been applied without first realizing its there, then implementing it. Then the realization will come that it continually surrounds us. It's when we walk in the knowledge of grace, that we actually experience it.

Lastly, as we look for the grace we've been given, we must persevere consistently. Once realized, it's as close as the air we breathe. The realization of it being a real thing comes so effortlessly as we walk in it. Always realizing it as the free gift it is from the One who created us and reserved a spot within each of us to utilize this amazing gift in its uniqueness, not found anywhere but within the house provided by a loving Father. The place where His love for us resides. In my opinion, the reason we become miserable in our lives is simply that we don't know this fact, or have simply forgotten its existence. Or denied it.

Broken down, it may look something like this:

Perseverance is doing something despite the difficulty or delay in achieving the success we are looking for. Being single-minded, if you will. Consistency is applying what is needed for the sake of accuracy that best suits the need for what one is persevering for. An example of that would be putting one foot in front of the other if the goal is being healthy. 

In this case, it is being applied to my determined spirit to drop these unwanted extra pounds I've accumulated that are seemingly causing a few health issues. In order for me to be successful I must first apply the strategy (consistency) to the difficulty (perseverance), and become single-minded by focusing on the prize set before me. Bringing my body back into subjection to be all that it was meant to be, while remembering Rome wasn't built in a day, so neither should I expect immediate results from something it took more than 3 years to accumulate. And remembering grace will cover everything I reach for.

Not wasting, not ignoring, not simply taking advantage of this wonderful "house" God has provided for me, here you'll find me...in Mary's World.

My Therapist

"...for such is the kingdom of heaven." ~Matthew 19:14

Our 3 year old granddaughter, Reagan, shows me the kingdom of heaven, on a daily basis. Well, the days I am given with her, at least. And I'm pretty sure her parents have noticed this as well. I'm really not surprised. We raised 2 children of our own, and many were the days I felt God speak to me, using their little voices. I always knew He was telling me He understands and "hey...here's how that works if you want a great outcome."

Toddlers are really perceptive little beings. I think it's because they are still experiencing memories of where they came from (and here is where I may lose a few of you).

"Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you." ~Jeremiah 1:5  Before we were in our mother's womb! True, He was speaking to Jeremiah, one who was predestined to be a prophet to the nations. Yet, I so totally believe that even though we are not all prophets, we all were known before the foundation of the world became reality. So...we came from Him, in a much deeper reality. And at some point we will all return to Him. Some to give an account, others to enter into their rest. Okaaayyyy...getting off on a rabbit trail.

A few days ago, Reagan and I were playing with plastic Easter egg shells. She loves dinosaurs and was trying to force a really small one into one of the eggs, as a "surprise" for Grams. She was focused. She was determined. And here is what I noticed. She encourages herself.

"Come on, Reagan...you can do this!" she said. Wow! 3 Years old. Innocence at its peak. She believes in herself. Please, God...help us not damage that belief!!! On another day, while kicking a ball out in our front yard, the wind kept whipping it to the left of where I was aiming for it to go (toward her) so she might give a return kick. She just stopped everything, came over to me, placed her little hand on my arm and said, "Don't give up, Grams. You can do this." WHAT?! Sooooo much wisdom coming from this little person.

By-the-way. The kingdom of heaven is not a physical place. What?! Romans 14:17 tells us that the kingdom of heaven is not a place where one eats and drinks, but is a spiritual realm over which God reigns as King, or the fulfillment on Earth of God's will. That being, righteousness (right living), peace (calmness the world doesn't understand), and joy (an abiding state of being), while living on this planet. "I am not asking you to take them out of the world, but that you keep them from the evil one". ~John 17:15

As I ponder years gone by, I can see areas where I stopped trusting. Stopped believing in myself as an overcomer, and began to let situations define me. As the years flew past, sometimes raging as they swept by, I stopped listening to the nurturing spirit God placed within me. The "I can do anything," spirit that was a part of who I was. It soon became a fight, or flight, thing for me. And then a, "just put one foot in front of the other," thing. Then a feeling of being much like a cork, just bobbing along, out in the vastness of an engulfing sea. I began to put aside the place of strength and swapped it for whisperings of ineffectiveness. Of unimportance. I really took a wrong turn and followed the path that was overgrown with despair, sadness, alone feelings, and self centeredness. All the while knowing this would not turn out good. It was much like being focused on healthy eating, then deciding to throw it all out the window and begin eating things that would eventually destroy your health. Knowing there was no possible good outcome.

And then Reagan shows up on the scene. What an amazing gift God has given, not just to me, but to all who have the honor of being where she is. I'm listening again. I'm hearing the still, small voice, coming over loud and clear, coming straight from my little therapist. 

"You can do this!" "Don't give up!" 

 


Praying this mighty warrior spirit of Reagan's remains active throughout her life, and here I'll remain...in Mary's World.

The Invisible Line

"Better late, than never," is a well-known proverb. Some arrive late, but that's okay because at least they arrive. Right?

It seems an invisible line has been drawn that one crosses without realizing it, until the moment of truth slaps them in the face. So to speak. Within the last week, I have visited two separate (very separate), establishments. For the record, I was neither late nor early, to each of these places. I was right on time. My time.

Last night, I became fully aware (once again) of that elusive, invisible line, that one crosses as they travel life's roadways. Late, or otherwise. You know the one I speak of. It's that place of tranquility, instead of clamored chaos. It's the "would you please turn that music down a couple hundred notches," place. It's that "Sorry. What did you say?" place. Good grief. I couldn't even think of how to subtract a simple equation because the noise was sooooo LOUD in the place. To make matters worse, the girl at checkout had the voice volume equivalency to that of a mouse, while your "final experience" guy shouted (yes, shouted), your name when the order was ready. I'm pretty sure it was because that would be the only way one would ever come to the counter to pick up their order of the day.

Oh, don't get me wrong. Oblivion is a place I rarely allow myself to visit but have been known to take a trip or two, there. Truth be told, I have been accused of actually living in the fantasy world of explosive reality, obscured only by the untrained mind. Chew on THAT statement for awhile...

The Yang of last nights Yin experience, happened only last week. And, if you know anything about Yin and Yang, you'll totally understand my statement. Just let me say I'm not a bit surprised by the actual definition of Yin and Yang. "Two principles, one negative, dark, and FEMININE (yin...uh-huh), and one positive, bright, and MASCULINE (yang...go figure). Describes me and my husband, to a T!!! Yeah. I know. I'm pretty sure that was Eve's fault.

Anyway, my husband and I had decided to visit a new restaurant in Cary, just last week. It looked promising, as we walked into an atmosphere of visual tranquility. Not saying it was spa-like, but it was spa-like. Almost. From the moment we walked in until our heels lifted off the exit step, our 5 senses enjoyed a quiet dance that those who have crossed the invisible line from chaos to tranquility, understandably want to be. It wasn't boring. Just peaceful. A place in which one could breathe without the heart rate jumping through the roof, or having the need for Advil. A place where your Northern extremity didn't need to be held, but one could actually have a conversation with oneself...if need be.

These two establishments that both offer exciting dishes for the palate are almost total opposites. If I were Lady Justice, I do believe the scale would tip in favor of the spa. Yeah. It's that invisible line, and I don't like headaches. Clearly, they both have their targeted audiences. 

The moral to this story? Never despise the quiet places. Soon enough you'll be visiting them as well. THEN, you will understand that crazy invisible line was there for a reason. We can deny it's there, and try convincing ourselves we are still 30 years younger than what we actually are, as we vehemently proclaim, "BRING IT ON!" But...it's there regardless. Our brain knows it's there, it's just not "in your face" obvious. And one day, you too will step over it and really, really, love it!

One last thing. You will know if you've arrived on time, or if you're shamefully late. But, you WILL arrive. Vertically, or horizontally. (Did I just go morbid there?)

Ahhhh...living the life, here you'll find me. Here, in Mary's World.