What Crumbled Your Cookie?

Something I have noticed over these past 7 (almost 8) decades of living, is that regret is a tough cookie to un-crumble. One can't change the past, from where the actions took place that caused regret to settle into our bones. That's why it's a wound that doesn't seem to ever heal.

We can use the tired, old adage, "I'm not perfect; I'm only human," to excuse our past (or present) behavior, but we all know that is only refusing to accept responsibility for our actions, or lack thereof. It's a conversation that gets old the more we have to address it. If we could just take responsibility for our actions, apologize if necessary and begin to restore trust, then possibly the crumble will stop and regret would become less prominent in our lives.

Whole cookies seem to taste sweeter. Right? They seem to be tastier, more satisfying. Wouldn't you agree? Better than if they have been crumbled. Yet, adversity does have its advantages. It trains us, prepares us, matures us. Even though it's not always a good thing, it can also cause disparity, feelings of loneliness, unworthiness, and self-image issues that accompanies a "less-than" image. To rise above it, we must see the value that is within us. Not only to ourselves, but to those around us. We must learn to walk upon the injustices of a life lived without purpose. There is, most definitely, value in the crumbled cookie. Much like a cracked pot, that light shines through.

For instance: Have you ever enjoyed a scoop of ice cream with crumbled cookies added to it? Have you ever been grateful for the last crumbled pieces, swiped off the counter, when needing something sweet to cut the sting of hot salsa? How about being allowed to have the last crumble of a broken cookie? Metaphorically, there are times we may feel like a crumbled cookie because of being the target of abuse...yet, all we have to remember is that our sweetness extends beyond what it was when we were whole.

The flip of this coin, is that we remain a victim of what we felt to be injustice. Not only does it keep us from what God intended for our lives, but it also causes us to continue the behavior that caused us to be broken in the first place. We can run, but we can't hide. And, at some point, we will have to face truth and break a cycle if need be, of what was. Allow ourselves to be different. To be whole, renewed. To be grateful...

For restoration, we must first take responsibility for what caused the regret in the first place, or place it where it belongs. There is no need to explain why we did, or said, the things that wound. That is only an action to protect ourselves and is seen as us saying it really wasn't our fault. "Because of blah, blah, blah, I did this (or that)." No. Stop making excuses for the why. Take responsibility!

There may be no place of forgiveness for what we have caused, but we must move forward if there is to be any resemblance of a life well lived. To correct our steps...our thoughts that create action, is to say and do every good thing possible; to do and say and express this to those we love. Daily. Break the cycle of bad behavior. Because there isn't always time to whisper good-bye. To allow love to be seen, and felt, is good. It's what keeps us focused...because there isn't always time to whisper good-bye.

Grateful for the grace I have received, and the opportunity to love deeply, here you will find me...in Mary's World.

You Still Have Time...

"You still have time." 

That's what we keep telling ourselves. And maybe we do. But maybe we don't. The truth is...we never really know.

Time isn't generous. It doesn't pause. It doesn't warn. It slips through our fingers quietly, like sand...soft, silent, and unstoppable.

We measure our lives in years, in birthdays, in milestones. But life isn't made of years. It's made of moments.

And the hardest part is...we don't know how many moments we have left.

You might have a hundred more sunsets to watch, or only three. You might hear your mother's voice on the phone a thousand more times, or maybe you've already heard it for the last time...you don't even know.

You might get one more chance to say, "I forgive you." Or none.

You might still have time to hold your child while they're small, while their arms still fit perfectly around your neck, while they still say "I love you" without needing a reason. But those moments pass. Quietly. And once they're gone, they don't come back.

We live like we are invincible. We make plans as if time is endless. We say, "I'll do it later." "I'll call them next week." "I'll chase that dream when things settle down."

But what if they never do?

What if tomorrow never comes? What if the life you're waiting to live is passing you by right now, this very second?

What if this moment---this exact one---is the last chance you have to say what matters most? To hold someone you love without distraction. To cry without shame. To laugh without holding back. To be fully alive?

This isn't meant to make you afraid. It's meant to make you aware.

Because there is nothing more tragic than realizing too late that you were sleepwalking through the days that could have changed everything.

So please...wake up.

Look up from the screen. Call someone you miss. Apologize if you need to. Say the words you've been swallowing. Do the thing that terrifies you but lights a fire in your soul.

Stop waiting for the "right" time. That time is now. Right now. This breath. This heartbeat.

You don't need more time. You just need to stop wasting the time you already have.

Because in the end, it's not the years you'll remember. It's the conversations, the embraces, the risks, the tears, the laughter, the love. The moments.

So live for them. Cherish them. Protect them.

Because life isn't measured by how long you live...it's measured by how deeply you feel, how boldly you love, and how fully you show up while you're still here.

And you're here. So make it count.

Still learning to capture the moments in time, here you will find me...in Mary's World.

Guest Author: Sufia Jamil (found on FaceBook)...too good not to share!!! 

Pictures by: Lindsey Lewis...(daughter and photography creator extraordinaire) 

I Feel Lost Without Her

I woke early this morning. That's not unusual, these days. Upon deciding I should at least try for more rest, I headed back to bed as thoughts began playing tag in my head. Review of the last few days began a panorama of floating thoughts and words spoken that I wish I could retrieve and choose differently. It's been said (more than a few times), not to dwell on the past unless you want today to lose its gift to you. Or something like that...

As tears fill my eyes, I begin to revisit the last time Gramps and I picked our girl up from school, and how that went. It was this past Monday and she wasn't in the best of moods. Something had happened that day while playing with a couple of friends. She wasn't ready to talk about it, so we didn't. Still, I wanted to help her out of the funk it had put her in, and suggested stopping for fries and a sweet tea at McDonalds, on our way home. She turned it down. First sign this was serious.

After a few minutes, I tried engaging once again, hoping to lighten the mood. Mistake number 1. One would think having this amazing creature in our lives for more years than we deserve, one would know when to just sit quietly and let her work through the emotions wrecking her sweet spirit. But...well...anyone who knows me, knows my mouth frequently forgets to listen to the brain that supplies it with wisdom. Mistake number 2.

We pulled into the parking area of where I have a small business that invites one to come in and relax, breathe easy, and enjoy some down time. It had been awhile since she visited the salon and her momma was wanting her to have a treatment on those beautiful curls that swing and bounce as she walks. I think we were both looking forward to it. But, as fate would have it, it was time for a challenge. A bump in the road. A small hill to climb over. A storm cloud hover. Second sign this was serious. And, until that was successfully solved, nothing would/could, make her happy. Except possibly her momma (I still wish for my momma, at times). This just wasn't a day for relaxing. Yet...

We decided, and she agreed, we should just head for the hills of Apex, and re-schedule salon time. I couldn't understand why her favorite person in the world, aka/me, didn't have the power to put a smile on that beautiful little face. Don't believe that last sentence. Her momma is the most favorite person in her world. I just like to daydream and pretend on occasion, and I was doing just that last Monday. Mistake number 3.

On the way home, some things were spoken that should never have been, and now the price is being paid for those misspoken, released words. They were words that might cause her to feel as though I didn't love her. That I just didn't understand. She said I didn't. And I truly didn't. Words that couldn't be erased were offered up in quiet frustration. The biggest mistake of all! And now, my heart is sick. 

I do know that love covers a multitude of sin. I hope, as young as she is, she will remember all the fun times we've had together, as she lays her head upon her pillow at night. All the laughs, the hugs, the solving of the world's problems we've shared. The backyard, fun-filled days, that I will never forget. I hope she remembers that it is she who puts the lift in my steps, the light in my eyes. Not many has the power over me that she does. A few, but not many. Maybe I hold her to too high a standard. 

So here I wait, for the next hug allowed...in Mary's World.

P.S. She made us this cute little owl (her favorite creature, at the moment), for Grandparents Day at her school. Made from her own imagination...