Truth or Consequences

Last Saturday, I had a 7 year old client tell me, "You're not that good." As one can imagine, I stopped what I was doing and looked him square in the eye. It's as if I'd just walked into an unseen wall. "What?! Don't you like the cut I just gave you?" "I've seen better," he replied. He's SEVEN YEARS OLD, and he's "seen better." He now had my full attention. This little guy has always been very engaging and somewhat fun to talk with. I do love little ones. Well....most of them. The respectful ones, to be specific. But truth has always been my ally, my solid place, my grounding. And up to a certain age, kids are always transparent. Truthful. I soothed myself with the fact he hasn't seen ALL my work. So, being the adult I am, I pointed it out to him. Showed him some of my work. He wasn't impressed.

Truth be told, I have been keenly aware (of late), to everything that crosses my path. So this moment in time was no different. I'm on a mission to see my way forward from where I find myself to be. To not be caught off guard when the inevitable happens. To actually walk with wisdom and yes, a bit of pride, as this season of life unfolds. To be clear, a 7 year old is only a small piece of this tapestry me and God are creating. An important piece, however small. Every piece matters. Right?

In the 47+ years I have been working in this industry (minus a couple of sabbaticals), I have never heard these words. Not to my face, at least. Now I am wondering if they have truly been spoken, just without my knowledge. And so I must examine my expertise and see where I want to go with this new found knowledge. Do I just tuck it away in my toolbox of unimportant things? Or do I hang it on my wall so it's the first thing I see every morning? To what purpose will that guide me? "Never stop learning" has always been a motto for my life. Yet, are there unmistakable signs we can ignore?

It was only a few days ago (maybe last week) that I was talking with one of our daughters, saying, "Why can't God just make it evident what He is trying to say to us? Instead of making us 'read' all the signs and try figuring out if this is Him getting our attention about something we have been asking for, or just me reaching too far for something. For anything." I'm not sure He could get any clearer than having a truth led 7 year old, speak the words out loud. Now my dilemma is, what am I going to do with it? Will I say, "But I'm not ready for this." Or, "Okay, I have a couple of choices here."

My attention has been gotten. 

As always, here you'll find me...in Mary's World

The Next Leg of My Journey

Three quarters of a century. 😳

I can remember when I thought 40 years was a long time to have lived, and now I am looking 75 in the face, in just a couple of weeks. Knowing that many don't want to (or won't) acknowledge their years, kind of throws me. I think I know the reasoning behind it, but really??? For real, why???

I take a lot of pleasure in knowing how far I have come, and the fact I am still waking up with strength and breath in my body. There is much of my childhood that I don't remember, and enough of it that I wouldn't want to go back there. Don't get me wrong. I appreciate all the training I had as a child. All the strength I gained from the morals and high standards we were exposed to and required to hold. And because of it, I have never thought of work as something to hate, or dread. Monday's have never resonated any differently than the other days in the week. It was just another day to be thankful for. Another day to believe in what our hands were given to do as a substantial means of providing for ourselves. Work was, and is, a blessing from God to us. We could always lay our heads down on a pillow at night and be grateful for another day of work. Tired, yes. But also satisfied. So, it isn't because of this reality that I would never want to go back. I love that part of my upbringing. I believe in myself because of it. Most of the time, anyway. AND, I know how to survive in a world without it giving me anything I haven't worked for. Nor do I expect our government to pay for any of my decisions that cost money.

There was a turning point in my adult life, that I realized the years were slipping away. It was in my early to mid 40's. I will never forget walking past a mirror, and then stepping back to take another look. "Who in the world is that?" I asked. It was as if I had gone to bed the night before and woke up a completely different person. Physically. It was only a few weeks beyond that day that I put up a picture of my graduation from Miami Beauty College. Yep. That's the pic you are now looking at. That was me in 1974. THAT is who I was. Who I am. Those are the years that resonate with me the most. It took me many a year to come to grips with the changes that were happening. Those were the early years of finally realizing I was becoming who I was suppose to be. Not as a hair designer. Just as a human being, having been knitted together in my mother's womb to become someone that reflected the goodness of God. I have failed (miserably at times) in that, as a young (possibly overworked) mom. But I did have some winning moments, and grace was extended to me as I walked daily in blessings I didn't really deserve, but am so grateful for. And that's another story...

The Voyage of Life is a series of four paintings created by Thomas Cole in 1842, representing an allegory of the four stages of human life. The paintings are of Childhood, Youth, Manhood, and Old Age, depicting a voyager who travels in a boat on a river through the mid-19th-century American wilderness. Copies of these paintings hang on my entry wall. I have loved them ever since I came across them as a young homeschool educating mom. A few years before moving to North Carolina, our oldest daughter purchased them for me and I wasn't about to leave them behind. They speak to me.

So, if I were to point to the picture that best identifies the place I am in my personal journey, today, it would be the last of the four. That's not to say I think my life is over and I am on my last leg. Oh no. It's only just begun, in many ways. Okay. In SOME ways.

And now? Well, I'm not quite sure where I'm heading. I only know it is a different season in my life and where it will take me is still a bit obscure. But I'm ready to find out. Mostly...

When I know, you'll know. Until then, here I'll remain...in Mary's World.

When Our Vision Becomes Blurred

Have you ever been sick? I mean, reallllyyy sick?! Sick enough your thoughts play tag inside your brain trying to convince you you just might not come out of this one?

Well, I was that sick a couple of weeks ago. Five days without food, and with only very small sips of water to make sure I didn't shrivel up and cease to breathe. I mean, I guess it was time. It's been long enough that I can't recall the last time I was actually sick. But this one was the granddaddy of all stomach viruses.

I was kind of excited (once I found out I would indeed live to see another day), to get on the scales and see how much of this excess weight (I'm gonna blame on the pandemic) I have collected around my waist, had dropped off. It felt like maybe 10 pounds. Surely 5!!! I felt so skinny!!! After a refreshing hot shower and hair washed and conditioned, I stepped on my trusty scales, naked as the day I was born. I close my eyes as I step up and balance myself. Is it 5? 10??? Slowly opening one eye at a time, I peer downward, adjust my glasses, preparing just how I would celebrate. ONE FREAKING POUND???!!! HOW is that even POSSIBLE??? Five days with no food (well there was that couple of nibbles on a half piece of dried toast), and yet nothing had changed in the dynamics of body weight. As a side note: Dennis drinks 6 sodas in one week (instead of his usual 7) and drops 15 pounds. Not fair.

Anyway, this story is about blurry vision. It's pretty amazing how our vision is affected when faced with life altering events such as not being able to walk 2 steps without collapsing from having no strength to motor through. Thus, the trash can remains next to our bed. Not even going to elaborate on that one.

As I lay, hour after excruciating hour, afraid to move in any direction, my mind begins the gymnastics. "Aren't you even a little bit concerned about how your chest has hurt for the last week?" "You know that pressure doesn't feel normal." "And now your stomach lining has expelled itself so you probably won't be able to eat ever again." "So...what if you died in your sleep tonight?" "If you actually pull through this, you should seriously consider writing those letters to your girls you've been thinking about doing, cause, well...you know." "That headache could be something too, right?" "You really shouldn't be working anymore, either. Just face the facts, Mary." "If you only had a week left to live, what would you want to be using that time for? Work? I thought not..." "Not sure you're going have to worry about any of that, though." "Do you think your grand daughters will even remember you after a year or so?"

Blurry vision is a beast. 

Reality becomes obscure, at best, and end of life plans begin. Good grief!!! And this is why I always say it would take a genius to figure out why the sparks that flitter around inside my brain are so easily side tracked and colorful.

Also, it's amazing how one is ready to tackle the world again, once vision is corrected. Once the marvelous body we've been using as our home, is whole again, sight is also restored. I think there were moments I knew I would surely pull through this, but for the most part, when my body was idle, my thoughts were not. Quite the opposite...

Those letters have STILL yet to be written, but here I remain...in Mary's World.

A Tiger's Stripes

 

It's been said that a tiger can't change its stripes. You've probably heard that, right? And as true a statement as that may be, what it refers to, in my opinion, CAN be changed.

Many situations we find ourselves to be in, as we grow up and continue to mature, causes a lot of poor choices in many of us. We blame the situations and not our responses to the situations. Simply because all we know how to focus on is our own preservation. We have a multitude of emotions that rise to the surface and we just go with it as we ourselves, plummet, seemingly unable to breathe on our own.

For some, it takes years to find understanding and come to realize that as an innocent, we became caught in the not-so-innocent actions of others. We finally find freedom, but the memories just won't leave us alone. They come as flash-backs and terrors, as fear becomes a constant companion. We receive gifts in the mail, phone messages, & visits to cities near us where we are urged to meet up for another chance at life in the dungeon. Our bodies may be free, but it takes time for our minds to be free. At least it did mine.

Some would say, "Why did God allow all that to happen to you?" Oh, it wasn't His choice for me. There's this thing called free will that God initiated from the beginning of human kind. Yet, while in this very dark abyss, He covered me, protecting when I wasn't even aware. When my mind takes me back there, it is clear He was with me all along, and it is with extreme gratitude He loved me in spite of where my feet had taken me.

Many are the stories I could tell of how the One who rescues us, rescued me, and set my feet on solid ground where I could feel a love like I had never known. Yet, this amazing brain we were created with has the ability to store all of life's memories. The good, the bad, the ugly. Truly. Yet, as we totally surrender our rights to ourselves, a way is made for us where there seems to be no way. When my memory takes me back, I don't relive it, I just stand in awe of it. In awe of all the ways that should have destroyed me, yet God had other plans and said, "No."

Signing out, I want to say that whether we know it or not, God knows how to get our attention. He knows what it will take for us to search for Him. Like getting to the end of hope. And there He waits for us to arrive, so that He may show us how to change our stripes. Even if it's just to make them more colorful.

Always looking for change, here you'll find me...in Mary's World.

My Journey Among the Unseen

I had an interesting conversation at work today. It stirred something inside of me & has prodded me out of my recluse world of "hiding" from certain Biblical views since arriving in NC. Entering a new phase of life, I began to focus on putting pieces of the past behind me. "Moving forward" as they say. That's not always a good idea...

My client reminded me of a younger me. Looking for answers because I had no understanding of God's love. It was as if the eyes of my heart had been closed to any kind of scripture interpretation. For good reason.

On January 12th, of this year, I woke from a dream of a white horse running towards me and into the edge of the ocean. The horse stopped there and focused on me. I was invisible to myself, but was fully aware this horse was sending me a message. I'm just not sure of what that message was. I did know this beauty had my attention.

The next morning, on January 13th, after rising & washing my face, I went into my study (as is my custom), sat down and immediately heard the words, "Hear me" as if they had been very clearly whispered in my ear.

Since that day I have been making my way back to studying the Word and it has led me to some interesting thoughts.

Would you agree that Bible facts are just pieces...bits of scattered data, just begging us to put them in order? In some instances, it's much like a puzzle, waiting to be pieced together. Yet, anyone not serious about its contents, will give up because they tire of the puzzle and the time it takes to understand just a fraction of one entry.

May I submit to you that we gain perspective that is both broader and deeper if we allow ourselves to see the pieces in their own wider context instead of seeing them through a filter of presumption or tradition. We need to see the mosaic created by its pieces. It is when we begin to view the completed mosaic that we find the meaning of all the scattered pieces. The pieces that make up the whole.

Now, try to understand Psalm 82 without filters. Psalm 82 has at its core the unseen realm and its interaction with the human world. This intersection of our domain and the unseen world includes the triune God, along with a much more numerous cast.

Anyone spending serious time in Scripture, know of many odd passages, curious phrases, troubling paradoxes, connections within and between the testaments that can't be coincidental. And so, I begin my journey, once again, of peering into the unseen realm. It's a journey I never should have set aside.

And now you see pieces of me just a little more than before.

Recovery in progress, here...in Mary's World

The Importance of Story Time

Every chance I get, I will encourage a person to tell me about their growing up years and how they got to where they are now. I love ALL the in-between stuff!!! The good, the bad, the ugly. I just love being a part of others lives, and story telling creates a bond we might not have otherwise shared. But the most interesting stories come from those that have lived well beyond my years. It is the one time I can sit for hours with no regret.

Why do the older generation love telling stories about their past? I can only speak for myself, but will bet most feel the same as I. It's the ability to recall and reflect that helps me remember who I used to be, and in turn, helps me identify who I am in the current moment. The (hopefully) improved upon me. It's like the groundwork of beautiful things to come that have been through the storms of life and still survived. No, thrived!

I keep a picture of myself that was taken upon graduating from Miami Beauty College. The year was 1974. By that time, I had already experienced enough pain for a lifetime. Or at least I had thought so. There was just something about the time spent learning a trade that would sustain me, that makes me want to hold onto that picture. It was a happy time in my life. One without having to fear unwarranted death at the hands of a very dysfunctional jealous man. So, I keep the picture to remind me of who I truly am. Many times, as I walked by the picture, I would verbally say, "Oh hi! There you are!" It also helped as the years flew by, and my appearance changed, to remember how I looked when my life actually re-started. The year I loved who I had become. The year I released all of who I was to the One who loves me most. The year I released my rights to myself and asked God to stay close and direct my life while here on planet Earth. The most freedom I had experienced up to that time.

But the stories!!! The stories of my past provide a source of affirmation, hope, and belief that my legacy (in spite of the challenges) has a better chance of preservation. I like to weed out the not-so-good past when telling stories to our off-spring, and jump right on into the years beyond 1974. However, they HAVE heard some things I probably shouldn't have shared. Still, the stories told have only skimmed the top of what I have experienced in these years lived. Look at that '80's HAIR, will ya! 😁➡️

Now if you can connect me with someone from the Baby Boomer Era, no holds barred! 😂 Rarely is anything left out as we discuss line upon line of years past. Unless the memories are just too painful to recall. Some are, rightly so, personal. We'll then save it for another day. Maybe. Depends...

Back to 2022...I was awake last evening when Dennis called it a night and came to bed. I tried sleeping, but sleep wouldn't favor me with its presence. So I got up (10:30 P.M.) and decided to have a late night snack. Never a good idea. But it was tasty. I was in my study, reading through many of my blog posts since 2010. Why I chose to do that, I really have no idea. It just popped into my head and I thought it might be a good idea. It might make me sleepy. Nope! Hey, there's some really good stuff in there, and I actually enjoyed reminiscing the moments I had sat at my computer and typed them out. I would start to read one and would always say, "Oh, I remember this one!" I finally gave up when my eyes began to burn, but still, I was not sleepy. It was 2:35 A.M., and I was invested. But I really needed to get some shut eye.

If any of you who might be reading this, and have gotten this far, you are very familiar with my ramblings. I start at one point and move into various others as they spark their way across the neurons in my brain. Until no one really knows the point I was trying to make in the first place. Roping me in is like trying to give a cat a bath. Hard to do and can be a bit dangerous. See? Don't really know where that statement was intended to go.  

STORY TIME!!! Oh yeah! The blog posts were reminding me of my story! And I'm pretty sure this one was birthed out of sleep deprivation. 

FROM there to here...

⬅️     to     ➡️

AND SO MUCH IN-BETWEEN 

for another time

P.S.

Until next time, here you'll find me...in Mary's World

The Winds of Change

Have you ever felt as if the winds of change have begun to blow? Change is inevitable. Yes? But, has there ever been a time when all your senses have been alerted to the inevitable? This is me. Now.

So much has changed in the last couple of years. Covid19 brought with it an undeniable NEED for change. We all (well, most of us), listened and followed protocol. But, that is not what I am talking about.

There are "seasons of life" that we all must walk through. Some train us. Some educate us. Some prepare us for challenges to come. Not many of us can see the future, or foretell it. But some of us CAN predict it, if our spiritual eyes and ears are open to understanding, and our common sense is well attended. We can "see where this is going" kinda thing. 

What we can't predict is how we will get there. We can plan for it. We can prepare for it. We just can't see how it will all play out. But at least we won't be surprised when it arrives. There may be a few surprises along the way, but hey! Last season prepared us for it! Right?

I'm pretty sure I have lost many of you, if not all. "Is she talking about herself, or just in general?" Or, "I think the winds have blown her off her rocker." 😉I, too, wonder that myself, on occasion. 😂

I used to worry some, about the fact that I was quickly coming upon the marker that my female siblings arrived at, and then left the planet. I have now officially passed the years any of them were able to live beyond. The winds that I love, when they visit me, have left me standing here. For the time, at least. And I know I am going to get some push-back from my girls for even talking about this. But it is a reality of life. We are born, we live, we die. This is not meant to be morbid, but real. And the sooner we face that fact, the sooner we can live our best lives while stationed here. I've finally accepted the fact that I am on God's timetable, and I'll go home when He says it's time. And no sooner...

When we face the fact that life is short, will it make a difference? Will we continue to live our lives focused on ourselves instead of those we love? Will we make different decisions, based not on how it makes us feel, but rather on how it makes them feel? Will we see each new day as an opportunity, or just another day to deal with difficulties? Will we begin to understand that humanity is broken, and possibly defeated, and begin to see with eyes of compassion instead of hatred?  

The Bible says there are 7 things that God hates, found in Proverbs 6:16-19

• Eyes that are haughty (arrogantly superior)
• A tongue that lies 
• Hands that shed the blood of innocent people
• Hearts which plot evil
• Feet that run to do evil things
• People who lie as witnesses
• One who causes strife in his or her family (ouch!)

Now that we know all this, will it better prepare us for seasonal changes? The winds that blow through the years we've been granted, will they whisper "change" to us?

Listening to the winds of change, here you'll find me...in Mary's World