The Battlefield of the Mind

"Not all storms come to disrupt your life. Some come to clear your path." Change is always hard if it feels like waves are slapping up against your face as you try to suck in a breath of air as the change happens.

I don't know what's ahead, what's staring me down. I don't even know if I will like it, but I'm not too messed up about it. A bit messed up, but not enough to keep me down. Not enough for me to give up on life. And certainly not enough to cause me to hide away and lick my wounds.

If you know me at all, you know I do love a good storm. This one is questionable, however. Some days the cloud formation looks ominous. Other days, they feel perfect for calming my anxiousness. The truth of this storm is unknown at the moment. Is it here to disrupt my life? Or is it here to clear my path? Is it a transitional storm, or will it be a long, drawn out, never seeming to end storm? "Oh the things you can think up, if only you try." ~Dr. Seuss 

How much of life will change? Will some of it stay the same? Or will it do a 180, so-to-speak, and when my eyes open, will my brain recognize what the eyes see? 

I've always had a very imaginative mind. One that can create scenarios that Stephen Spielberg would love to tap into. So, this may be that, and not a storm at all. Just a gust of wind that makes me want to tighten my skin a bit, to cover my head, to weep with sadness as it blows through. It will blow through. But what will the landscape look like once it does? Just how much will life demand now that it has taken a piece of my heart?

Something I have always lived by, and will pull to remembrance, from time to time, is that "This too shall pass." Some think this to be a Scripture reference, straight from the Bible. It is not. But this is: "And the God of all Grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast."  ~I Peter 5:10

So...waiting for this tear to repair, here you will find me, searching for the positive...in Mary's World.

P.S.

Fear not. Do not worry about me. I am good. More than good. I am so very grateful for the life I have been given and always begin my days with gratitude that is felt deep inside my bones. My emotions are a bit whacked at the moment, but I assure you, I am well. This is but a bump in the road, and if I focus on the stretch ahead instead of at the dust gathering around my feet, this "storm" will blow on out of here. Ah...the battlefield of the mind....

A Tiger's Stripes

 

It's been said that a tiger can't change its stripes. You've probably heard that, right? And as true a statement as that may be, what it refers to, in my opinion, CAN be changed.

Many situations we find ourselves to be in, as we grow up and continue to mature, causes a lot of poor choices in many of us. We blame the situations and not our responses to the situations. Simply because all we know how to focus on is our own preservation. We have a multitude of emotions that rise to the surface and we just go with it as we ourselves, plummet, seemingly unable to breathe on our own.

For some, it takes years to find understanding and come to realize that as an innocent, we became caught in the not-so-innocent actions of others. We finally find freedom, but the memories just won't leave us alone. They come as flash-backs and terrors, as fear becomes a constant companion. We receive gifts in the mail, phone messages, & visits to cities near us where we are urged to meet up for another chance at life in the dungeon. Our bodies may be free, but it takes time for our minds to be free. At least it did mine.

Some would say, "Why did God allow all that to happen to you?" Oh, it wasn't His choice for me. There's this thing called free will that God initiated from the beginning of human kind. Yet, while in this very dark abyss, He covered me, protecting when I wasn't even aware. When my mind takes me back there, it is clear He was with me all along, and it is with extreme gratitude He loved me in spite of where my feet had taken me.

Many are the stories I could tell of how the One who rescues us, rescued me, and set my feet on solid ground where I could feel a love like I had never known. Yet, this amazing brain we were created with has the ability to store all of life's memories. The good, the bad, the ugly. Truly. Yet, as we totally surrender our rights to ourselves, a way is made for us where there seems to be no way. When my memory takes me back, I don't relive it, I just stand in awe of it. In awe of all the ways that should have destroyed me, yet God had other plans and said, "No."

Signing out, I want to say that whether we know it or not, God knows how to get our attention. He knows what it will take for us to search for Him. Like getting to the end of hope. And there He waits for us to arrive, so that He may show us how to change our stripes. Even if it's just to make them more colorful.

Always looking for change, here you'll find me...in Mary's World.