Remembering Krista

Today would have been Krista's 45th birthday of walking out the journey she was given, here on planet Earth. 

As many have said, "She was taken way too soon." We didn't expect this and it caught us all by total surprise. "How are we even talking about this?!!!" was our Lindsey's question when the call was made to let her and sister Meg know the struggle Krista was having. Laying in a hospital bed, only 3 short years ago, Dennis' niece had been diagnosed with Covid 19 complications. She didn't make it home...

But, I don't want to focus on how she left us, but on the memories she gave us while here. Krista, for the most part, seemed joyful. Laughter came easily to her. She loved being wherever you needed her to be. It seemed to make her the happiest when she was giving her time to anyone who could benefit from it.

I just sat down with Dennis a moment ago to ask what he remembered most about Krista. "She always made sure to come see me when I made trips back home to see everyone, and she always asked about the girls,"  he said. Our Lindsey & Meg & Krista had been childhood friends & cousins. Then, as life would have it, they all lived half-way across the country from each other, had married and had children of their own. It's easy to lose track of each other when the family grows and distance becomes an issue. But they never stopped loving each other. "Krista always asked how they were doing when I visited and said to let them know how much she loved them and that she continued to pray for them. I'll never forget her big smile," he continued. Me neither, dear husband. I will never forget that big smile of hers! 

This is a picture of a Momma and Daughter Duo that was frequently seen whenever one, or the other, went anywhere. Dena loved like most mothers do, but their connection was like a cord of 3 strands, difficult to unravel. (Ecclesiastes 4:12) Not that anyone would try. Their lives were solidly intertwined. But unlike those without hope, these two know they will once again be reunited at some point. It makes life doable for those left behind. I don't pretend to know the depth of heartache one experiences when a daughter (or son) no longer walks this earth. When their voice is only a memory inside us, or when we can only remember, (can we actually feel?) how they embraced us. With those that once grew inside us, it may be different than other family members. I don't know. 

Please understand I don't mean to leave daddy's out of this wrenching event that happens so often. It's just that I'm a mom, so can only speak (somewhat) to this as only a mother could. I saw the effects, the toll, it took on Krista's dad, after she went to her forever home. Probably not nearly as much as it truly did, and still does, to this day.

Even though Krista has no more birthday's here, she now has no bonds. Her spirit can be wherever she wants it to be in only a moment. Talk about a celebration!!! So we who are left here, we celebrate God allowing her into this family, for a time, to share in the light she brought with her. As we celebrate Krista's time here, we should also remember what she brought to our lives, thus allowing her light to join with our own. 

My heart is grieving today. For D.W.'s sister (my sis-in-law), even though I know she has not truly lost her daughter. She is simply a bit too far away for a one-on-one visit. For now...

Until We Meet Again, El-Yor

"The thought came up to bury him in his beloved Santa suit. Which sounded like a great idea until we thought about the reaction from the kids at the visitation." ~Larry Reece (family friend)

For the record, I would have agreed with this...had it not been for the kids reaction. 🤣🤣🤣 Probably not many (if any) little kids go to visit the deceased, but still, that would be one for the history books. 😂

And may I just say this picture has GOT TO BE the best Santa pic every taken?!!! LeRoy had a way with the kids...🤣🤣🤣❤️❤️❤️

Ah...LeRoy and his sense of humor. He loved calling me "Murry", and to this day, I have no idea why. I took it as an endearment and not an inside joke, which was much more likely. If anyone reading this knows why, I'm open to listening.

Where does one begin when trying to gift the world with just a taste of what it meant to be LeRoy Anderson's friend, and not end up writing a book? I'm pretty sure memories will be following me all day, today, since he and his family are on my mind. But for this post, I'll share only a drop of water from the fountain of his life.

If laughter truly is the best medicine, when in LeRoy's presence, one could expect to experience a particular euphoric dopamine that brought so much joy. And laughter. So much laughter. When I read the FB entry from Larry Reece just recently, I doubled over in laughter as my thoughts went to our friend and his antics. He MUST have whispered that in Larry's ear. I couldn't find a stopping point, as I heard LeRoy saying, "See, Murry. I'll always be a part of your life." Just like in the days of traveling this life with him, LeRoy's spirit lives on. I suspect it will continue to invade the lives of all those he and Jani touched in their short time of visiting this planet.

Although he was known for his mischievous ways, he did have his serious moments. But even those could turn into hysterical laughter, when least expected. He and his wife, Jani, gave us enough laughter to last a lifetime. How I would love to sit with them again. Or take a road trip with them again, or share a meal with them, again, or canvas the neighborhood for garage sales, again. On a side note: Jani banned me from driving when looking for those yard sales. Something about me driving too fast. She didn't have time to use her laser eye-sight to see every possible treasure there might be in any given yard. It all looked like junk piles to me. But, Jani, she could spot expensive clothing from what seemed a mile away, and loved telling me what I had missed out on when I gave up the garage sale adventures. "Ooooo, JANI! I LOVE your dress!" "$.25 at yesterday's garage sale." And she always knew the best neighborhoods to find the most value. See what I mean?! Her family looked as if they'd stepped out of a magazine. She was quite the lady! But this post is about LeRoy. Or is it? I can't talk about one, without the other creeping in. They were, together, the best role models our community could ever have hoped for. As a bonus, they always had a heart for God and doing "the right thing". Those "bear hugs" of his weren't bad, either.

LeRoy (El-Yor, to me. Don't ask...), had this enchanting twinkle, in his eyes that just never seemed to go away. Something that was passed down to those crazy boys of his. You knew he was, or they were, up to something. Always up to something. You couldn't ask for better men, but you should always be prepared for the unexpected. The only time I remember not seeing mischievousness dance in LeRoy's eyes, was either when he was sharing the Word of God, or his soul had been pierced. If there had been injustice, you knew to tread softly in his presence. You've heard the saying that still waters run deep, right? This guy was one, that when quiet, you knew those waters were about to erupt. Respectfully, of course. Just don't look too long into those soulful eyes of his when trouble was rumbling. Somewhere along the way, he mellowed out. I think it was right around the time he lost his Jani when her time on this earth was done. Jani had always kept him in line, and when she was gone, a part of him left as well. Oh, he was still the wonderful man he was created to be, he just seemed a little deflated. And, that was understandable.

One last tiny glimpse...LeRoy had a Handy Man business after "retiring", that he was equally passionate about. Always fair. Always precise. His work had high standards that were always met with gifted hands and a determined spirit that seemed blessed by the giver of gifts. When I purchased the lot and building on North Main Street, in Miami, OK., I hired only the best to gut the entire building and set me up for success with a newly designed atmosphere that begged for quality services. It was so much fun, so much excitement, as I (and so many others) watched the transformation come to life from the design drawn on a sheet of paper that LeRoy followed to the max. There was only one recommendation he gave me about enlarging the Skin Care Room, that would make it even more beautiful than my own plan provided. I don't remember ever having to ask him to re-do anything. And that's something...

Here's to you, friend. See you in a bit...

As always, here you will find me...in Mary's World

A Tiger's Stripes

 

It's been said that a tiger can't change its stripes. You've probably heard that, right? And as true a statement as that may be, what it refers to, in my opinion, CAN be changed.

Many situations we find ourselves to be in, as we grow up and continue to mature, causes a lot of poor choices in many of us. We blame the situations and not our responses to the situations. Simply because all we know how to focus on is our own preservation. We have a multitude of emotions that rise to the surface and we just go with it as we ourselves, plummet, seemingly unable to breathe on our own.

For some, it takes years to find understanding and come to realize that as an innocent, we became caught in the not-so-innocent actions of others. We finally find freedom, but the memories just won't leave us alone. They come as flash-backs and terrors, as fear becomes a constant companion. We receive gifts in the mail, phone messages, & visits to cities near us where we are urged to meet up for another chance at life in the dungeon. Our bodies may be free, but it takes time for our minds to be free. At least it did mine.

Some would say, "Why did God allow all that to happen to you?" Oh, it wasn't His choice for me. There's this thing called free will that God initiated from the beginning of human kind. Yet, while in this very dark abyss, He covered me, protecting when I wasn't even aware. When my mind takes me back there, it is clear He was with me all along, and it is with extreme gratitude He loved me in spite of where my feet had taken me.

Many are the stories I could tell of how the One who rescues us, rescued me, and set my feet on solid ground where I could feel a love like I had never known. Yet, this amazing brain we were created with has the ability to store all of life's memories. The good, the bad, the ugly. Truly. Yet, as we totally surrender our rights to ourselves, a way is made for us where there seems to be no way. When my memory takes me back, I don't relive it, I just stand in awe of it. In awe of all the ways that should have destroyed me, yet God had other plans and said, "No."

Signing out, I want to say that whether we know it or not, God knows how to get our attention. He knows what it will take for us to search for Him. Like getting to the end of hope. And there He waits for us to arrive, so that He may show us how to change our stripes. Even if it's just to make them more colorful.

Always looking for change, here you'll find me...in Mary's World.

Crazy Dreams...Or Are They?

The morning was about to present itself to me as I lay sleeping. The suddenness with which I awoke, told me I had just encountered a terrifying event. I had gone to a very large building, a high-rise, where my sister, Becky, was an employee. She was one of the administrators and was held in high esteem. She was dressed the part, as well. One would know right from the start that she was the one in charge.

We were up high...not sure which floor, but I'm guessing, from the looks of it, we were at least several stories up. The landing we were on, was open space with no railing to keep anyone from plummeting to their certain death. Becky walked quietly over to the edge, as if she were in deep thought about something. I didn't like her so close to the edge of the landing, so I went over to ask her to move back a bit. As soon as I got there, I spoke her name, and was about to touch her arm, when she whirled around, as if startled. As she turned, one of her feet slipped off the ledge and she fell....

I heard myself screaming for help. "Call 911!" I screamed, my heart racing, as I ran down the spiral staircase to where she had landed. It seemed forever before I could reach her. As I ran, I saw a man come up to where she was thrashing on the floor. She was saying, "Someone help me. Please help me." One of her legs was bent back, and her whole body was convulsing. The young man gathered her in his arms and tossed her body up into the air, causing it to rotate full circle, before falling into his arms. The convulsing stopped. All was well. No more pain. No more fear.

That was the end of the dream. I have lived 73 years, and from the age of 25 years, I have had spiritual dreams. I learned how to recognize those dreams, and the "mean nothing" dreams. The spiritual dreams are ALWAYS short. And I never forget them. They stick with me. The mean nothing dreams are usually very long and jump from place to place. This was a spiritual dream. But, what does it mean? 

My sister was a prisoner inside her own body. PSP had taken its grip on her. The commands came from her mind to her body, but the body refused to respond to those commands. She was rendered lifeless, yet alive. 

Why I needed the dream to assure me she was well, I don't know. Somethings, we will never understand, until we, too, go back home. The place from whence we came, the Father's home. For this dream, I believe I was shown the beauty of belonging to Him. All it takes to escape our own prison, is a simple reliance upon Him. He will make all things beautiful in His time, and it was His time for her complete healing as she entered the rest she so desperately needed from the difficulties of this earthly life. And now? She is more alive than she ever could be, here.

Continuing my journey here, this is where you'll find me...here, in Mary's World.

Dead or Alive

 I can feel myself giving up. I don't like this feeling…it's never been a part of me.

Those around me try to encourage me. They sometimes speak harshly to me, as they tell me of the disappointment they feel upon hearing my words express failure. They're not accustomed to that. They want to push me forward, no matter how it's done. And they quietly take on my heaviness…

Sounds pretty dim, doesn't it? In reality, I will never give up on life, but I might give up on trying to resuscitate that which is seemingly dead. Most people go through stages of wanting to quit, because what they have put their hand(s) to, just hasn't produced what they expected. It's not that enough time wasn't given to produce…

Last night was the kicker. I poured over my books looking for reasons not to bury the dead horse, instead of pushing her to live. She still breathes, albeit shallow, but none-the-less...breathing. There is a small amount of life, but it's as if she weighs 2 ton and cannot move beyond the borders of her small, little box. Is it because I'm so used to prosperity? Used to having work in front of me, once I arrive? So used to familiar faces and activity? Accustomed to the sound and feel of life?

I must face the ultimate questions. Is it truly a different season, a different calling, a different purpose or need for my life? How long is long enough? 1 year, 2 years, 3 years? How long should I hold onto
this thing I have called opportunity? How tightly should I hold on? Did I somehow miss the mark? How do I stir up excitement in what I do…again, when all my efforts never seem to be enough?

I've never believed in retirement. I always have, and still do, believe there is something we can put our hands to as long as we have breath. Something that produces fruit from our labors. Yet, too much of a good thing (without challenges), will bring the stench of death. You know it's true. We all have walked this path, or will, at some point in our lives. It's there for a reason. There's only one other time I've walked this way. It was during times of hiding. Hiding from life. Hiding from fear of being seen. Hiding for fear of my life. And the quietness that surrounded those times, was deafening. Still is…so what am I afraid of, NOW?

During the times of hiding, voices come into your mind…loud and clear. Fear of those voices mocking you, making fun of you, chiding you, showing disappointment in you...all so very overwhelming! You tend to notice body language, when there are no words coming from the recipient of your questions. Smirks, the infamous eye-roll, the shaking of the head (however minimal it might be). You notice the increased volume in people's voices, as they respond to you…when they respond to you. Who are we dealing with here? Is it others? Or ourselves?

King David, from Old Testament readings, once said, "I have been young, and now I am old; yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken, or his descendants begging bread." ~Psalm 37:25 Can that be true? Was that meant to be a universal statement? There is no way of knowing, for sure, the completeness of what David was saying. Or can we? All we can rightly suppose, is that because of the trust we have in God, we push ourselves to be productive people. And with that push, we depend on God for results. If the results are not there, we may need to consider if we are choosing rightly. Right? Or maybe we've chosen our path without inviting God to direct our steps...because we're quite capable of managing our own lives, thank you.

Change is ever present. And even though "there is nothing new under the sun" (Ecclesiastes 1:9-10), change in individual lives constantly happens. Nothing stays the same..in our body, in our conscience state of mind, in our observations, in our livelihood, in our spiritual debates, etc., etc. It's all happened before we came along. It's not a new thing. It shouldn't surprise us when those who have lived a long life, understand our dilemmas. Never tell an old person they can't possibly understand because this is a new era. Geez…how long does it take us to understand there is wisdom that comes from living life, that when applied to life, actually makes a difference in the outcome of life?

Sometimes it seems as though I am doing the same thing, over and over and over, while all along expecting different results. We all know what that means, right? Albert Einstein claimed it to be insanity. We must change with change. We must not try to hold onto what God is prying out of our hands…so-to-speak. Can we continue to express what has been our passion for so many years but possibly in a different scenario? Can passion change for lack of activity? Can it die? When life goes out of our passion, how, or can, it live again?

I think this vein has been tapped. It's collapsed, and gives no life. Now, what do I do? It is a grievous task to be afflicted with. It all seems to be in vain…like striving after the wind."

_________________________________________________________________________________

What you just read was a post from July 18, 2014, saved to a draft. I was feeling lost after almost 2

years of what seemed like butting my head against the proverbial wall as I tried to establish a new business in a new state. The post never got published. As I searched through the archives, looking for a particular article and never finding it, I ran across this one titled, "Dead or Alive". It peaked my interest.


Today is February 29, 2016. Maybe, since it's been a year and 7 months ago that my world looked so glum, I should tap into what seemed a mind set on that particular day and see if there may have been answers along the way. I will share the most recent...

Yesterday, Sunday morning, Feb. 28, 2016...I was eating breakfast when a thought entered my mind. Dennis had gone to serve at the church, so I was alone with my thoughts. I like those moments. *wink*

Thought #1: "Sometimes you need to chase the wind. You just may find yourself mounting up with wings as those of an eagle." Scripture reference from Isaiah 40:31 says, "...but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Ahhh...sweet confirmation (notice the very last sentence of the 2014 post). Interesting. Yes?

It has long been said that those who "chase the wind" are living in a fantasy world. That they are trying to cause something to happen that has "impossible" written all over it. If there has been anything I've learned during the years of my existence, it is that the impossible is the place you find God the most. That's His territory. That's where He can show himself faithful. That is the place where you finally realize your abilities are not the end all. Where we fail, God does not. It all has purpose and if we look close enough, we'll see God's hand at work in our lives. Not just our businesses. They are both the same, really. We cannot, or at least, should not, be a different person at work than at home. We are to be who we were created to be, wherever we find ourselves to be.

Thought #2: So, what does this look like, for me and the business we began in 2012? How do I "chase the wind?"
     1. I must extend myself in the difficult areas of what I do.
     2. I must continue to educate myself in industry changes, as I listen for God's guidance.
     3. I must run towards the impossible...prove God's faithfulness.
     4. I must increase my energy levels by eating healthy at ALL times. We are to honor our physical bodies that were designed by God, maintained by us.
     5. I must think bigger than myself and the space I take up. Give more than I get.
     6. I must push through barriers. Resistance creates strength.
     7. I must not allow discouragement to consume my thoughts.

I was so pumped after this "revelation." I can do this! Take care of grand-baby during the week-days, work at the salon, nights and weekends. Then I went to church. And what does the pastor minister on?  Patience. I was all over that, with ears perked up, confirming my decision to push through difficult work hours...until the last word he spoke for the day. He said, "The first service didn't get this story..." And then he told about a particular tribe that enjoyed eating certain types of monkeys. They always had a hard time catching them, so they set a trap filled with food so that when the monkey reached for the food, it's hand could not be removed, because it was unwilling to let go of the food. He used the illustration to tell us to let go of what we were holding onto so tightly. Then we could live. WHAT?!!!

Back to the drawing board, because that story was just for me, right? Patience in letting go of what I've always thought to be good for me. Death would give way to life, if I'd just let go.

And this, my friends, is how my mind treats me ALL. THE. TIME. I make what I feel to be an excellent decision. A God led decision. And then, bam! The for-sure decision gets knocked out of the ballpark, just so I can go searching again for that darn ball. Maybe that's my problem! I keep searching for the ball that was thrown out. Oh my goodness......

There may be changes in the seasons of my life, the chapters of my life book, where I continue to try and create what used to produce life in another reality (instead of letting go), but I'll never give up on the One who directs my steps, all found here...in Mary's World. Stay tuned...