Dead or Alive

 I can feel myself giving up. I don't like this feeling…it's never been a part of me.

Those around me try to encourage me. They sometimes speak harshly to me, as they tell me of the disappointment they feel upon hearing my words express failure. They're not accustomed to that. They want to push me forward, no matter how it's done. And they quietly take on my heaviness…

Sounds pretty dim, doesn't it? In reality, I will never give up on life, but I might give up on trying to resuscitate that which is seemingly dead. Most people go through stages of wanting to quit, because what they have put their hand(s) to, just hasn't produced what they expected. It's not that enough time wasn't given to produce…

Last night was the kicker. I poured over my books looking for reasons not to bury the dead horse, instead of pushing her to live. She still breathes, albeit shallow, but none-the-less...breathing. There is a small amount of life, but it's as if she weighs 2 ton and cannot move beyond the borders of her small, little box. Is it because I'm so used to prosperity? Used to having work in front of me, once I arrive? So used to familiar faces and activity? Accustomed to the sound and feel of life?

I must face the ultimate questions. Is it truly a different season, a different calling, a different purpose or need for my life? How long is long enough? 1 year, 2 years, 3 years? How long should I hold onto
this thing I have called opportunity? How tightly should I hold on? Did I somehow miss the mark? How do I stir up excitement in what I do…again, when all my efforts never seem to be enough?

I've never believed in retirement. I always have, and still do, believe there is something we can put our hands to as long as we have breath. Something that produces fruit from our labors. Yet, too much of a good thing (without challenges), will bring the stench of death. You know it's true. We all have walked this path, or will, at some point in our lives. It's there for a reason. There's only one other time I've walked this way. It was during times of hiding. Hiding from life. Hiding from fear of being seen. Hiding for fear of my life. And the quietness that surrounded those times, was deafening. Still is…so what am I afraid of, NOW?

During the times of hiding, voices come into your mind…loud and clear. Fear of those voices mocking you, making fun of you, chiding you, showing disappointment in you...all so very overwhelming! You tend to notice body language, when there are no words coming from the recipient of your questions. Smirks, the infamous eye-roll, the shaking of the head (however minimal it might be). You notice the increased volume in people's voices, as they respond to you…when they respond to you. Who are we dealing with here? Is it others? Or ourselves?

King David, from Old Testament readings, once said, "I have been young, and now I am old; yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken, or his descendants begging bread." ~Psalm 37:25 Can that be true? Was that meant to be a universal statement? There is no way of knowing, for sure, the completeness of what David was saying. Or can we? All we can rightly suppose, is that because of the trust we have in God, we push ourselves to be productive people. And with that push, we depend on God for results. If the results are not there, we may need to consider if we are choosing rightly. Right? Or maybe we've chosen our path without inviting God to direct our steps...because we're quite capable of managing our own lives, thank you.

Change is ever present. And even though "there is nothing new under the sun" (Ecclesiastes 1:9-10), change in individual lives constantly happens. Nothing stays the same..in our body, in our conscience state of mind, in our observations, in our livelihood, in our spiritual debates, etc., etc. It's all happened before we came along. It's not a new thing. It shouldn't surprise us when those who have lived a long life, understand our dilemmas. Never tell an old person they can't possibly understand because this is a new era. Geez…how long does it take us to understand there is wisdom that comes from living life, that when applied to life, actually makes a difference in the outcome of life?

Sometimes it seems as though I am doing the same thing, over and over and over, while all along expecting different results. We all know what that means, right? Albert Einstein claimed it to be insanity. We must change with change. We must not try to hold onto what God is prying out of our hands…so-to-speak. Can we continue to express what has been our passion for so many years but possibly in a different scenario? Can passion change for lack of activity? Can it die? When life goes out of our passion, how, or can, it live again?

I think this vein has been tapped. It's collapsed, and gives no life. Now, what do I do? It is a grievous task to be afflicted with. It all seems to be in vain…like striving after the wind."

_________________________________________________________________________________

What you just read was a post from July 18, 2014, saved to a draft. I was feeling lost after almost 2

years of what seemed like butting my head against the proverbial wall as I tried to establish a new business in a new state. The post never got published. As I searched through the archives, looking for a particular article and never finding it, I ran across this one titled, "Dead or Alive". It peaked my interest.


Today is February 29, 2016. Maybe, since it's been a year and 7 months ago that my world looked so glum, I should tap into what seemed a mind set on that particular day and see if there may have been answers along the way. I will share the most recent...

Yesterday, Sunday morning, Feb. 28, 2016...I was eating breakfast when a thought entered my mind. Dennis had gone to serve at the church, so I was alone with my thoughts. I like those moments. *wink*

Thought #1: "Sometimes you need to chase the wind. You just may find yourself mounting up with wings as those of an eagle." Scripture reference from Isaiah 40:31 says, "...but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Ahhh...sweet confirmation (notice the very last sentence of the 2014 post). Interesting. Yes?

It has long been said that those who "chase the wind" are living in a fantasy world. That they are trying to cause something to happen that has "impossible" written all over it. If there has been anything I've learned during the years of my existence, it is that the impossible is the place you find God the most. That's His territory. That's where He can show himself faithful. That is the place where you finally realize your abilities are not the end all. Where we fail, God does not. It all has purpose and if we look close enough, we'll see God's hand at work in our lives. Not just our businesses. They are both the same, really. We cannot, or at least, should not, be a different person at work than at home. We are to be who we were created to be, wherever we find ourselves to be.

Thought #2: So, what does this look like, for me and the business we began in 2012? How do I "chase the wind?"
     1. I must extend myself in the difficult areas of what I do.
     2. I must continue to educate myself in industry changes, as I listen for God's guidance.
     3. I must run towards the impossible...prove God's faithfulness.
     4. I must increase my energy levels by eating healthy at ALL times. We are to honor our physical bodies that were designed by God, maintained by us.
     5. I must think bigger than myself and the space I take up. Give more than I get.
     6. I must push through barriers. Resistance creates strength.
     7. I must not allow discouragement to consume my thoughts.

I was so pumped after this "revelation." I can do this! Take care of grand-baby during the week-days, work at the salon, nights and weekends. Then I went to church. And what does the pastor minister on?  Patience. I was all over that, with ears perked up, confirming my decision to push through difficult work hours...until the last word he spoke for the day. He said, "The first service didn't get this story..." And then he told about a particular tribe that enjoyed eating certain types of monkeys. They always had a hard time catching them, so they set a trap filled with food so that when the monkey reached for the food, it's hand could not be removed, because it was unwilling to let go of the food. He used the illustration to tell us to let go of what we were holding onto so tightly. Then we could live. WHAT?!!!

Back to the drawing board, because that story was just for me, right? Patience in letting go of what I've always thought to be good for me. Death would give way to life, if I'd just let go.

And this, my friends, is how my mind treats me ALL. THE. TIME. I make what I feel to be an excellent decision. A God led decision. And then, bam! The for-sure decision gets knocked out of the ballpark, just so I can go searching again for that darn ball. Maybe that's my problem! I keep searching for the ball that was thrown out. Oh my goodness......

There may be changes in the seasons of my life, the chapters of my life book, where I continue to try and create what used to produce life in another reality (instead of letting go), but I'll never give up on the One who directs my steps, all found here...in Mary's World. Stay tuned...

Does Everything Really Happen for A Reason?

Why do people say, "Everything happens for a reason" suggesting that God is behind everything that happens? Every time I hear that, cold chills run through my body. Yes, I suppose everything DOES happen for a reason. And mostly that reason is because of the choices we make in this life. Is God present? Of course He is. And even though He does not cross the barrier of free will, He certainly will create beauty out of whatever it is we have managed to destroy, if we but ask Him.

So, maybe, that is what we are really saying. That when seemingly bad stuff happens, God will manage our brokenness and may even restore to us what we certainly do not deserve. But, for the life of me, I cannot see how a bad decision can translate to "everything happens for a reason." All the while, being said with possibly a slight shrug of the shoulders and a lift in the voice of positive results happening from the negative.

Sorry...I just don't get it. And I do not like it when I hear it. It's almost as fruitless as saying, "It is what it is." There may be a little truth in both these statements, but surely neither can be a conclusive expression. What is the rest of the story? Do we just let things lie, and never question whatever happened "for a reason"?

Could we possibly be a part of the solution? I think maybe (maybe), instead of just accepting whatever happened (because it happened for a reason), we could be the salve for the pain it caused. We could be the safe harbor until the storm passes. We could be the example of Christ's love to those He created. Hey, wait...that would mean ALL of humanity.

Yes, things certainly do happen for a reason. And that reason has to do with mankind and how we view life. It depends on how deep our selfishness runs; our need to have things the way we want them. The need to eliminate conflict, so our lives are "peaceful". It depends on how deep our faith runs. How deep our convictions run, and how willing we are to be selfless, preferring others above ourselves. It's a tall order, I know. I have failed many times but God has always kept me afloat, so-to-speak. Never letting me drown in my own thoughtless comments and actions. Always there to piece me back together and love me regardless of the pain I may have caused others. And hopefully the battle-worn have been restored as well.

It's my conviction that God is not behind everything (especially the horribly wrong things) that happen by way of our own doing. Yes, yes, I know. "The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." ~Job 1:20-22

What we must realize, is that it was not by Job's hands his whole family was taken from him. He was declaring his own faithfulness to the One who gave him life. It was a declaration of ownership. God's ownership, and what we have, or do not have. Job had worked hard all his life and had much to show for it, but then tragedy struck outside of Job's choices. Thus, "The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away." Here's a side note for you...read all of the book of Job, and your problems will seem non-existent. The 42 chapters will keep you busy for awhile, but in the end, God restored everything Job had acquired, two times over. God blessed his latter days more than the beginning...and Job died a very old man.

How Job became a part of this post, I couldn't tell you. He just wandered through my brain cells as I typed. Anyway...

I exist by God's designing reason, but mostly things happen (or don't happen) to me because of my own actions, and they may or may not, bring glory to my Heavenly Father...here, in Mary's World.

When Beauty Becomes Ashes

Rain is my friend. I love rain. Everything about a rainy day calms my spirit. The sound of rain hitting the pavement; the way it cascades down my windshield as I drive; the cooler weather it brings with it during late Fall, early Winter. The smell of something fresh invites me to come outside and allow my senses to experience the blessings of the cooler weather rain brings. If I had a deck, I would be sitting there sipping Highlander Grogg coffee, or Creme Brulee...whichever Dennis decided to make for me. So, instead I use what I've got and stand on the front porch, with coffee in hand, as this morning air and gentle rain wipes away every negative thought, every anxious thought, and every fear of what may be in the future of my allotted days.

It's a little funny how something so beautiful, so relaxing, can also create more trouble than we desire. If the rain continues, day in and day out, it's not long before the earth cannot absorb this calming liquid that has been sent to us from the clouds above. Flooding may happen in low areas. And then, it becomes destructive.

As much as I love the rain, I really don't like huge amounts of water that have gathered in one place. It may be lovely to look at, to smell (well, at the beach anyway), to walk along the edges of...but it also can create a very dangerous situation. Like drowning.

When I was a small child, 9 or 10, maybe, one of my older brothers threw me into the deep end of a creek bed. "Sink or swim," he said. I had wanted to learn how to swim for a very long time, but was just too afraid to go out into deeper waters to try. He thought I would surely fight to live and thereby, swim! Nope...he was wrong. Fear paralyzed me. I was going down for the third time, when my protective sister (Becky) swam out to grab me. Brother Rush soon wished he'd not been quite so confident of my survival.

Maybe that's why I fear the ocean. Or it could be something altogether different. I've had/have, a few fears other than what Rush (unintentionally) helped create. However, I simply call this fear a healthy respect of danger. True, it's wonderful to walk along the beaches and allow the winds that blow over the waters, to wrap around you. I also love the sudden thunder storms and the gathering black clouds, that seem to come out of nowhere, while walking along the shore line. But it is quite difficult to get me onto a boat of any kind. I'm getting better, I think. But I have to command my mind to be at peace. Cruises are definitely out, at the moment. Ferry rides are okay...

Moral of this story? The things you love the most can become a danger if there is over-participation. We are to do all things in moderation. Too much of a good thing can indeed become a not-so-good thing. And yet here I go, walking into the deep...

Here's my list of beauty becoming a form of death:

1. Being with someone (anyone) ALL. THE. TIME. We need a breather, a time to reflect, a time for God. What was at the beginning beautiful, has now become fearful. Fear of loss...

2. Being so spiritual that others feel you believe yourself better than they. Let me clarify, please. Being sensitive to God's spirit in us, is indeed the best way to live our lives. It's our connection to the God of all Creation. But, if everything we say and do finds us surrounded by "those of the faith", we will never reach the lost for Christ. We will become churchy with a list do's & do not's as our necks become stiffer and stiffer.  We're simply too good to dirty ourselves. Yet, we ourselves, were once lost, and at times STILL look a little dirty. What was at the beginning beautiful, has now become fearful. Fear of loss...

3. Using all our resources and plenty, on ourselves. What God has blessed us with, we want more and more of. Nothing wrong with that. Right? Wrong. It develops a greedy spirit within us. We are to be conduits of God's grace and mercy, and not in the form of just a hug and a prayer. What was at the beginning beautiful, has now become fearful. Fear of loss...

4. Food...oh my goodness, FOOD! It truly can be a thing of beauty, needed for survival, and enjoyed at gatherings. But...it can quickly become a form of death. Too much, too much of the time, begins to weigh a person down, literally. Organs in the body that are meant to protect, get weighed down and become dysfunctional. Or they are destroyed all together, breaking down our defense against bacteria, disease, and emotional stability. What was at the beginning beautiful, has now become fearful. Fear of loss...

5. Beauty itself. Recently, I came across a show on TV, called BOTCHED. Botched is a show about fixing surgeries that have gone wrong. It's actually pretty, no, it's VERY interesting. And amazing! These doctors reverse botched up works of other professionals; surgeries I think should be categorized as "impossibility." What was at the beginning beautiful, has now become fearful. Fear of loss.

I'm confident there are items we all could add to this list, but these are the 5 things that came to mind this morning as I watched the rain, coming down in all it's beauty, in it's service to me. 

Ready for this God given day, here you'll find me...in Mary's World.

Predators Amongst Us

For a while now, my heart has been so heavy with the struggles of those close to me. People I speak with at the businesses God has allowed me to have, here in North Carolina and Miami, Oklahoma. Yes, I still carry those I love from Oklahoma, in my heart. People I've spoken with from our church (past & present); people in my own sweet family. Through many times of prayer and godly counsel, I have come upon a few reminders from God's Word and from those Dennis & I respect in the ministry.

First, and foremost, God asks us to go with Him, but much of the time we want Him to go with us, because that puts us in control of where we're headed. Much of the time, where we are headed is not where He has asked us to go. It's just where we want to go, so we ask Him to be with us as we choose our own path. We make our own destiny, right? I may have even made that crazy statement, a time or two, myself. I've never believed it, however. Yes, we must choose our path, but then allow God to direct our steps, by following hard after His instructions that are revealed through many avenues. He's given us the Holy Scriptures, He's placed His own amongst us for counsel, He's put His Holy Spirit within us to comfort and guide us in the ways of Jesus (that's another blog entry).

We must remember that He knows the paths that are destructive (we can't see the long term effect of destructive choices...He can), as well as the paths that allow us to walk in peace where our soul is at rest...even in the midst of hardship, pain, and discouragement. And it all comes from saying, "I will follow (I will obey) Christ, even when I can't understand what's happening in the present."

A "plumb line" I've always been guided by, is one that shows me when I'm off the best path for me. I check that line by asking myself if I'm at peace with my decision. Sometimes I have even convinced myself that I WAS at peace with the decision. Because I wanted the crazy thing I'd decided on, so badly, I convinced myself I was at peace with it. But I knew I wasn't, simply because I continued to question, worry, fret, and be a general mess. So now, I ask myself this: "If God and I conversed face to face, would He say, "Well done, good and faithful servant." Then I try to line that decision up with Scriptural wisdom. If I can't find it, I ask those I respect in the Christian faith. Sorry, I don't sit in the counsel of those that are not qualified to point me toward godly wisdom. Before you throw rocks my way, I do believe there is good, even great, counselors that never bring our Lord into their conversation. I just don't think they can give me what I'm searching for. Humanity is fragile. Humanity wants what it wants. Humanity sees with selfish eyes. Humanity is mostly "yes" people. Without the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, I don't believe myself as having accomplished anything I couldn't accomplish on my own. They can possibly make me feel better about myself and stop hating myself...but can they give me what my heart needs to know?

God has given us counselors to help when we can't see clearly. Godly counselors. If we, as Christians, don't want Godly counsel, we can bet that our soul and our spirit are at war with each other. We feel we "know what they'll say" and we don't want to hear it. It's because we are at war with ourselves. Our spirit, soul, and body work together. If they are in conflict, something is wrong. Proverbs 11:14 tells us that without good direction we lose our way; but with the more wise counsel we follow, the better our chances. Well, actually it says, "For lack of guidance a nation falls, but victory is won through many advisers." Regardless...we understand that wise counsel keeps us steady. Not counsel that pats us on the back and tells us to do what makes us feel best. We all know feelings are fickle anyway. Feelings will lie to us. Feelings come and go. Everyone tells us to "be happy." Where are those that tell us, "Be obedient?" True happiness comes from obedience to the Father anyway. Geez...

I'm reminded of conversations about certain government officials being "Yes" men. No one wants a yes man. We all want, and NEED, men and women that have the fortitude to stand for what they know to be right. Truth always wins in the end, anyway. Right? Of course it's right. A nation, a country, a city or state, an individual...truth is what leads us. Deception is formed through lies. Lies that are meant to destroy us as individuals, as families, as a nation. And even though we may be taken out of this life as deceived individuals, truth will always win.

And most of the time we know what that truth is...we just don't want to admit it, because that would take us off the throne of our own heart where we are in charge of our own decisions; we would lose that area of control, and our pride would have to take a back seat and allow the Lordship of Jesus Christ to prevail. That's the thing. The world tells us just the opposite of what Christ tells us. But seriously, would anyone choose destruction if they knew it was destructive to all they hold dear? I doubt it. What good is pride, anyway?

The reason I share this is to encourage anyone that seems to be going through a dark place at the moment, the sun will shine again. God will take the ashes of your life and create something so beautiful, even you won't recognize it. And to remind us that we are not good navigators in this life, without the light of God shining on our path. We just can't see so well in the dark. Life, indeed, throws us more than a curve or two as we walk it out. The best way to face this life, is with God's proven victories over it. Matthew 7:7-8 tells us to seek Him and we'll find Him, knock at His door, He'll open it for us.

John 10:10 says, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." The thief spoken of here is a spiritual predator...he is the enemy of our existence and wants nothing more than to make our lives a living hell simply because he knows we will never belong to him. We belong to God. This predator is not stronger than God. He may seem to have triumphed and won a battle or two. He will not win the war.

Life can, and does, change. God doesn't. The only thing that remains a constant in this life, and the one to come, is the love of our Heavenly Father. He will withhold no good thing from those who love Him.

Constantly searching for truth, here you'll find me...in Mary's World.

Tears in Our Soul

tear¹

ter/

pull or rip (something) apart or to pieces with force, so as to leave ragged or irregular edges. 

No one escapes the occasional tears in the fabric of life, if one lives long enough. Our heart is given over to defeat as we fight with weapons formed from our own reasoning, relying on the wisdom we have acquired over the years. Forgetting that God holds the best strategy for war, we feel we must do this on our own. We may ask for His guidance, but then pick up the javelin of selfishness (when God asks us to be selfless), because it's what feels right for a win. It's what we must do to free others, we tell ourselves. 

We become so worn and ragged while fighting the battles that rage in our mind. Battles that may have been lurking, waiting for the appropriate time, as our own desires take priority, and weariness has set in from trying to make everyone else happy. We are tired.

Other battles we must fight are the ones created by those we love the most. And we have become the target. The fabric of our life has been tore into multiple pieces. Tears that rip, that pull apart with force. Tears that leave our edges ragged or at least with irregular edges. Tears that thrust us into the heart of God. Tears that will eventually allow the light to shine out. Tears that reveal God's heart, out of our barrenness. Our empty soul. Tears that will allow others access to our pain. Painful tears...

Over the years, I have been told, "It's not about you!" And my reply was mostly, "Well, it needs to be about me, once in a while." We believe ourselves to be such a part of the dynamics of family & friends, we take things personally, when indeed it's about those dealing with the war. The war inside their heads.

Pride must be shoved aside now. We cannot allow pride to be our downfall, our defeat. It's not about us, per say. It FEELS like it's about us. But feelings are deceptive, right? Feelings come and go. Feelings will lead us down the wrong path. Feelings are not to be trusted. Love is what we must trust. Everything we see with our natural eyes, our natural understanding, is subject to change. Only God's reality, (things not easily seen), can be trusted. We must acknowledge Him and the solutions He has already laid out for us. All else pales in the light of love. His love. The love that He has given to us, has infused us with, has placed inside our being, to rely on as the world around us, in us, becomes too dark, too hazy, for our understanding.

Standing on our front porch this morning, I watched the rain gently falling, at first, then begin to be poured out of the heavens. I talked with God as tears ran down my face, much like the rhythm of the rain drops. Softly, at first. Then came the downpour. It was good. It was needed. It was a gentle caress from my Father, telling me that some things must be, in order to grab the attention of those He loves. Of those who seem to have lost their way. Those of us that thought we knew what He was asking of us. Yet the days, the months & now years, have shouted, "You're on your own." "You must do this. No one will do it for you." "In the end, it will be worth it." We've always known there to be a bit of truth in every lie. It's true, we must do whatever it is. It's true we are our own driving force. And it's true that is how we become deceived and believe a lie, from the partial truth the lie holds. Our analytical minds figure it all out and believe God has figured it out for us. Because it feels right.

Prayer is not for God, it's for us. God knows what we have need of before it becomes a need. He knows the challenges we face on a daily basis. He is familiar with them all. Prayer releases US to hear God's heart beating for us. Prayer cleanses our soul. Prayer gives hope. Prayer worships the Creator and doesn't seek it's own...until the ripping of soul comes. 

Prayer has the potential to mend the tear that would seem irreparable. Once the light has been shown upon it. Once the light has penetrated the darkness and revealed the lie. Once the rescue has taken place. And then...then our burden will be lifted off us as the Father tells us, "Now go back into the darkness and rescue another one."

It's not about me...here, in Mary's World.

Things I Learned Two Days Ago...I Think

Dennis and I went, for the first time since moving here, to the NC State Fair this past Monday. Here's what I learned:

1. Never give advice (or suggestions) to another Senior Citizen.
    It was pretty dang cold Monday morning. Waiting in line to board a transit bus, the wind gently caressed and enveloped all that were standing there. The lady directly in front of me had very short hair, ears exposed to the blustery day. I should have kept my mouth shut.

2. I am a Senior Citizen.
   The bus was loaded with old people. As far as the eye could see, forward and backwards, people with canes, no hair, and very slow, to non-existent, movement. I wondered how they would make it up those hilly inclines at the fairgrounds. So, evidently, transits are for the elderly. I didn't know that...but now I do. I like transits.

3. My memory is fleeting.
    Entering the fairgrounds, the gate keeper informed me I was not "over the hill". I was merely an "informed adult", or an "informed individual", or a "mature adult", or a "mature individual"...whatever, you get the picture. I really don't remember. And actually whatever it was she said, I forgot after taking approximately 10 steps forward...but I liked it. Whatever it was. By now I was beginning to really appreciate being a senior citizen. It seems to be a good luck charm when going anywhere. Discounts all over the place. AND a free pass into the fair! Ha! Dennis had to pay $10 to experience the same things I experienced for $0.00! (Big smiley face goes here).

4. Expect lines to move slowly.
    No one seems to be in a hurry in the world of seniors. It just takes time to sort through which archived money one should use. Cash? If so, from which secret pocket in the purse should it be taken from? The Christmas Fund? The Loose Cash Fund? The "Saved for a Rainy Day" Fund? The "Where Did THAT Come From Fund"? Maybe one should just use that piece of plastic and hold onto the cash. But which Credit Card? Which Debit Card? Better use one that is covered of fraudulent charges just in case the vendor decides to keep the info on the card. Decisions, decisions. (Memo: I don't have all this free flowing cash; in case you're thinking of following me, with intent of knocking me in the head).

5. Expect detours while on the fairgrounds. (Go ahead and speculate on what that means exactly...)

6. There is more than one way to cook bacon.
    This one I learned from a total stranger I found myself talking to, about a ceramic bacon fryer, in a pottery vendors palace. Strangers become good friends by the time you reach mature adulthood. We welcome ANY interaction, since family has their own life to live and it rarely interacts with yours. So...the bacon recipe. The bacon in the picture looked limp and icky. My new found friend had the perfect solution, and  I'm going to try her suggestion. Hummmm....maybe I'm NOT a senior citizen. Taking suggestions, and all...
    Here's the how-to:  Layer bacon on aluminum foiled cookie sheet
                                   Cook in oven at 350 degrees, for 10 minutes
It's supposed to come out very crispy with no spattering mess to clean up. Awesome.

7. Football really does unite people across the globe.
    Dennis had several strangers stop to talk football. All because he wore his colors. When leaving the fairgrounds, a "mature adult" walked past and said, ever so nonchalantly, "Boomer", with which Dennis replied, ever so nonchalantly, "Sooner." Without looking back, she exclaimed to her husband, "He's a real one." Of course they had to be stopped and visited with.

8. Seniors, even though they have a couple of years to go before being legally known as a "Senior Citizen" (aka the one who still has to pay to get into the Fair), will develop pain in the lower torso that travels down at least one leg and into the same foot after walking a few hours up and down hilly terrain, but still gets a kick out of holding hands with people dressed as Mother Earth and walks on stilts.

The REAL Senior just put this in her memory bank. The bank that serves her well...for the next 10 forward steps.

9. If you keep watch on the time in the midst of all the fun of eating funnel cakes, hot, homemade apple pie with stone cold vanilla ice-cream on top, chili dogs, turkey legs, onion rings, and hot apple cider, and visiting with total strangers (and strange people in general), and taking time to admire the beauty of the florists gardens...the transit will get you home before dark.

WHERE ARE ALL THE PICTURES I WAS SUPPOSED TO TAKE?!!

Thankfully, I still know my way home...here, in Mary's World.

Jealousy's Fire

She was wed just over a year when the President of a well-to-do bank asked her if she would be interested in working for him as a bank teller in their loan department. Working as a waitress, she had brought food to his table many times. He took notice of her work ethics; her quickness of hand, her ability to meet the public with a smile, and a true desire to please.

She had been employed at the bank for only a week, when her trainer met with the boss to give him a review of the first week and how the new girl handled herself. "She's a fast learner," the trainer said. "I don't think we should keep her in bookkeeping. She needs to be up front, meeting and serving the public," said the trainer.

Well into the first year of being employed by the busiest bank in town, and the greatest boss of all time, the new girl was given more and more responsibility. She loved her job. She felt important. The President would stop by her window and visit every day. They laughed together, shared stories, and became friends. He felt he had made a good choice in her.

Having worked on a farm, the new girl wasn't afraid of work...nor did she consider work to be a dirty word. She loved using her hands to produce something bigger than herself. She loved being needed. When her work was complete, she would find someone to help that may be having trouble finishing before the end of their day. Always wanting to help others, she never felt as if she was hired for just one job; but to actually be a team player. Everyone enjoyed working with her. All but one girl...

Jealousy raged within this one girl. She had watched as the President came every day to visit with the new girl. She had noticed the new girl was given a large bonus at Christmas, only a few months after her hire-in date. She notice it was hand delivered by the President, even though the new girl asked to be excused from the Christmas party where the bonuses were handed out. The party the employees had always been required to attend or they would have to forfeit their bonuses. She had noticed how quickly the new girl had gained popularity and she was not okay with that.

One afternoon, about closing time, the mail pile was high. The new girl noticed this and asked if she could help. The one girl was not making much headway in getting all the accounts posted in payments receivable. The new girl was being kind and wanted to help out. And even though the insurance department was helping with the mail, the one girl did not want the new girl anywhere around her. But, alas, the work must be done. The boss said, "let her help."

As the new girl reached for a stack of mail, the one girl glared, with head down, and never spoke a word to the new girl. Never acknowledged the new girl was there. "Are you okay?" the new girl asked. With voice low and filled with hate, the one girl said, "I hate you." The new girl was completely caught off guard. Her honest heart tried to process what she had just been told. "Why do you hate me?" the new girl ventured. "I don't know. I just hate you," responded the one girl, all the while never allowing their eyes to meet.

That was 38 years ago...and the new girl still shudders when she remembers that day.

"So what?" you ask. Is there a moral to this story? It continues to amaze me at just how damaging our words can be. And how life giving they can be. Words can damage a spirit for an eternity, it would seem. They can also lift and encourage for an eternity, it would seem. So why do we find it necessary to wound, to scar others, to convince them they aren't worth our time? I don't know that I'll ever know the complete answer to those questions. Other than the damaging effects that self-centeredness creates in us, these hating words must come from a heart filled with need. Material songs have been written about it. Like, "I Need You to Need Me", "Shake It Off", "Hater's Are Gonna Hate", and the list goes on & on.

The Scriptures tell us "The tongue has the power of life and death." ~Proverbs 18:21, and, "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God's likeness."  ~James 3:9 

Signing off, for today, maybe we can ask of the Lord to settle these words, from Psalm 19:14, deep in our spirit. And maybe...just maybe, we'll make it through the day with a lightness in our heart and kind words on our lips. "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in Thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer." ~Psalm 19:14

As always, here you'll find me...in Mary's World