Memories of Recent Days...

That first year was a dud. A time of figuring out who I was, now that I had said "Okay" to retirement. Fiddling; learning a few things about what having a greenhouse meant, Wearing a path on our hardwoods throughout our living spaces, looking at things needing done (but didn't have the gusto, or the want to), missing conversations with my clients, and eventually becoming a hermit, had became a swirling dark cloud focused on keeping me a prisoner.

It's not a pretty sight. Most days I looked like a homeless person, living in my comfy (and decently sloppy) pants and shirts, hair looking flat and unimpressive, adding to a mild depressive state. We, by nature, believe what we see reflected back to us in those 45 mirrors we have hanging vicariously throughout our houses. Or is it just me?

I suppose stranger things have happened. I suppose I'm not the only one who gets surprised by life's little quirks. I also suppose there are others whose minds have changed to an extreme they never saw coming. But here we are...

It has been close to a month since rising from bed one morning and my whole body felt it had been renewed while sleeping. It wanted to live again. The central nervous system had finally awakened after a long year of paralyzation, and connected once again to guidance from its main source of supply...the cortex of human existence...known simply as the brain,

Instructions began loud and clear. Upon rising, memories began to emerge and thoughts began whirling much like turning on a rotating fan. As my sensory integration began, and found it's proper place, the blades picked up speed. 

"Oh boy....here we go," I thought.

But it felt oh. so. good!!! Almost like what I think a re-birth would feel like. All of a sudden I had a purpose that I had laid down without having a clear plan as to where my feet may land. It was me jumping off a cliff...hoping to land on solid ground...yet not knowing if I would. For sure.

This past month has been different. Not in a way that anyone (other than myself...and possibly a few family members) would recognize. Unless they had know the "before" me. But I know. I know something has changed. Something good.

Being a worker all my natural life (from the age of 7 years), the transition from working with a schedule, to not working with a schedule, was daunting. To say the least...

I've never been one for marketing myself. Probably never will be. I have no need of becoming famous, so have always depended on word of mouth, and the knowledge of belonging to a God that is for me and not against me, has been my guiding light. I've always done what I've known to do and listened as best I could, for direction from Him who knows all things.

I've made my fair share of mistakes. But the way I see it, is, without mistakes we can't grow. Just like the natural body heals if it's cared for, so do the failures become successes when wisdom is applied as lessons are learned. Of this I am sure.

That morning I was speaking of? The morning I woke and felt new? The first thought that came through my waking moments was, "It's time to live again."

"It's time to live again." A second before that thought, I was sound asleep. And then the thoughts began to whirl...much like a dusty old fan had been turned back on. That's when you know you have been given instructions. For me...I knew.

I'm not completely sure what this all means. I don't have to. My days seem different now. I feel more awake, more alive. On a different path than the past "do nothing" year. "Lay back and take your ease" year. 

"You've earned it," just didn't settle well with me. 

And the beautiful rain falling this morning has been my inspiration to sit quietly, once again, to visit my blog site to create another memory for the times I forget.

Awake, and feeling alive, again...with plenty on my plate...

...As always, here you will find me...in Mary's World.