"Walking It Off" on Day 35

Forget Taylor Swift's admonition to "Shake if off". Shaking it off doesn't always mean one has dealt with an irritation. Sometimes, shaking it off simply means one has been successful at pushing it down into the archives of what one deems to be injustice. Those archives have a nasty way of sneaking up on oneself and imploding once the pile has no place to "shake off" yet another annoyance, or what one believes to be a direct attack.

I would rather "walk it off". Want to know why? Because when we talk a walk (maybe even a hike *wink *wink), we have time to process what has happened to make us want to go out in 80% humidity during a rainstorm, in long jeans and a tee-shirt that offers little to no protection from the onslaught of blood thirsty mosquitos. Have you ever noticed how much faster you can walk while thinking about how to keep your head from exploding? Even in high humidity? 

I felt like I was breathing in a paper bag this morning as my morning routine of walking around the neighborhood transpired. The morning walk was significantly delayed because of storms in the area. Real thunder and lightning and pouring rain, storms. God's little show of power lasted a full hour and dumped out a depth of humidity that felt like walking in mud...upstream.

Yes. I did consider not going until later in the day. However, here in the state that's just a rocks throw above the Deep South states, later, means HOTTER! But that's not what pushed me out the door sooner than I probably should have. My "widdle feelings" got hurt because someone didn't know what I needed to hear. Yep. You heard that right. I temporarily became a Democratic Woke person right there in my kitchen. I just didn't realize it until I "walked it off". Until I gave myself time to consider WHY my response (or lack thereof) was wrong. 

Why is it so easy to misunderstand our spouses, or significant others? D.W. and I are almost to the 49 year mark, and still, I occasionally misunderstand his intent. Today, I think it was because I have hated (strong word...I know), the reflection I see in the mirror. I am also very grateful that God has allowed my one foot that's on the proverbial banana peel, to hold steady and not slip. Bottom line, He has shown us all how to have health. We just either ignore it, or choose unwisely. Sometimes we don't even know what we are doing to our bodies, until it's too late and consequences hit us head on. That's another story...

Resistance has been trying to set in for the last 3 days, now. You know what I'm talking about, right? That little dark cloud that likes to hover when more than one thing is bouncing around inside the walls of our brains computer-like memories. Today, I was ready to embrace what I believed to be a legitimate excuse. And even though I felt really bummed about it, I was ready to cave. At least for the moment, all the while understanding the walk may not happen at all, today. The storms have never stopped me before, so why today? The jury for that question is still out.

The question you're all wanting answered is, "So, what did Dennis say, or do, for crying out loud?" Well, it's more what he didn't say, than what he did say. What I needed to hear was, "It's okay, Mary. One day off won't destroy everything you've accomplished. You can pick back up tomorrow." But that's not what he said. "You can't go out when there's lightning, just go later," is what he said. Okay. Okay. You can stop laughing now.

He didn't have the same feelings I did. The same thought process that I did. He didn't conform to my way of thinking, therefore he was wrong. He should have been more sensitive to my needs. Like I said, for a moment in time I fully understood the Woke Democratic brain. 😉

Memo: Everything doesn't have to be a direct attack on me/you. In this instance. D.W. really was watching out for me. Don't go out while it's lightning. Go later, simply meant he was for me. For my determined spirit to get this excess weight off. For my determined spirit to become as healthy as possible. It actually was a very gentle nudge forward. 

Okay. I'm back to my "Always Search Out the Truth, Republican" 😉

Persevering, here you'll find me...in Mary's World.

Day 32

Today I hit a wall. The sky was overcast, and the previous night had not given me the rest this sometimes weary shell I recognize as my body, needs. Yes, there have been other mornings that I really didn't want to "go for a walk", but not enough to keep the door from opening and spitting my resistant spirit out onto the driveway that meets up with the road I choose to walk upon.

I'm an early riser, so I work on other things while I wait for the sun to rise. Today, I went back to bed for 20 minutes. Didn't help. AND, the sun didn't show itself until 6:07 (that's 5 whole minutes later than yesterday). Since I won't go outside while it's still dark, for various reasons, it gave my body time to get comfortable. And it was tired.  Poured myself a cup of coffee and stretched this aging bod while waiting. 

I've always been able to shrug off the resistance and hit the road at a fairly fast pace. It's how I'm wired. My mom was a fast walker because she had to be in order to do all that must be done in the space of a days time. Ten kids, ya know. Just not enough hours in a day. Somehow, I either learned that was the way one was supposed to walk, or it was just my "get it done" mannerism.

If anything, I'm faithful. Once I commit to something, I never waver. My mind tries to talk me out of things, but I never give up. Today, it was a mental battle. Why, I'm not sure. The weather gave us a break and it was a cool 70 degrees at 6 AM, compared to the 78 & 79 degrees I normally walk in. Perfect walking weather. So, I resolved to put one foot in front of the other and just "get it done".

A funny thing happened as I walked. I had gone about half a mile when I spotted what appeared to be a homeless man across the street. I've never seen homelessness in our area. I've seen beggars that were clearly not what they hoped you'd think they were, but never someone in our neck of the woods that reminded me of what I see on the news from time to time. Usually across the country, in California. Oh, this person hadn't set up a tent, or anything that resembled a "home". He was actually walking with a brown knapsack in one hand, and a plastic bag in the other. Not knowing his story, my heart went out to him, while at the same time finding a lot more strength in my legs than what I began with. My stride lengthened, my heart bumped up its beats-per-minute, and my arms swung just a bit faster as the pavement below my feet shortened. The next time I looked over my shoulder, he had disappeared.

It's been said that our past doesn't define us. Yet, some days I feel mine does. I do know fear can be a healthy thing at times. It helps us understand the physical and mental pain of ignoring it. But, just like everything else, we should have a healthy balance. Too much of a thing can/will destroy us (which I'm known to allow). Too much eating. Too much sleeping. Too much TV watching. Too much work, etc. You get the picture. Too little of a thing also has the capability of destroying us. So, mostly because I was alone this morning, I allowed fear to dictate my actions. What had I not noticed? Should I be afraid? Once off that stretch of road, I settled down and was able to relax my mind as I finished my walk-about.

The question I'm left with this morning, is, "Will this one event cause my faithful walking to be altered?" This is the thing...there will always be something to test our resilience. To test our fortitude. To test our faithfulness. No matter what our goals are. What, or who, rules your thoughts?

Heading into day 33, here you'll find me...in Mary's World.

What I've Learned About Perseverance

Friday will be the beginning of week 4 since I made up my mind to actually do something with a gift I was given over 76 years ago. Over the years, I've enjoyed having this gift, but never really took into account just how unique it is. Yes, similarities run through it, much like others with the same gift. Still, my gift was unique to what I had need of. For the challenges I would face. For unanswered questions. For living life. For understanding. For a way back to health, mentally and physically. 

I usually begin my daily walk anywhere between 6 and 7 am. Come rain (and there's been a LOT of that happening...which I love), or come shine. Most mornings I am greeted with the fragrance of honeysuckle as I step off the porch. Then, the most amazing aroma from my Jasmine Bush greets me as I walk past the roadside mailbox. As the walk begins, there is most usually a fresh breeze that welcomes me, whether the clouds are dumping their rain or the already warm sun is shining. And I welcome it!

It has taken me all of these 3 weeks to see the trend of walkers/joggers between the minutes of this hour. If I get out by 6:15, it's usually just me. Alone with my thoughts. If I'm 15 minutes later, I'll see 1-3 others out and about. Today, there were 5. Walkers & joggers. On occasion, one of those walkers will speak when spoken to. It's a mystery to me why they ignore the greeting. The runners, I don't even bother to greet anymore. I used to, in the beginning days, but soon learned they must need their breathing to be consistent so they conserve it. I don't really know. But, I've yet to have a response from any of them. One of the runners I meet every day finally threw a smile my direction as we met this morning. I liked that. I knew she wouldn't respond verbally, but it was just the encouragement I needed to wish her a great day. And a walker almost got into a full blown conversation with me, all the while we both walked in different directions. Also, I've noticed the increase in traffic down my favorite stretch of road, during the minutes between 6:30 and 7:00. I'm guessing they're all headed to work, or possibly taking their kiddos to summer camp. Again, no clue. 

The noise doesn't bother me so much. I still see many woodland creatures scurrying around. Which is kinda calming, actually. I could swear the traffic stopping geese I come across, now recognize me. We lock eyes as I wish them a happy day, as well. Side note:Yes, they actually stop traffic here. It's the craziest thing I've seen in awhile. They take their sweet time crossing a busy road, backing up traffic for a fair distance, as if danger is nowhere to be found. And there is usually a whole brood of them. It does no good to honk at them. They are oblivious to the fact you have a place to be. 

So, what have I learned about perseverance? 

1) It calms the soul. 

2) It gives one something to look forward to. 

3) It gives a boost of confidence. 

4) It strengthens the spirit. 

5) It showers one with rewards. 

These 5 things are what grace is rooted in. God knew we would need grace applied to our lives, and He generously gave it to us. We just have to mobilize it. Reach for it. It's free for the asking, but just like anything with clear instructions, we can't find that place where grace has been applied without first realizing its there, then implementing it. Then the realization will come that it continually surrounds us. It's when we walk in the knowledge of grace, that we actually experience it.

Lastly, as we look for the grace we've been given, we must persevere consistently. Once realized, it's as close as the air we breathe. The realization of it being a real thing comes so effortlessly as we walk in it. Always realizing it as the free gift it is from the One who created us and reserved a spot within each of us to utilize this amazing gift in its uniqueness, not found anywhere but within the house provided by a loving Father. The place where His love for us resides. In my opinion, the reason we become miserable in our lives is simply that we don't know this fact, or have simply forgotten its existence. Or denied it.

Broken down, it may look something like this:

Perseverance is doing something despite the difficulty or delay in achieving the success we are looking for. Being single-minded, if you will. Consistency is applying what is needed for the sake of accuracy that best suits the need for what one is persevering for. An example of that would be putting one foot in front of the other if the goal is being healthy. 

In this case, it is being applied to my determined spirit to drop these unwanted extra pounds I've accumulated that are seemingly causing a few health issues. In order for me to be successful I must first apply the strategy (consistency) to the difficulty (perseverance), and become single-minded by focusing on the prize set before me. Bringing my body back into subjection to be all that it was meant to be, while remembering Rome wasn't built in a day, so neither should I expect immediate results from something it took more than 3 years to accumulate. And remembering grace will cover everything I reach for.

Not wasting, not ignoring, not simply taking advantage of this wonderful "house" God has provided for me, here you'll find me...in Mary's World.

Time for Reconciliation

One week in, and I thought I might collapse before my legs got me home as I continued to lengthen the journey of the day. It wasn't because of the lack of oxygen, or chest pain. It was because my upper legs and hips were taking a beating as my determined spirit commanded them to move forward. Again and again. Never give up. Never give up. Keep going. Keep going...

The winter months (and a lazy spirit) had gotten me to a weight that wasn't acceptable. The problem wasn't what I thought others thought as they looked my way. The problem was what I thought, every time I looked at the reflection of someone I didn't know. Had I really allowed myself to get to this point? Evidently I had. 

My sweet tooth yelled back at me. "It doesn't just magically appear, young lady!" So, me, and who I was created to be (physically AND mentally), jumped into the conversation for the hundredth time. "This is not good." "You DO want to be around for your grand-kiddos, right?" "Don't you miss how GOOD it felt to be the size your body loves being?" "This will take some time, but seriously, where will you be when that time has past?" And finally, "Let's get to work!"

Isn't it crazy what our mind tells us when we finally decide to make a change? Where food is concerned, everytime I walked past the pastry sitting on the counter (waiting for me and a cup of coffee), my thoughts were that I should get that all eaten before starting this wind down of sweets entering my mouth. UGH!!! So I did. 🙄

This staycation has been good. I feel I'm able to focus a bit better and hopefully get some of those cobwebs out of my stale, stagnant brain. I'm seriously tired of mindlessly walking through the motions of everyday life. I did make plans to shake things up a bit for this 6 day sabbatical, yet none have been accomplished, and I'm 4 days in. I have no remorse. 😂  

If you don't know by now, I'm a bit of a mysterious person. Sometimes I talk too much, wishing I could just fade into the background and be silent. Sometimes I don't talk hardly at all, wishing I had someone that would listen. But, for the most part, I'm a pretty verbal gal. I want my voice to be heard. Good or bad. Focused or indifferent. Happy or sad. Isn't that what most of humanity wants? To be heard? 

I've been told by my doctor, to please start walking. She wants this cholesterol level to drop and blood pressure to even out. So do I, so I walk. Granted, it took her about 3 months to get me moving, but it's not like I lead a motionless life. I still work at this ripe old age of 76. Sure, it's only 4 days a week, but still. That should account for something. Right? Turns out it doesn't amount to much at all. Even though I'm on my feet for the duration of those 4 days, I'm not really moving that much. Unless standing translates to movement, I may be in trouble. My arms are nice and strong and my legs are the epitome of strength, but the other less worked parts, wellllll....

Guess I could blame the bakery for making those tempting morsels in the first place. They are the cause of all the morbidity, not only in me, but in the masses. Right? Maybe we should sue them. Isn't that what we do nowadays? We couldn't possibly be responsible for this madness our bodies are rebelling with. If they hadn't tempted us, we'd never be in this situation. How dare they! And why should the bakery's profit from our sufferings? 

Sorry...had to show off my wokeness for a minute. 

My parents raised 10 kids to understand that their actions had consequences. Good, and not so good. We were made to understand that how others lived their lives, made no difference in how (or why) we reaped consequences. The outcome of our lives depended completely on how we faced and responded to the life we were given. And much of it came from the amount of control we had over ourselves. How much we demanded submission of our own body. Over its actions. Our consequences were in direct relation to what we chose to do in any given circumstance. 

So...here I go again, taking charge (once again) of my actions. I never should have relinquished, should never have pushed away, the complete understanding of the charge I have over my home. The shelter of my spirit. I should never have relinquished charge of all the countless ways my body was designed to aid me in the choices I made. My body is faithful. Until it can no longer be so because of my choices. We are partners. My body and I. It will give me good returns, if I but give it good nutrition and proper movement.

Working on forgiveness of such blatant irresponsibility, here you'll find me...in Mary's World.

The Depth of the Soul

Some may take offense at what this blog is going to address. However, it needs addressed. I don't hear it often, but when I do, it attaches itself not only in my memory, but it does something hurtful to my soul. Regardless if it was meant for me, or another. My physical body takes the brunt of it, as the words resound over and over inside the body's constant flow of life. 

I won't mention the slang term I am speaking of, but the same holds true of any defaming word, such as "stupid" or "idiot". The person you aim these foul words at, may indeed be irritating or ridiculous in whatever they have said or done, to cause the urge to respond with inflammatory words that wound. Yet, what is the purpose of spewing garbage everywhere? Does it make us feel any better that we've "put them in their place"? Does it make us feel superior to them? Why? Why must we do that?

You, and I, have heard the saying that how a person acts, how they talk-down to others, isn't necessarily about those being attacked with the foul verbiage, but rather, it's about them. It's about the content of the abusers soul. Yet, words have a way of piercing us, don't they? 

If nothing else, these sort of "attacks" cause me to stop and search my own soul. Have I spewed out unnecessary language at others? Is it well with MY soul? 

This is what was roaming around my brain waves as I walked the neighborhood this drizzly, and quite muggy, morning. 

Allowing you entrance into my mind, here you will find me...in Mary's World

 

Peripheral Vision Is Important, Too

It's been exactly one year since posting about the next leg of my journey. As I re-read that particular blog entry, I thought to myself, "Where did your vision go?" For many of my adult years, I've had a goal, and a vision on how to get there. Usually with a five year time line. Somewhere along the way, I seem to have lost the ability to see beyond the here, and the now. It's not a comfortable place to be when you're a planner.

Granted, there have been times in my life when that has rang true, then, as well as it does now. But those times never lasted as long as this one has. This one began almost 10 years ago, and seems to shadow me, as if it were my companion. We all know there is only one thing to do when such a dilemma presents itself. Put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward. Right? Do what we know to do, do it well, and don't deviate from it.

During our 2012-13 move, from Oklahoma to North Carolina, I remember saying how I felt like a cork just bobbing along in a vast amount of oceanic water, having no purpose, and no place in-particular to go. Having oversight for the many, brought to naught, blew some challenges my way. The transition of confidence to a big question mark began to take a toll on me, causing me to question the importance of my existence. Crazy, I know...

I've always considered myself a serious person, with little to no time for humor. Neither did I, nor do I, like idle chit-chat. If we must visit, let us visit about important things; deep, from the heart things. It's what stirs me. I feel no harm in being thus. I love deeply, sincerely, faithfully. That hasn't changed, it's been a constant. Just my long distance vision had become a bit obscure, which makes it hard to have a goal. That bothered me.

What I have come to realize, is that I actually need humor in my life. I need to laugh more. Like I did with my friend, Jani, and on occasion, my sister, Becky. Beck was more on the serious side (most Praters are/were), but entertained sarcasm, on occasion...which could (on occasion) be funny. Jani and I couldn't get together without entering a whole new world of laughter. We could just look at each other and begin laughing, that often turned into coughing fits. We could be serious, too, however. It's just that when we needed a good laugh, we knew who to seek out. It was a healthy balance. We all need healthy balances, right? 

All that changed when their journey ended here. Jani's earthly body lost its fight with a mean brain cancer, while Becky faced PSP that trapped her inside an unwilling body to respond to brain impulses. She went only a month after Jani. And I had just lost a brother to what began as prostrate cancer, and spread to various other organs in his body, only a few months earlier. I remember wondering how the world, and all its people, could continue on as if these 3 souls were never here. Had never graced the planet with their spirits. My world was a bit unsteady for awhile and though I never lost sight of who I was/am, it felt as if I was suddenly alone. I wasn't of course. The world just felt a bit empty. A bit like a torn tapestry that would never be the same. And even though there was still much beauty to be had and felt from family (blood connected AND extended family), a piece of me left with them. In retrospect, I think I stayed a bit too long in that mind set. I missed my confidants.

And then came our first grandchild! Life was about to take on new meaning, and with it came new purpose. And just as seasons of life come and go, so it seems that purpose does, as well. Change will always happen. How we navigate it, is what's important. I'll always believe Reagan came at the time she did, to set many of us free (at least me) from a bondage we (I) had put ourselves (okay...myself) in. Seeing life through the eyes of a child will ALWAYS break into a protected heart and mold it back to the soft heart God intended it to be. To say she has lifted our spirits, is an understatement. And then, Warner comes along and ices the cake. It's as if iron had sharpened iron long enough, and God sent a fresh wind to cool everything down. To be in the presence of a child is life-giving, and causes the world to seem just a bit more navigable.

So...how's my vision these days? About the same. For whatever reason, the only future I can see, is the ultimate, not the short-long term. And that's okay with me. Putting one foot in front of the other and doing well with the things given me to do, is good enough for me. The "plan" is to continue with my salon business as long as health (mental & physical) remain. I no longer feel like that cork in the water, bobbing along with no purpose. God has seemingly pulled me closer to home without the need to know where I'm going at all times. I've learned to relax more. A whole lot more. How I even functioned before, I'll never know. I'm pretty sure it's why I'm so skittish, and will scream so easily when surprised. Even when Dennis (my husband of almost 49 years) just walks down the hall without forewarning me. It's a miracle he's not knocked me out, because of a knee-jerk reaction. 🤣

To be clear...my vision remains true and on point for where I'm headed. It's just that my peripheral vision has become so vivid, I don't focus so much on the obvious. It's the beauty of what God has put in my path that has become my focus, for such a time as this. 

A closing thought: Usually, seasons dance together a bit, before taking on their own appearance and character. Parts of the former blends into the present, and then the present shows its true colors. Yet, there are times a season comes blowing in without warning, ready to stop us in our tracks and show itself real. Who you were is suddenly no longer that. You have quickly changed course. Still you. Different direction. That happened, folks, about 10 years ago. 

Waiting for the next wind of change, here you'll find me...in Mary's World.

Why Did You Remain Hidden?

A few weeks ago, I was having a conversation with a young lady, and with tears in her eyes, she said, "If I make it into Heaven, the first thing I will ask God is, "Why did You remain hidden?" Maybe a better question would be, "Why did You remain silent?" 

I just can't get this out of my head. It invades my waking moments, my going-about-my-day moments, and everything in-between moments...popping into my thoughts without warning. It lays heavy some days. What did she mean? Really mean? I think this question goes so much deeper than surface issues. Like most things, it has become a heart issue, searching for the presence of its God. Of its maker.

Most mornings I'm at my study desk by 7 AM. Some days (most, actually) it's much earlier. As I prepare for the onslaught of the day, and all it will bring my way, this conversation enters my mind. The sun faithfully peaks through the trees from across the road (usually right at 7:45 AM these days), making its way straight into my eyes. And even though I'm not looking directly at it, the rays coming from it, soon begin to blind me. Can't see much of anything. So, I reach up and close that one shade where the sun is making its presence known. It's not shining brighter than yesterday. It's not shining less than yesterday. It's not trying to get my attention, it just quietly makes its presence known to me. It's being what it was created to be. A light. A source of life. Astonishingly, as it commands the weather, the ocean currants, the seasons, and the climate, it remains faithful to little old me. Simply put, it makes life possible on planet Earth. MY life possible. Here. On planet Earth.

How do I know it's there? I know it's there because it's blinding me, and on days I open my window, I swear I can feel its warmth, even though it's some 93 million miles away from my window (according to NASA). High and lifted up, so far away, yet so close we know it is present. Always present. Even when it's on the other side of the planet, making its rounds for all people. 

Food for thought: What do we tell our little kiddos when they ask, "Momma (or Daddy), where does the sun go when it gets dark outside?" We tell them it's still there, it's just giving its light to the moon, making it not so bright, dimming its own light, so we can rest better. So we can sleep and recharge for tomorrow. Right? I do hope we're listening as God is making His presence known. 

There are days, seasons, if you will, that we can't really feel the sun so much. Yet, it remains where it was placed by the God of heaven and earth. Still providing all the earth needs for that time. That season. We yearn for the sun to show itself during those days that turn into weeks. MONTHS (in some places). Just like we yearn for God to show Himself when we see so much devastation. So much injustice. So much wrong. So much death. 

Why does He remain hidden (or silent) when we feel we need Him the most? But, is He really hidden? Did you know that even though the sun is hidden by clouds some days, the rays it produces break through those clouds and not only covers the earth, but also goes deep into the ocean? The sun will always continue to give life, whether we see it (Him?) or not. It's the nature of the sun. Or the Son...

On this earth, we will always have hardships, devastation, and circumstantial cruelty. ~John 16:33 But...He came to show us how to be over-comers. There is evil in this world. That's not going away, as much as we'd like for it to. However, we don't have to succumb to it, or become part of it. He will lead us in truth and will never leave us lonely. ~Deuteronomy 31:6-8. 

All we have to do is look with our spiritual eyes. Sometimes our natural eyes will tell us something is a truth, when the things we can't see, are the real truth. Such as...I had a client, just yesterday, that told me of this amazing experience he had on a recent work trip. Short synopsis of the encounter was that he chose to help a total stranger that was standing in the middle of the road, bleeding, at 3 AM, as my client drove the dark road that was free of all traffic. Allowing him access to his car, driving him to a drop off, calling a number he didn't know to let them know where the man was, AND later following up to make sure something left behind wasn't important to him, I am STILL amazed that my client was in the right place at the right time for the one needing help. And, even though the stranger was talking incoherently (that's another story I don't feel I should talk about), when he spoke to him the next day, the stranger told my client he had saved his life. Oh man!!! Don't even try to convince me that God wasn't there.

One last thing. Moses wanted to see God. He must have asked the same question. "Why do You remain hidden?" In Exodus 33:22, God responded to Moses. "You cannot see my face, for man shall not see me and live." And the Lord said, "Behold, there is a place by me where you shall stand on the rock, and while my glory passes by I will put you in a cleft of the rock, and I will cover you with my hand until I have passed by." That very obscure meeting with God caused Moses to come down from the mountain with white hair. I think I'll choose to believe that we cannot look into the face of God and live. Maybe He is protecting us by remaining hidden. Or, maybe He's actually there and we're the ones who are hidden. Jesus did say that if we see Him, we've seen the Father.~John 14:8-9

Diving deep, here you will find me...in Mary's World.