When World's Collide

  

We were coming upon our 50th wedding anniversary. My husband had always loved giving me gifts he thought fitting for me, that he knew I would love because he loved them. He's always had an eye for excellence and loved showing me how much he loved me through those gifts that spoke louder than he had words for. Acts of kindness is his love language, some would say. He is, indeed, a people magnet. Possibly because of the kindness he shows to all who step into his world.

The brutal truth here is that most of my adult life I have felt unworthy of love. Not because I am a bad person. Not because I am a taker, yet never give. And not because I haven't loved others. But just because I haven't allowed myself to see as my Heavenly Father sees. To Him, I am perfect, in spite of my metaphorically crooked legs that cause me to stumble. In spite of my sometimes fearful heart. In spite of always looking for the worst case scenario. Always loving the times I allow the sun to shine on my face and lift me up from the dust of life. It's not that I focus on all the wrongs done to me during my short life. It's not that I keep myself chained to the past (or do I?). I do understand that I no longer am bound by it. It's only because I allow myself to be "triggered" by certain actions and statements, that bring the once hidden files rushing to the frontal lobe of my brain, where personality, social behavior, and emotional regulation take place. That's also when I need sugar. Lots of sugar. And we all know what sugar does to us. Right? It jacks us up before slamming us down, where we are virtually unable to cooperate with anything, or anyone.

There will be many who read this that won't understand what my heart is focused on this early A.M., but for some....well, they will know exactly what I am saying. Instantly...

The gift presented to me for so many years of being a faithful wife and mother, changed so many things. First of all, it reminded me of who I have always been. Not of what I had walked through that challenged who I have always been. Nor of who I was meant to be. One simple, yet profound gift. As I think about it today, I think of the Prodigal Son who, upon returning home, his father called for a ring to be placed on his finger. (There is so much more to this story that can be found in Luke 15:11-32). If one would take time to read this short passage, well...I'll just say this: This portion of Scripture has been known to melt the coldest of hearts.

The gift that was placed on my finger at the beginning of this month ( a couple of weeks before our anniversary), reminded me of who I am. And now, outward signs are developing that I had given up on ever happening. Like most, I had told myself this was my life (it is a good life) and that I should forget the desire of my heart of it being anything else. Oh, I'm still me. I'll always and forever, be me. Maybe a refined me??? We'll see where this takes us. If it indeed does take us somewhere other than where I've been my entire life.

Synopsis: God is always working on our behalf, and when we least expect it, will reveal his Love for us in a deeper, more meaningful way than we could ever imagine. And yes. He uses the mundane to reveal the extraordinary.

My hope for you this Christmas season, is that you will see. That you will actually feel the love that our Creator, our Heavenly Father, has for you. That you can get glimpses of how his heart feeds yours. That He is always waiting for us to look His way. To ask of Him. To love Him simply because He loves us. It is we who need changing. Not him.

May the joy of this season be yours, forever and always. 

As always, here you will find me...in Mary's World.