918.542.6819

Must I call this number? Really? For the last three mornings, upon awaking, these call numbers have been running through my head. Why? Am I to call and see who answers? I've wanted to! But haven't...yet. They are the numbers that had been allotted to my bro-in-law and sister, as a phone connection during their 40 years on highway 10. Well, I don't actually remember the exact number of years they lived there, but I've been here for 35 years and I know they were there sometime before that. And I think they had the same number for all that time.

So, why are these numbers running a race through my mind? Good grief! Are they in any way tied to the 5:55, or the 4:44, or the 3:33, or the 2:22 or the 1:11, or the 10:10, or the11:11, or the 12:12, that seem to plague me???

Most of the time, it's the 5:55 that is brought to my attention. I have searched and searched to understand the possible meaning. Why do my eyes always look at a clock only during these time? The number five (5) signifies "grace". Three (3), "resurrection". So am I being told that grace has been or is being multiplied to me (five 3x's) or that grace has been or will be resurrected for me? The number 15 (5 x 3)signifies "rest". So then...am I to rest, knowing that grace has been resurrected for me? I think so! ONE problem solved! But now that I THINK I understand the message to me, what does my very much missed sister's phone number have to do with anything? Awwww...could it be God is telling me that His grace is sufficient for me, has been multiplied for me, where the loss of my sister is concerned? You know, there have been times I feared toppling over that elusive edge of reality to the point of wondering if I really am living in the "real world." I have come to grips with the possibility of being pacified and allowed myself to believe that if I indeed am living in a fantasy world, that at least it is my reality. And I like my reality! Most of the time. =}

Well...as with much of the time, when I sit down to write out my thoughts, solutions come that have been a mystery to me. I've always known that without the grace of God, I could not walk through this life and live in sanity. He has not given the spirit of fear, but of love, of power and of a sound mind. I've always known that God is the one I can depend on to get me through all the difficulties in life, the rough spots, the uncomfortable spots...some self-inflicted, some others-inflicted. There are many times I want to withdraw from society at large. And I do realize, I'm not the only one. I've heard one of my brother's say it way too many times. I don't like it. Isolation says we don't want to face another issue. But that is just what the enemy of our soul wants us to do. Put us out of the race. At the end of our days, we'll go home to be with the Father, but during our stay here...well, it would simply be without cause if we pulled back and never touched a life. Grace...God's grace will make sure we survive and thrive! Until the day comes for us to go home. I want to stand face to face with Him with excitement because of the lives He touched through this one vessel of His. I read a book one time by Patsy Clairmont, called "God Uses Cracked Pots". The point of the book was to let all who read it, know the difficulties of this life serve to allow God's light to show through the pain (the cracks). He brings us to victory, in spite of our weaknesses. It is evident that only by His grace, not by our strength, we come through with smiles on our faces. Real smiles. No phony baloney smiles.

Even though I do miss my Beck, miss her terribly some days...I can't help but believe she is still here with me. Traveling at the speed of light, going wherever she wants to go. And, no...I don't believe she's an Angel. I believe she is who God created her to be. Her spirit, who we knew through looking into her eyes, is with the Lord. Just as my wonderful friend, Jani, also is. They must be having a great time together. Laughing up a storm. I have a picture of them together from years ago when we all were part of Fellowship of Christians. Holding each others arms, laughing up a storm. What does that mean, anyway? Laughing up a storm? Beats me...I may have to run a search engine on that one. =} I think I may try to figure out a way to get that picture posted to this blog. Why does my mind ramble so much??? Would someone call 918.542.6819 and see who answers? Get back to me on that one, okay? =}

Until then...you'll find me in Mary's World.