Soon after realizing I was truly void of anything that gave life to my days, and then relinquishing my rights to myself, one of my favorite songs quickly became, "Open the Eyes of My Heart" written by Michael W. Smith. The basics of the song was repetition of these words:
Open the eyes of my heart, Lord
Open the eyes of my heartI want to see YouI want to see You
To see you high and lifted upShining in the light of Your gloryPour out Your power and loveAs we sing holy, holy, holy
Open the eyes of my heart, LordOpen the eyes of my heartI want to see You
I want to see You
Amazing Grace was another one of my favorites as a very young Christian (at 27 years of age), written by John Newton.
"Amazing Grace. How sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now I'm found. Was blind, but now I see. 'Twas grace that caused my heart to fear, and grace my fears relieved. How precious did that grace appear the hour I first believed."
I could feel the lyrics as they filled me up. It's as if I became one with them. The words from these 2 songs gave me strength to transition from darkness to light. As bad as living in darkness is, if it's your life, it's hard to let it go. Familiar territory is at the very least...familiar. The unknown can be de-stabilizing, cause loss of "friends", and turning your back on what you've known for so long. Even when it is a frightening existence. At least it's YOUR frightening existence.
I knew something had to change. Once I gave up...once I had gotten to the end of that proverbial rope, I begged God not to forget about me. Not to leave me, now. Even though I had turned my back towards him, I desperately needed Him not to turn His back towards me. Trustworthy. Faithful. Omnipresent God. The God of my fathers, who I really didn't know. I knew about him from all the teachings I had sat under; from the everyday Scripture readings and prayers offered, being raised in a pastors home...yet...I didn't know him.
As I began the journey on this new, and very narrow path, I realized tunnel vision was something I needed to keep the distracting forces of yesteryear from pulling me back into the abyss as flash-backs popped into my mind, without invitation. I needed focus. Both of those songs kept me grounded and would instantly bring tears of gratitude to my eyes as the music played and the spirit made alive. One might say they were the building blocks of my new found faith in God, the Father...Jesus, the Son...and the Holy Spirit. Something we, as human beings, as spiritual people having an earthly/human experience, need.
Removing the distractions was a must in those early years of denying myself while God restored my innermost being. What a journey it's been!
When I glanced at the clock this morning, it read 4:44. My first thought was, "Wow! I actually had a full nights rest!" The next thought was, "Hmmmm...the number 4 (in the Bible) refers to creation, earth, stability. God's order and his presence in the world, and being ready for whatever His plans may be. Completion." I took this as instruction from the One who truly cares, who loves unconditionally, who guides those who listen...as a reminder from whence I came.
Then...I looked at my day planner. Wanna know what I had written down several days ago in the notes section for the beginning of 2026?
"Prayer for 2026: Open our eyes LORD, that we may see. Ephesians 1:18. 2 Kings 6:17"
As always, here you will find me...in Mary's World.
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