This Thing Called "Retirement"

Never in a million years would I have believed you, had you told me retirement would cause my vision to shift to one of "I really don't care." I have cared about everything I've ever put my hand to; sometimes to the point of exhaustion. Starting with vision, then intentional goal planning and getting all my ducks in a row, straight on through to the execution of said vision. And it changed more than I should admit, with many fails, but a whole lot more wins. Over the years, I have worn many hats that required full attention to detail. But now? Well...retirement has caused my breathing to regulate to a more calm state without so many "needs" and desires. Almost to the point of feeling useless. It's only on occasion anxious thoughts arise. 

It does seem as though I have stepped into a more relaxed environment. It's nice. Mostly...

Promising myself, and many of my then clients, the first thing I would do when the business shingle came down, would be to tackle my home. One room at a time. It would be time for decluttering, not just for my own sanity, but for that of our girls. They would have a much easier time of going through Mom's STUFF, once this season of life expires, if it had already been gleaned of the unnecessary. It truly was a solid plan. And it is still waiting for me to activate it...5 months later.

To be honest, there has been a fair amount of distraction keeping most of my attention on the desirable and a bit less on the harder task of choosing what to throw away, what to donate, and what to keep. Being an entrepreneur for 50+ years hasn't helped. I keep seeing $ signs going down the proverbial drain. My brain keeps thinking about how I can still recoup a bit of the loss of retail (and all those decorations!) that was left over from the big closing sale. I've actually been somewhat successful in the endeavor, but since my husbands experience of dealing with a Marketplace pickup, I'm less prone to advertise. Thinking of a possible Garage Sale, at the moment. And since I've organized my fair share of those in Oklahoma, and know how to get the best out of the chaos it creates, I think I'm up for it. Yet, not really looking forward to what it will take to do one here in North Carolina. Still...

Recently, DW and I visited a bit about how different we are since retirement. While still working, we purchased things we needed, or just wanted, and it never seemed to daunt us. We did it without a second thought, knowing the out-go would quickly be replaced by the dual income. Having lived a simple life, spending never got out of hand, so we rarely thought twice about handing over the money for whatever it was we wanted. That has changed. Drastically. We now count every dollar that goes out because not much comes in to replace it. No dual income these days. Not even a single income, for that matter...other than a minimal reimbursement from all the money we handed over to the government while working. We began our retirement with a decent "nest egg" that only continues to shrink as life goes by. Maybe it's because we are accustomed to watching that egg grow, not become smaller, that is causing this uneasy feeling inside. Still, if the stock market holds steady and continues this upswing, that might cause tight shoulder muscles to relax a bit. 😁

Maybe a garage sale is in order. Time will tell. Ahhhh...retirement. A place of depending on how one feels at the moment, with no real agenda to get accomplished. No dead lines. No casualties if it doesn't get done today. Still...if not now, when? Good question.

DW says I worry too much. He may be right...

As always, here you will find me...in Mary's World.