Seeing Into the Mind of One MJLewis

Read on for just a tiny piece of the large puzzle I am working on...

These last few months I have had more on my mind than most of the entire last year. I've always strived for perfection. Perfection in whatever my hands find to do. I was raised this way and it has stayed with me. Some would say it was closer than any friend I've ever had.

Actually, I think most of us are this way, whether we believe it to be, or not. We want to grow and flourish in whatever we find to do. Yes? Whatever our lives consist of, we want it to be the best it can be.

Yet balance is so important in life. To expect instant gratification is to hold onto so many things, while hoping nothing is going to drop. Hoping that others see us. Hoping they confirm our existence, because we, ourselves, wonder if we are important. To anyone. I know, it's childish thinking, but so many adults walk this earth just needing to be seen. And I know why. But this is not about that.

It's my opinion (I have one...so do you), in order for a well balanced life, we must take a step back from our overwhelmed normal days and find a place of peace that will allow some things to just drop, without trying to catch them, if it means we will be able to hold other things more closely.

This may look like not saying yes to everything, but saying yes to only a few very good things. And in this revelation comes the battle of the mind. It will show us all the reasons why this line of thinking is just a bunch of misguided crazy thoughts. It will tell us to stay the course, then throw the "what ifs" at us. We prepare our lists of pros and cons, just to throw them out and begin again. And again...

I am not overwhelmed at this stage of my life. I have been overwhelmed, in years gone by, in my growing years...but not today. So you could say I believe myself to be bit of an expert on this matter. I came here to say that too much of anything brings with it the impossibility to balance any of it, and it will become a place of chaos. Not peace. And the family suffers as we continue living on this merry-go-round. At some point we must remember that only we, ourselves, determine who want to be. We find our peace, our comfort, our existence, when we find our Creator. The perception that we need to please others so they will find us pleasing, is a myth. A lie, of sorts. Once we realign with God, we will find balance and then be able to release the unimportant things we have believed to be important.

Soooo...Spring is looking at us this very moment. It's so close we can feel it, see it, anticipate it. It's the perfect time to breathe in and exhale. The perfect time to let go of the unnecessary, so we can hold the really important close.

Today, you have seen into a tiny nook of my mind, which I believe to be stable. Mostly...

and here you will find me, always...in Mary's World.

To Boot, or Not to Boot

Wellllll...I finally went to see a foot doctor about the pain that causes me to limp. Painfully. Took me only a little over 2 months to give in to the idea I may need to see a doctor. Turns out I have a bit of Peroneal Tendonitis of the right lower extremity. Simply meaning the tendons on the outside of my right ankle are very inflamed. And pretty mad at me for some reason. Doc says it usually comes from over use and repeated stress. Hmmmm...wonder where THAT comes from. 😂

Soooo...the above was written last Thursday, Feb. 13th. I was so frustrated with the doctor because of what I saw on my health portal. The things he claimed he had done during my visit, just weren't true. It's so hard for me to trust doctors anyway, because I feel many of them add "services rendered" (that actually haven't been) just to milk our insurance company, thus causing the rates to sky rocket.

Anyway, that was then, and now it now. He had given me the "good news" that he could fix the problem by having me wear the clunker of all boots, for 2 weeks. I did try it the following day. Wore it the entire day and ended up with a really bad back ache from the mirrored twin foot not being as high as the platform the boot provided, thus throwing off...well, everything. The ankle and foot DID feel somewhat better, but now my back was killing me. I knew I'd never be able to wear that monster all day at work. So I didn't...

Today, one week later, I went for my first walk about the neighborhood since the first of December, last year. Just as I left the house it began snowing again. MY KIND OF WEATHER!!! Got in 1.5 miles of pure bliss. My face became pretty cold in the 19 degree weather, but the rest of me was warm and snuggly. I was prepared. 😁  As my feet hit the snow covered pavement, my back straightened significantly causing me to walk a bit taller than I have in awhile, It was as if there had been extra morphine pumped into my body causing an unexpected pace to prevail. 

It was a great walk. With snow flakes pelting me in the face and a gentle wind blowing them across the path I had chosen, my spirits lifted from their lackadaisical existence of protecting the wounded foot. It's pretty amazing what a short walk can do for a persons complete being. Turns out the foot got all better by itself without the boot. Just took a few months. Hmmmm... 

Loving this weather for getting back into the swing of things, here you will find me...in Mary's World.

The Beauty of Stillness

Ah...the beauty of new falling snow amongst winters frigid temps. Why is snow so mesmerizing??? Did you know that snow absorbs sound? The atmosphere becomes so peaceful, it seems almost ethereal. The landscape it falls on becomes visually stunning as it reflects large amounts of light while calming all our senses. Nostalgic memories begin their dance as we remember days of our youth during a time when responsibilities were few.

How I wish it would continue throughout the day and into the evening hours. How I wish it would stay awhile, like an old friend that comes for a visit just to confirm she still remembers you. But it won't. Not here in North Carolina. It never does. Not like it does in Oklahoma. I shouldn't expect it though...not really. Living in the South, all the "weather" we get is rain...mostly. It's kinda funny how I've always said we were a mid-west transplant. Come to find out, Oklahoma is more of a SOUTHwestern state. Who woulda thunk? One never stops learning. Until....well, you know. 

As I look out my study window, all seems so settled. So at peace with itself. No travelers, to speak of. No birds singing. No squirrels running around chasing each other...just softly falling snow. In our backyard, the children's swings remain still, the fire pit is covered in a white blanket of snow, and the arbor that shares the beauty of new life during the spring and summer months, now is nestled under bare tree branches that hang low, as if to guard against the chance of a howling wind. They aren't aware of their bareness, I suppose. And the wind is still, this beautiful snowy day. 

Enjoying the beauty of our Creator, and a cup of coffee, here you will find me...in Mary's World.

Navigating the Unknown

You've heard it many times. So have I. "I think I'll just move to the mountains and live in a cave somewhere." Or similar utterances. Why do people find it appealing to be alone? So alone that only nature surrounds them?

Could it be because nature isn't demanding? Maybe because it's not as active/busy as where we now live? Less noise, less activity. Nature is peaceful (mostly) and beautiful (mostly). The one thing I think is more of a reason is because it never complains or requires us to do anything for it. It doesn't expect anything of us, other than respect for it.

Years ago, sometime mid year 2012, God spoke a living word to my heart. "Wherever you find yourself to be, there I am." In other words, I couldn't remove myself from one place to another, and be void of God. He has promised to never leave us. Never forsake his children. When we become parents, we understand this, yes? Well, we were preparing for the big move from Oklahoma to NC. during this time of asking God for direction. I love change. I do. I just wasn't so sure what our future was going to look like in NC., and I really like knowing what to expect when change happens. Yet, all I was sure of was this was a God thing and we would be okay. 

A new adventure was facing us down. The decision had been made and we were excited to be "just down the road" from our girls, but for the first time in my adult life, I had no clear vision of the next 5 years. I knew what steps we were suppose to take, but it was the hope of finding solid ground once those steps were taken, that had this visual brain of mine, swirling. I compared my thoughts to a fishing cork bobbing along in a vast ocean with no particular destination. I/we would be at the mercy of the unknown. At least for a time. That, I believe, is why God spoke to my soul. A reminder...to steady me.

I confess I tend to worry way too much, and our destination was halfway across the US of A. Much bigger than we were accustomed to, as well. I remember, when visiting our girls (while we were still residents of Oklahoma), they would take us out to eat. On one of the first outings, as we were leaving the eating establishment (I think it was Carolina Ale House), I looked out amongst the sea of cars in the parking lot. I wondered then how could so many people live in one area. How long would it take us to find our way around this huge place? But then again, we had Siri, who seemed to know everything. We just had to inquire of her. Now? Now I think the parking lot that held all those "sea of cars" isn't nearly as big as my initial evaluation of it. It's quite small, in fact, for all the eating establishments that one could choose from that it must serve.

We were already what most would call senior citizens, those many years ago, yet that wasn't what concerned me. I've always believed I could do anything I wanted, if I but tried. I just couldn't see exactly how this plan was going to work once we hit North Carolina. Yet, I trusted it would not only be good, it would be the beauty of what God had for us. The icing on the cake, so to speak. Still, having only the blueprint for the first step, I was working on balancing myself while waiting on instructions for the next. But I did have a deep seated peace. And joy. Excitement for this last season of our lives. Can one actually have joy while struggling with the "what ifs" of life? I would say most certainly. It's indescribable, really, the peace that surrounds the circumstances (are they really circumstances) of life...if one's heart is full of trust in the midst of life's issues. "Great peace have those who love your law, and nothing can make them stumble." ~Psalm 119:165

I've said all that, to say this: If it weren't for the joy God placed inside us, we would be like mice on a constantly moving wheel, running with no place to go. Maddening, right? Joy gives us strength for living. It allows us to walk in the sunshine even when the rain pours down. It gives us wings to fly when most of the world is walking. It gives us strength to persevere even under the worst circumstances. Joy keeps us steady while navigating a world filled with different personalities, different beliefs, different demands. Like God, joy doesn't evaporate when facing troubles, or, as in our case, pulling up deep roots for a replant in unknown soil.

Still smiling, while also loving the mountains of living (no need for a cave), here you will find me...in Mary's World.         

Faith...or Fear?

Today's Reasoning:

Have you ever considered the faith of a child? They trust you will help them grow while protecting them from harm. That's how God asks us to come to Him. With the faith of (as) a child. Warner seems to fear nothing. She will do just about anything to prove to herself, if to no one else, that she can do it. I love how she sees her world. So full of opportunities that she can be a part of if she but reaches for them.

Yet, as we age, life has a way of distracting us from the truth we once believed. We begin to see with our natural understanding as our eyes feed us information. The "what ifs" begin to pop up as we put our hands to the future we long for. It's when we lose focus of what we were created for, that chaos comes front and center. Travel with me for a short bit as we look at faith verses fear.

Faith is to believe what one has not seen. The reward of faith is to see what one has believed.

We all are driven by faith or fear...one or the other. Both are the same. Faith or fear is the expectation of an event that hasn't come to pass or the belief in something that cannot be seen or touched.

If we allow fear to guide us, we will always live on the edge of insanity. On the other hand, if we allow faith to guide us, we will always live in perpetual reward.

Many of us believe ourselves to be more of a realist, a person of reason, while never considering what drives us. Fear...or faith? You know what I'm saying. Right? We look at our situation(s) and begin the process of slicing and dicing it, trying to understand the why of it all. We look at all sides of it and consider the realistic parts of it. But, how often do we simply say to those situations, "I trust in the One who guides me. I know He is for my good so I will trust in what I cannot see."

Some things to consider:

1) Reason never makes room for miracles; faith releases miracles.

2) Between you and anything significant will be giants in your path.

3) Times of distress have always been what produced the greatest of mankind.

4) The hardest steel is produced from the hottest fire.

5) The brightest star shreds the darkest night.

As my days grow exceedingly shorter, I think of how it would feel to be chained to a mirror of regret, where I would spend eternity examining a reflection of the person I could have become, but didn't, because of the fears of all the "what ifs". Instead of trusting completely in the greatness God instilled inside me from the beginning of life, have I let fear guide me instead of faith?

It has taken me most of my time here on earth to understand we limit ourselves by living in the fear that we have no choice but to accept "what we've been handed." Much of the time, we believe "this is just my life," with no understanding of how to change it. So, we simply give up and live out our lives defeated. We have wasted the greatness of God.

I will leave you with this. Faith delivers a life of peace. However, it comes by way of choice. Just as fear does. The future, as we choose it, is ours. If we choose to ignore wisdom, the future God put within our grasp, will be lost.

Know this...

• Our past does not define us.
• We must seek wisdom.
• We must take action.
• We must not allow criticism, condemnation, nor complaint (even our own), to have control over us.
• We must choose happiness.
• We must choose to forgive those not deserving our forgiveness.
• And finally, we must persist in spite of difficulty. We limit our tomorrows by the doubt we hold onto today...

Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." #myjourneyamongtheunseen #lifeissues #theforgottenway #faithorfear 

Thankful for the power of choice, here you will find me...in Mary's World